» Down on the Farm

my great grandfather
Lived in the south of the USA and had a very successful cotton farm. unfortunately he lost all his farming equipment when the employment laws changed.
(Thu 24th May 2012, 16:23, More)

» Creepy!

I've got ivy going up the side of my house
That's pretty creepy.
(Thu 7th Apr 2011, 14:12, More)

» Conversation Killers

25years or so ago I was a bouncy hyperactive toddler....
and my brother was a baby, not much more than a year old.

My parents had been invited to a wedding and brought us along. Not the most sensible thing to do...a toddler and a baby sat in a church for an hour or so listening to some guy drone on about god and honouring each others rings or something...anyway about 30mins in I'm bored, really bored, but I wasn't that much of a little shit so sat quietly right at the very back, probably with my arms crossed and a face like I've just smelt shit...

...Now at this point I'd love to say that I jumped up and announced my disapproval of the marrige, but my brother beat me to it...Without the slightest hint that it was coming my brother let out the loudest, nappy filling fart/shit combo in the entire universe...my parents were surprised they didn't hear it in Mexico, but the Vicar heard, oh my he heard it and was NOT happy...and the stiffled laughter of a hundred or so wedding goers just caused a chain reaction of people completely losing their composure and pissing themselves laughing. That was all but the Vicar, who just stopped the service until everyone had calmed down...they havn't spoken to the couple since :D
(Thu 12th May 2011, 14:07, More)

» Little Victories

First Post...Go Me...
This happend while Travelling on a flight from Heathrow to LA a few years back. We had asked the girl at checkin for the exta leg room seats, I'm 6ft, dad 6ft3 and brother 6ft7 so they were more than obliging...We got onto the plane and were very happy with the 4foot or so of leg room. Plane takes off and I stretch out, close my eyes and try and get to sleep...then I felt something brushing against my leg, looked up and some twat was walking inbetween the seats and tripping over my, and my families legs, and scowling at us as if we'd all just simultaniously Gambled and lost with fart roulette. This went on for a good 30mins with people constantly using the space infront of our seats as a walk way making it impossible to get any rest or even get comfortable as, as soon you stretch out some wanker comes along and knocks you waking you up. After about the 10th person did it my dad took a stan...the next person who tried would be stopped and told to fuck off...

Then the Canadian man turned up...he tried to get past my dads outstretched legs, eventually tapping him on the shoulder and asking politely for him to move, dad stood up and at the top of his voice shouted "NO, you go AROUND the seats" the canadian guy, shocked, and with a look on his face like some one had offer to lick his ring piece clean shouted back "you are the rudest man I have ever met", he was met with a hearty "fuck off" and went off to get the stewardess to complain...2mins later angry Canadian is back with the head stewardess and a smug "I've got someone to tell you whats what look" on his face. She then took a good 5mins loudly explaining to the guy that we were totally in the right, it was an emergency exit, it was clear that you wern't supposed to walk there, and would he kindly please be a good little boy and remain seated. He was so embarrassed that he slunk off to his seat without saying a word, and we were given a free (full sized) bottle of wine for being troubled...slept very well after that *hic*
(Thu 17th Feb 2011, 10:58, More)

» Irrational Hatred

Shitting at work / generally being a messy fuck in the toilet
This really REALLY annoys me. Now I'm not saying if you have the squits hold it in, everyone gets caught short but those twats that come into work and take a crap EVERY FUCKING DAY. Everyone has to use those toilets, most of us don't want to stand/sit around in the air thickening stench of arse sweat and the take away you had last night and then decided to brew in your colon for a couple of hours too long. Then you don't even bother to spray the freshner or crack open a window so it heats up to stench levels that literally make people gag (it's currently hovering around the 28deg mark in the office).

Next up...People who piss on the floor...grown men, ones who live with real wives and everything just freely let rip all over the damnned place as if somehow between home and work they have forgotten what a toilet is for. In your own home you can do what you want, but at work if you make a mess FUCKING CLEAN IT UP, no one wants to stand in a puddle of your piss to go to the loo it's just plain lazyness and really REALLY stinks. Combined with the shitters it makes the bogs in my workplace almost unbearable....

Oh one more thing...If you use the toilet FLUSH IT. That is all.
(Thu 31st Mar 2011, 17:04, More)