» Amazing displays of ignorance

It's probably more innocence than ignorance
But when I was still at the age when I needed to be accompanied to public lavatories by my dad rather than going about my business on my own, I went to wash my hands then asked my dad if I could have a sweetie from the vending machine on the wall.

Dad: Err, those aren't sweets, son.
Me: So why are they strawberry flavoured?

A voice from a cubicle piped up with "Good luck explaining that one, mate!"
(Mon 22nd Mar 2010, 14:56, More)

» Narrow Escapes

Look at it
Narrow bastard, not like the IBM Model M my coworker has.



Sorry.
(Thu 19th Aug 2010, 15:20, More)

» Complaining

Opal Fruits
A former housemate of mine used to love Starburst [sic], specifically those rather tangy lime ones in the green wrapper. As he was a first year mechanical engineering student he had nothing better to do with his time than write to companies with complaints, so when he inevitably got a pack with no green ones in he was straight to his writing desk.

I'm not sure exactly what he wrote, but I know he opined the unfairness of the sweet distribution, and suggested that they begin selling packs of each colour individually so people could be sure of getting the distribution they wanted. The reply he received a few weeks later thanked him for his input and apologised for the lack of lime-based sweetmeats but explained that they do not believe there is sufficient market demand for individual packaging of the different flavours to justify the changes that would be necessary to their production process.

As expected, he was disappointed, but his spirits were lifted slightly by the free pack of Starburst included with the letter. It contained nothing but the green ones.
(Tue 7th Sep 2010, 1:22, More)

» It's Not What It Looks Like!

In last week's QOTW
I made a reference to prostitution being legal. Now, I see a lot of whores on Oranienburgerstraße but almost nowhere else, so after I posted it I got the urge to check my facts and googled "berlin prostitution legality", checked the wikipedia article and left, satisfied that my QOTW post wan't misrepresenting German law.

Fast forward to yesterday, I'm in work with a coworker sitting next to me, and I go to google my area of town, "Berlin Prenzlauer Berg." Google gets helpful with it's auto-fill and in big letters auto-completes to prostitution. My coworker turns to me and asks if I want to bring someone to the company christmas dinner after-all.
(Sat 11th Dec 2010, 11:36, More)

» Asking people out

Not exactly chatting up, but…
I was on the final leg of a week of too many flights (Bristol - Vancouver - San Francisco - Toronto - Heathrow - Vienna - Budapest - Vienna - Heathrow) and was absolutely shattered. I'd been going through the craziness of Vienna airport and wasn't appreciating that the delay to my flight meant that I was going to be stranded in London due to missing my coach back to Bristol. I'd just had a nap on the flight from Budapest and was barely conscious and not in the chattiest of moods.

I went through the security at the gate and was greeted by a vision in red, an Austrian Airlines stewardess

Her: Reisen Sie alleine? (Are you travelling alone?)
Me: Ja (Yes)
Her: Dann hab ich ein Angebot für Sie… (In that case I've got an offer for you…)
Me: Tut mir Leid, bin dafür zu müde (I'm sorry, I'm too tired for that)

It was months ago now and I'm still absurdly proud of how my sleep-addled mind reacts to a woman trying to deal with an overbooked flight.
(Fri 11th Dec 2009, 0:09, More)