NEWSLETTER: "HOORAY! YOU'RE ANOTHER NEWSLETTER CLOSER TO DEATH"
This Week:
* TAPPITY TAP - How much can you tap in 30 secs?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS - Tarantino
* NEW CHALLENGE - Computer pop
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | unenshittificationing
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| the web... together"
B3ta electro fax 905 - 3rd May 2024
Read this issue out on TikTok in 15 seconds flat:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue905
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pets take allergy pills
* A MEDLEY OF ARSE SONGS - Dave Bagpuss Forsey
writes, "Since I was a baby, I have imagined
songs with the lyrics 'heart' or 'eyes' changed
to 'arse'. And now I'm in my forties, it still
amuses me greatly. So, for my childish
amusement, I put this together."
https://b3ta.com/links/A_medley_of_arse_songs
* TAPPY TAP TAP GAME - Kevin Doyle writes, "How
many fingers/toes can you utilise? Simple game
called Tappy Tap Tap with AAA graphics and
banging sound track. Finally got some time to
have a crack at making a game. I imagine
Rockstar started with a similarly small
project."
http://bigjobby.com/game/
* CHEAT AT WORDLE - Adnan Aga has made "a simple
website that lets you fake your results from
your favourite NYT games. Say you got the Wordle
in 1, or that you solved the connections with
purple first." Alternatively you could just not
cheat.
http://puzzleposeur.com/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Time to buy some clothes, clothesless readers
We like to imagine our readers nude, not in a
sexy way, but because they're as innocent as new
born babies. However the world is hard, and you
do need clothes to cover up: not your shame, but
to protect you from the elements. And what
better clothes are there than the products of
Hebtro, all made in the UK, to the highest
standards and ideal gifts for the dudes in your
life including yourself. And they're good eggs
that help prevent the late stage B3ta/Fesshole
empire from collapsing through its own internal
contractions.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions served up like content gruel
You innocently open a Google form and ask for a
few confessions, that'll keep you busy for an
afternoon and five years later it's never
stopped and life is a living hell of reading
shit confessions. Ones we tolerated this week:
* NICKOLAS NAMES - "When I was a young boy I
shat myself quite spectacularly in the middle of
assembly. Went back to my old village last
night; as I walked in the pub a bloke shouted
out 'oi Shitter!'. I'm 63 and haven't been there
for over 45 years."
* REVERSE POCKET MONEY - "Dad bought me a car 15
years ago, £10k. He didn't want me paying
interest so I agreed to pay him back £200 a
month over 4 years. I haven't stopped yet and
don't plan to. He'd never accept me giving him
money otherwise. It's an unspoken agreement we
have at this point"
* DAD LOLS - "In my dad's will there was a
letter addressed to me with GPS coordinates for
a farmhouse in Spain and a note which read "Burn
it all, love Dad". He was a bit of a joker, so I
haven't been. I do wonder though."
If you want to follow this junk it's available
on Twitter, Threads, Mastodon and Bluesky. Also
occasionally Facebook, Instagram & TikTok, coz
write once, publish everywhere.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
The weekly plea to buy tickets: Nottingham has
sold out, Birmingham and Brighton are doing
fine, we're worried about Durham. Are all you
cunts in Durham above this or something? Get
over yourselves you losers, and buy a ticket.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book that's better than the first book
because the font is bigger and there's a few
more "read-y" bits beyond the confessions as
your editor felt that he needed to offer
"value".
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your 'Your PSION Organiser' type-ins collection
* YOUR NEW RABBIT HOLE - We found this woman by
googling a gravestone in a local cemetery, and
can't begin to sum this up - but it's a rabbit
hole of borderline insane British history should
you wish to get distracted.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy,_Lady_Houston
* WHY THE BIG PAUSE? This clicker gamer requires
a little skill rather than mindlessly pressing a
button for an hour in your virtual Skinner box.
Pause the game when the increasingly fast
spinning foods match their background shape.
https://ulgrude.itch.io/pause-game
* COLLABORATIVE FLICKBOOK - The Pudding have
created a massive collaborative flipbook. We
wish we'd featured this when they were still
collecting data, as we reckon b3tans would have
swung the secretly gathered data about how many
people just drew cocks.
https://pudding.cool/projects/flipbook/
* SUPER MARIO TYPIST - The first level of Super
Mario Bros had it been designed entirely on a
typewriter. Hopefully to be followed by
Letraset Zool.
https://tinybookshelf.itch.io/super-moxio-bros
* CRAP CAT GAME - This thread about a terrible
game will slightly convince you to try out a
terrible game. But don't, it's terrible, it
is however fun to read about.
https://mastodon.social/@Craigp/112346419907121031#.
* JET SET STEAMBOAT WILLY - now that the Disney
icon is now out of copyright someone has decided
to turn it into an old ZX Spectrum game. Looks
lovely actually.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Tarantino
Here's the best images from last week:
* The 'what's really in that suitcase' format is
a lovely format - thanks Tribs
https://b3ta.com/board/11406793
* Of course Sheffield's finest would come in
this challenge - thanks Octo
https://b3ta.com/board/11406769
* Well this one made us go "ohh ffs" - thanks
Octo again
https://b3ta.com/board/11406838
* See all the other images from the 'Tarantino'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tarantino/popular
>> This week: Computer Pop <<
AI is now writing songs for us, so let's return
the favour and make songs about computers. Or
just mash-up any pop and computer stuff.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/computerpop/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* ROBERT SMITH OVEN GLOVES - just so you can get
stuff out the cooked whilst muttering "hot hot
hot" but nope, how has this bit of marketing tat
not occurred to The Cure LTD?
* THE GREAT WEBSITE OF UNEXPECTEDLY GOOD FOOD
COMBINATIONS - well we've just noticed that
cheese tastes better if you pop a bit in your
mouth and then slurp in a bit of hot tea. Try
it.
* SOME KIND OF WIPING ARSE GAME - some shits
need one wipe, some need several, can you turn
that into something worth playing?
Send us some emails, males and females:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Cannon on the black -
Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec,
Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a
couple of bits recently, do sign up.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
Like Liz Truss, we too are victims of the Deep
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'NOT ACTUALLY LEGAL' FESSHOLE
"To the bloke who left his dog's massive shit
right beside the local kids playground, don't
stress. I picked it up for you. Also followed
you discreetly back to your place. If you're
looking for your dog shit, it's in your
letterbox. Kept my plastic bag though."
