» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

not so guilty really
I like to break stuff when i'm drunk, especially old computer stuff i find out in the rain, then wake up in the morning and put bits of it under a microscope.
(Tue 18th Mar 2008, 20:31, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

New years 2000
What a lovely new years we had planned, a dance party on the night before, champers on the beach at midnight, the girlfriend and i were really excited!

The location for the turn of the millenium was Gisbourne beach, New Zealand. We had a good chance of being the first people on the planet of watching the sunrise at the 2000 year past jesus mark.

I don't even remember needing a poo until we'd partied all night, crazy drinking, dancing in the moonlight. Then we went and parked by the beach, right next to the camera crews. I nodded off in the passenger seat and didn't wake up till an hour before sunrise. That's when i realised i was having some cramping feelings in my gut. It was that after lots of beer feeling, where you try to fart and it stings your turd cutter a little bit and you have to fight it back in.

I thought, it's all good, i'll just pop down the beach and hide by a bush or something...no such luck, there were about 3000 people on the beach! all waiting for this sunrise and to the last one they were carrying some sort of camera.

I tried to get my girlfriend to drive us to a toilet, but she wasn't going to miss the first sunrise of the new millenium so i had to hold it for a bit longer. A seriously long hour ensued where i was curled up in a foetal position in the car trying desperately to not bitch and upset my girlfriend. The pain was so unbearable by the time the sun rose, that i only have vague memories of the light changing then dimming as the sun rose into the clouds.

We drove about 2miles to find the nearest "convenience" and i was dissapointed to find that the pain was not acompanied by a satisfactory movement.It was one of those ones where you have to keep going back every 40mins to get rid of a bit more.

Sorry, story was funnier in my head.

Length...i'm bored at work, so deal with it...
(Thu 3rd Apr 2008, 1:02, More)

» Your first cigarette

Not quite the first
But it was one of the first, i only remember because i got in trouble.

My Parents had an account at the local dairy and i would often be asked to get milk and bread and the shop owner would just put it on the tab. My father smoked Pall Mall Filter too, and even though i was only 13, they would let me take those to him too.

When i did get curious about smoking cigarettes, i thought the easiest way to get a pack was just to grab some milk and a pack of smokes from the dairy, it would go on account, and no-one would ever be the wiser!

Would have worked sweet too, except i turned right(towards the park), instead of left(towards my house), when i left the shop! Bastard called my parents! I got a hiding and then...strangely...felt like a cigarette.

:o( still smoking a pack a day 17 years later.
(Tue 25th Mar 2008, 19:48, More)