» Pubs

Naked in the club
I worked for several years in small, knackered nightclub that had delusions of grandeur purely because it was pretty much the only place open later than 12 in the town.

I was the cocky barman that knew it all purely because i could spin a bottle on my hand (that was actually it, I couldn’t throw it, catch it, roll it round my neck or anything good but if one handed spinning was your thing then I was the man)

It was the night before my 21st birthday and in return for getting my birthday night off work I had to work the night before which meant strictly speaking at midnight it was then my birthday.

Unfortunately this occurrence had got round to all of the staff (probably because I told them and anyone else that would listen) which meant at midnight the two biggest doorman working that night promptly walked onto the bar, literally lifted me up and carried me to the dance floor where some space was made in the throng of people.

At this point the DJ cut the music and announced that the 1st person to strip me naked would get a free bottle of bubbly (cider in a big bottle)

I was leapt upon

As my arms were pinned by the doorman I had absolutely no chance and soon 2 particularly determined women fought the others off and managed to get little Tommy out flapping in the air conditioning.

I returned to the bar with my trousers finally back up and my ego very much reduced although this was only a temporary state as a rather nice lady gave me her number immediately after. Obviously liked what she saw!

Randomly about a year later after I had started Uni 60 miles away I was chatting to someone who happened to describe the whole exact story to me. I just smiled and pretended I hadn’t heard of the club and yes that must have been pretty funny.
(Thu 12th Feb 2009, 11:19, More)

» Hypocrisy

Charity high street promo idiots
I have to say the most annoying people on the planet are the charity promo idiots.

Normally dressed in a netball bib, carrying a clipboard and most have ridiculous hair or shoes, they follow you around the shopping centre preaching the need for money for deaf, dumb, blind chipmunks or whatever whilst they get paid £7.50 an hour. If its such a worthy cause why dont you work for free or at least minimum wage.

Normally when they quit and go on to other jobs they even refer back to it as a sales and marketing role.
(Wed 25th Feb 2009, 17:54, More)

» Hypocrisy

Hypocrite or idiot?
Back when I was at Uni I shared a house with a guy and 3 girls mistakenly under the impression that living with women would keep the house cleaner (incredibly naive looking back!).

I walked in one day to find all 3 girls standing in the hall discussing the smell of gas, I agreed that yes there seemed to be an odd gas like smell.

Then one walked off saying yes you should sort that out and phone the gas company etc. Problem was she said this as she was striking a match to cook her baked beans on the hob...

Women seemed to be devoid of common sense but love dishing out advice.
(Wed 25th Feb 2009, 17:40, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Students...
I could write for hours about the students that attend the University i work for.

My favourite would include a third year - about to graduate - student asking me how to do running tally during an open day.

'Yes you put 4 lines in a row and the one across makes 5...'

If they're the future than I’m worried.
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 13:43, More)

» Turning into your parents

Football games
Me and my dad have been going to watch the football since i was 9 years old.

The first question he would ask me was whether i can see both goals ok, would i like to swap seats etc as i was a proper scrawny midget back then.

I'm now 25 and half a foot taller than him. A few weeks back i found myself offering to swap seats with him as he couldnt quite see one of the goals past the supporting pillar.

Lost 3 nil and it was the last game at the old ground so it won't happen again :-(

Guess we all just become a parents at some stage, thought i might have had a decade or two before it happened though!
(Wed 6th May 2009, 16:05, More)