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» Messing with people's heads
Bruising the cucumber
I've been blessed with an incredibly dumb sister-in-law. She enjoys bragging about her Honours English degree, even though my wife and I wrote all the coursework for her first three years of university. She couldn't write a coherent sentence to save her life. She's taken up with a posh young man who has even posher parents, so she's decided to cultuivate a taste for Pimm's. Pimm's is not a popular drink in Canada, so one fatefull afternoon while we were lounging around in the back yard, she offered to mix us up a couple of cocktails. I took a sip of miine and politely asked if she had bruised the cucumber. Her face became even more vacant than usual.
'Bruise the Cucumber? she asked.
'Yes' I said 'Bruising the cucumber releases oils that bring out the full the flavour of the drink. A cucumber for Pimm's is tradiionally bruised.'
'Oh', she said 'I didn't know that.'
An hour later I found her in the kitchen studiously thumping a cucumber on the counter. I had to leave the room before I began to giggle uncontrollably. Everyone, including her boyfriend, has been sworn to secrecy in hopes that one day she'll be caught thumping a cucumber by her oh-so posh Pimm's swilling boyfriend's parents.
(Sat 14th Jan 2012, 18:40, More)
Bruising the cucumber
I've been blessed with an incredibly dumb sister-in-law. She enjoys bragging about her Honours English degree, even though my wife and I wrote all the coursework for her first three years of university. She couldn't write a coherent sentence to save her life. She's taken up with a posh young man who has even posher parents, so she's decided to cultuivate a taste for Pimm's. Pimm's is not a popular drink in Canada, so one fatefull afternoon while we were lounging around in the back yard, she offered to mix us up a couple of cocktails. I took a sip of miine and politely asked if she had bruised the cucumber. Her face became even more vacant than usual.
'Bruise the Cucumber? she asked.
'Yes' I said 'Bruising the cucumber releases oils that bring out the full the flavour of the drink. A cucumber for Pimm's is tradiionally bruised.'
'Oh', she said 'I didn't know that.'
An hour later I found her in the kitchen studiously thumping a cucumber on the counter. I had to leave the room before I began to giggle uncontrollably. Everyone, including her boyfriend, has been sworn to secrecy in hopes that one day she'll be caught thumping a cucumber by her oh-so posh Pimm's swilling boyfriend's parents.
(Sat 14th Jan 2012, 18:40, More)
» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?
Pictures Queue
My Momused to pronounce certain words strangely, just for shits and giggles. Things like 'Hoard Overs' for 'Hors d'oeuvres'. Another was 'Picturesque' pronounced 'Pictures Queue'.
When I was ten or so, we learned 'picturesque' in English class. The teacher asked how to pronounce the word and called on my wildly waving hand.
'Pictures queue!' I proudly announced.
'That's not quite right, Parkie.' said the teacher.
So I began to argue with her. It ended with me in tears screaming at the teacher that she was wrong and a call home from the school about my behaviour.
I still say Pictures Queue every chance I get, and am leading my daufghter down the same dark path.
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 22:06, More)
Pictures Queue
My Momused to pronounce certain words strangely, just for shits and giggles. Things like 'Hoard Overs' for 'Hors d'oeuvres'. Another was 'Picturesque' pronounced 'Pictures Queue'.
When I was ten or so, we learned 'picturesque' in English class. The teacher asked how to pronounce the word and called on my wildly waving hand.
'Pictures queue!' I proudly announced.
'That's not quite right, Parkie.' said the teacher.
So I began to argue with her. It ended with me in tears screaming at the teacher that she was wrong and a call home from the school about my behaviour.
I still say Pictures Queue every chance I get, and am leading my daufghter down the same dark path.
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 22:06, More)