Where ideas for modern art come from. Number 1.

(Thu 13th May 2004, 12:52, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

The time when Mr Droog 'slipped out'
and accidentally bummed me

I cried :'(
( Droog Download was \m/, Fri 15 Jun 2007, 11:07, Ignore, I like this!, Message Me)

It's sweet that you still believe him.
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 11:13, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

I was caught at uni
I was caught shagging a gorgeous blonde girl in my year, from behind, over her car bonnet, in a really quiet spot behind the sports centre at uni.

Two workmen came along the track in a white ford escort van.

"Don't stop on our account!.."

They said, laughing, as we both tried to cover our modesty.

Not really in the spirit of the question I know.

I just like telling that story.
(Fri 18th Aug 2006, 9:21, More)

» Running away

Are you wearing ears?
Ah, one happened just this weekend at The Big Chill.

I was dressed as a sailor. Whilst walking through the event to meet some friends, I chanced upon a girl who was also dressed as sailor.

Laughs were had, photos were taken and everyone was in grand festival spirits.

I then turned to her friend, pointed at her cute pixie ears and delivered the immortal line:

"So are you wearing ears then?"

She was not.

The sight of her crestfallen face was burnt into my retina as I ran away mortified.

I wouldn't have minded but she was really pretty. (They both were) When I tried to apologise a few minutes later she told me to fuck off :-(

Fucking lesbian.

edit: ah.. wrong kind of running away.. took it a bit literal like.
(Fri 11th Aug 2006, 13:47, More)

» Council Cunts

Wow, this is weird.
Only this morning, I received *three* letters threatening to send the bailiffs around for non-payment of council tax. My poor sleepy eyes couldn't believe it. I am not the most organised person, but I try and pay stuff like this off in full as soon as I get it so I don’t have to think about it.

After a second, I realised that the letters were from Torridge District Council (yeah I know, where? It's in Devon apparently).

Which is splendid, apart from the fact that I've only ever driven through Devon to get to Cornwall.

I rang them and they wouldn’t tell me what moronic company thought that randomly selecting me for the demand would do. If any law types know if I can get this through freedom of information or similar gaz me.

I feel I need some petty revenge for upsetting me before my morning coffee.

Hmm. What would be an appropriate response?

I know!

HEY SPAMBOTS! COME AND GET IT!

[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

Still. It's in a nice location on the north Devon coast. The demands totaled about £500. If I pay it, can I have the flat?
(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 12:11, More)

» Personal Ads

Fatty in a photo
I've been on a few internet dates before. One memorable one was with a girl, who since the photo used in her profile taken, had *clearly* been eating lard between meals.

I mean it was her. You could tell it was her. It just looked like her in a low budget space movie when the spaceship has just lost pressure.

After the second drink she wasn't getting any fitter so I actually did the '*look at watch* Gosh, is that the time? I must get my train' thing.

Sorry fat girl.
(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 19:32, More)