b3ta.com user MonkeySpunkMoped
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» The Wank Bank

Inception...
...would have been a much better film if they were trying to heist their way through many layers of dreams within dreams into the guy's wank bank.
(Sat 25th Aug 2012, 18:23, More)

» School Assemblies

Guns and ammo
I was at primary school in the early to mid 80s, pre-Dunblane and (it seems) in a slightly more relaxed era of health and safety legislation. That must be how the deputy head got away with bringing a real handgun into assembly and firing blanks through a piece of card to show us that yes, even blanks in guns throw out detritus and are therefore dangerous too. It's a very important lesson to teach primary school kids. He also once set fire to a load of gunpowder in assembly to show that if it wasn't in an enclosed space, it just burns but it doesn't explode. See, I still remember this stuff. Job done.
(Thu 20th Jun 2013, 2:20, More)

» Fancy Dress Failures Pt 2

70's theme office party
Everyone came as elvis, or gary glitter (this was still the 90s), etc. I rocked up dressed as the winter of discontent. (boiler suit with "crisis, what crisis" sprayed on the back, hat with candles, icicles on the glasses). Absolutely nobody got it, apart from the boss's brother who had come as a miner. We ended up sat in the corner talking about arthur scargill all night.
(Wed 6th Nov 2013, 23:56, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

here's a random selection of varying shitness
I once got a lift in a van from Leeds to London off one of the guys from Utah Saints. Remember them?

Craig Charles scavved a fag off my mate and had a chat with us at a festival last year. Nice guy, wasn't on crack or anything.

Oh yeah, and because I was assisting in a photoshoot a few years ago, I've got a selection of full frontal butt-naked photos of Lady Gaga. I suppose they'd be worth money but it's pretty obvious exactly where and when they were taken so if they got out I'd be instantly sued and there'd be no chance of working with any of those people ever again...
(Mon 24th Sep 2012, 14:04, More)

» B3ta Person of the Year 2010

Elliot Reuben
because, like, didn't he used to run ents at leeds uni and dj at some sort of indie night in the harvey milk bar at which I once managed to pull?
(Thu 16th Dec 2010, 19:14, More)
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