NEWSLETTER: "THE ONLY NEWSLETTER THAT'LL SHIT IN YOUR INBOX AND NEVER SAY SORRY"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Welcome Cameron back with 'PIGS!'
* PLAY TEXT ADVENTURES - on Zuckerberg's Threads
* BEST OF FESSHOLE - yes, that's why you're here
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | so that the spiders
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| become our friends"
B3ta email 884 - 17th Nov 2023
Read this issue with the OS X 'Say' command:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue884
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making God shameful for His creation
* TEXT ADVENTURE PORTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA - 'Craig
from the 80s' writes, "I've invented a way to
put Text Adventures onto the Social Media site
Threads. It involves linking together loads of
individual posts by editing them and linking all
together within the five minute edit window.
It's quite stressful to do, but the results seem
good." Interesting stuff, but also we'd quite
like Threads: The Text Adventure, and also a
text adventure that accurately depicted the hell
of Twitter.
https://www.threads.net/@80snostalgia/post/CzpPPux...
* MORE MOVING PICTURES - Drivelsieve writes, "I
made these pictures move. Sorry about that".
Enjoy his Nov 2023 collection of stuff that's a
bit like the B3ta board but with sound effects.
https://b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_pictures_move_...
* YES WE'RE ACTUALLY LINKING TO SOMEONE'S PHD -
Anton Hecht writes, "Long time user of these
board. Anyways, done a PhD, it is about using
game design and theories, for making art with
the public. Kind of a tool box. Not sure if
anyone on here makes things etc, but if you do,
check it out." Next week we're going to link to
a reader's GCSE homework.
https://bit.ly/GameThesis
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some flipping amazing clothes
Ok, we're in the run up to Christmas and that
means you need some gift ideas for the blokes in
your life. Ideally you should buy them clothes
so they're not flapping about nude. All made in
the UK, to the highest standards and built to
last. Thanks Hebtro.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions pulped into content
Each week you type some bollocks into a Google
form and we pick out a few that vaguely amuse us
whilst avoiding all the stuff about wanking on
shoes.
* FUCK OFF - "I don't care if I know you from
work. If I see you outside of work, like in a
supermarket or whatever, I will ignore you.
Unless I'm being paid to acknowledge your
existence, you can fuck off."
* THE SCUM - "My wife and I have been happily
married for 5 years, no children. Recently she's
decided to go for a career change and do
journalism. She has taken an entry level job at
The Sun and, for the first time, I'm considering
a divorce. I cannot be married to a Sun
Journalist"
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Registering the death of
my Uncle Arthur at the coroners office and when
asked for the deceased's name, I replied 'A.
Smith' The coroner then asked "A for?", to which
I replied 'Apple'. I've never lived it down and
my wife constantly brings it up over 30 years
later."
Link goes to the Threads version because
Zuckerberg is 0.05% less morally dubious than
Musk.
https://www.threads.net/@fesshole
Oh fuck it, we will link to Twitter, but only
because we posted the 'best of' for September.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/17240412155265...
Obviously we do want you to come to the shows,
the last one in Nottingham was a blast - largely
to do with 'Bad Dad' and his daughter being such
sports - and we've got Northampton, Cambridge
and Leicester coming up.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
The New Fesstatment has been out a week and
already people are calling it "quite good if you
like that sort of thing" so grab your copy here:
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
URLs to type into your World Wide Web browser
* DESTRUCTION GAME - In these days of games
taking over 80 hours to complete, it's good to
have things like this Ronseal entry from a 20
second game jam. You are a bull in a china shop
GO SMASH THINGS.
https://fixgritt.itch.io/quite-literally-a-bull-in...
* CONNECT THE FILM - Another game-a-day for your
game-a-day pile. This one is Only Connect but
with movies. Can you spot the four connecting
themes? The questions are manually written
rather than automated by imdb tags, but it is
still pretty difficult.
https://plotthread.com
* GLITCH ART - A visual collection of Commodore
64 glitches which are intended to help retro
nerds diagnose problems with their breadbins,
but are accidentally beautiful when seen all
together. Call it found art and pop them in a
gallery.
https://pictorial64.com
* JEFF BEZOS ROWING BOAT - The latest Bobby
Fingers, which goes to an even more ridiculous
level of effort. As the YouTube comments say,
"This channel is honestly some of the most
amazing performance art I have ever witnessed.
Thank you, Bobby."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* MICROSOFT CHEESE TERMINATOR - was a game sent
to Polish users of Windows 3.1 if they filled in
some customer feedback thing. We had to check
it's not a spoof - it's not.
https://mastodon.social/@dosnostalgic/111398974623...#
* IN THE 1970S BRITAIN INVENTED COAL POWERED
CARS - Blue Peter being more Look Around You
than Look Around You. What a failed nation we
are.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/coal_powered_car/zrd...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Fictional Health and Safety
Here's the best images from last week:
* PIZOPOP tackles Kubrick's finest film
https://b3ta.com/board/11400961
* MONKEON goes back to the photographers
https://b3ta.com/board/11401033
* OCTO explains how Robocop really works
https://b3ta.com/board/11400907
* See all the other images from the 'Fictional
Health and Safety' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fictionalhealthandsafety...
>> This week: Pigs! <<
Let's welcome back David Cameron to frontline
politics with a one word challenge he'll love:
PIGS!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/pigs/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* BLAG BRAG - This Fesshole caught our eye:
"When I was a teenager I once walked on the
grass to steal a "keep off the grass" sign. In
my 30s now & I still have that sign proudly
chilling in my back garden." Made us wonder
about a highly irresponsible website where
people upload the shit they've nicked and boast
about it. We once stole the table cloth in a
restaurant simply so we could produce it halfway
down the street going "look what we've done"
* IT'S NOT BRAIN SURGERY - that 'bull in a china
shop' game made us wonder if we can think of
more games reverse engineered out of idioms. So
yeah, this one will show you scans of NASA
technical docs vs scans of medical stuff and you
have to click the titular button or "it's not
rocket science"
* SPEAK OF THE DEVIL - how many names for Satan
can you type in 66.6 seconds? He Who Walks
Backwards, Old Nick, Mike Nolan of Bucks Fizz
etc. Right, good enough, that's this section
done. *PRESS SEND*
Go on, talk to us about that "project" you've
been growing in the damp:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (np - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'SEX' FESSHOLE
"My girlfriend said I could shag her up the arse
on our wedding night. It massively pushed me
into proposing. Reminded her of it a few months
before our wedding. She just laughed. Been
married nearly eight years now and never been
near her rusty sheriff's badge."
