» Buses

The 192 - Shameless on Wheels
The 192 runs from Manchester Piccadilly to Stockport and is often referred to as the "Danger Bus".

For 6 months this bus made me laugh, wince and also shit myself...

Early hours of Saturday morning, I'm drunk and the bus has managed to get through Longsight without being held up by low life copper chained gangsters. You enter Levenshulme and shit has gone down and the bus needs to take an alternative route, the only problem is the polish driver doesn't have a clue where to go, this route is a straight line from Manc - Stockport...

This was a drunken solo journey and I felt obliged to help the driver,without actually having a clue where to go... 6 cul-de-sacs later and the bus driver lost faith, almost in tears he decides enough is enough! He takes a handful of coins from bus till and does one leaving the engine running...

At this point the whole bus looks at me, they've lost faith in their co-pilot, I'm actually scared by some of the looks I'm getting. As an aside there's also a fat irish woman with her belly and tits hanging all over the place arguing with a tramp, she thinks she's kicking his bag, as it turns out it belongs to a guy who has returned from his travels, he's too scared to even argue with the Irish Tyson!

At this point, I shout out "Is there anybody here that can drive a bus?" In my head I felt like Samuel Jackson in Snakes on a Plane "Lets open some motherfuckin windows"... It felt like I was taking strong decisive action...

No-one volunteers, and infact everybody at this point starts to depart from the bus, news has filtered through to the Blazin Squad on the top of the bus that the driver has fucked off, they take all the fares and run off into the night.

At this point there's a few people lurking about outside, and I'm sat on the entrance step of the bus...feeling more sober by this point, I had a wave of Jack Bauer come over me, and I felt I could do whatever it takes to get me home asap.

I walk back on the bus and the radio are asking for our location, I jump on the radio (as the driver) and report that all passengers have departed due to incident in Levenshulme and that I'm on route back to Manchester. This was of course to throw them of my scent.

The next morning I woke up around 9.30am, I opened the blinds to discover the 192 parked up outside my flat. I absolutely cacked my pants!!! I left the flat immediately and returned to parents house for the rest of the weekend!

Looking back it was probably the best 192 journey I've ever had!
(Tue 30th Jun 2009, 12:59, More)

» Call Centres

Interview at a call centre
After graduating I was doing the rounds of applying to call centres as they at least guaranteed 12k, and I didnt fancy ruining my weekends by working in a bar. After sailing through the interview I was given the luxury of sitting in on a live call, at this point I knew that I wasn't up for spending 5 days a week here, and especially working late night shifts which they were very keen on... So I sat down next to some chancer with bumfluff and a generous portion of BO and was given a headset along with mic... the call went on with some woman wishing to setup a standing order or something and my bad conscience was getting the better of me. It was telling my to say something, telling me to amuse myself and in one proud moment pulled the mic down from my ear and said "eggy beans"... "eggy beans", there was a silence, then the customer hung up. The kid with bumfluff looked at me saying I was mental and that I would never get the job now... Damn
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 13:06, More)