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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 166: "NUDE GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS"

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This Week:
* HEADLINE WATCH - goat chaos
* GIZMOS - Phones for dogs
* PHOTOS - Black metal hall of fame

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 166 - 21 Jan 2005

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue166/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Advert spotting, New Weebl

  >> Pikey advertising <<
  Kuroi Kyo writes, "I went into my local 99p
  shop in Eastleigh and took this photo as the
  sign always make me smirk. The shop is a
  typical 'value' store and this guy in the
  advert is supposed to entice people in - but
  to me he just looks like a perv with his
  scruffy unshaven look and leering eyes. It's
  just a class bit of mis-matched advertising."
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4178422


  >> Those Naughty Vikings <<
  Weebl continues his sweeping history of the
  world, told through the medium of eggs. This
  week it's the Vikings' turn. BTW: Jonti has
  recently won an award from Yahoo for having
  the webs' sexiest penis or something. Yay. 
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/history6.htm


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: SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE
  This is the way the world ends
 
  Mobile phones for pets. Phones. For. Pets.
  It's just so wrong we don't know where to
  start. When is your dog going to be to busy
  to call you from the land line anyway?
http://www.petsmobility.com/


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: BOOK OF THE MONTH
  Snatch in a Mess  
 
  A story about a little doggy with tidiness
  problems. Not exactly what we anticipated
  getting from those particular Amazon search
  words...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0861636619/b3ta-21


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Black Sheep

  Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and
  lies into one handy place on the interweb.
 
  Last week we wanted to know about the black sheep
  in your family. Frankly, we regret asking:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blacksheep/

  #1 Uncle Rastus
    "Watching film of her christening, my sister asked
    who the single noticeable black fellah was. Dad
    says, "That's Uncle Rastus, he's the black sheep
    of the family...  Mum refuses to talk of him."
    My sister, now 28, often says it's a shame that
    we never kept in contact with Uncle Rastus.
    
    Apologies due to the random bloke that
    Mum caught on film, I hope he enjoyed the
    christening he was attending after ours." (Timrot)
    
    
  #2 I think it might be me
    "I bought my obsessive compulsive younger brother
    a set of "day of the week" socks, then, a month
    or so later, took away the Friday socks. I don't
    think my mum will ever forgive me for the fun
    she had trying to convince my brother that he
    can wear Saturday socks on a Friday." (cooler_king)
     
     
  #3 Bus thief
    "My auntie used to go to Victoria Bus Station drunk
    with some mates after closing, nick a double decker
    bus and drive it down to Brighton - in 1947. She's
    still a good laugh at 75." (lolwhites)


  >> This Week's Question <<

  We'd like you to tell us about job interviews you've
  had or conducted. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/jobinterviews/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Gallery of failed dotcoms <<
  This gave us a happy little half hour. It's a
  gallery of failed e-commerce sites from the hazy
  days of the internet bubble. Clickmango, boo.com,
  they're all in there. "What a bunch of misguided
  twunts they all were," we chortled, slurping
  champagne by the pool of our dotcom mansion.
http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/mef.shtml


  >> Goldfish race track <<
  We always feel a bit sorry for goldfish stuck
  in little bowls all day. So hurray for this
  innovative tank which, by virtue of its
  figure-of-eight design, effectively simulates
  giving them an infinitely large pool. Also,
  kind of like fish Scalextric.
http://www.designboom.com/mcf/vases/2285.html


  >> Gaming tattoos <<
  Tattoos are only for the cool kids, is that what
  you think? Tragically, you're wrong, as shown by
  this parade of losers with tats inspired by video
  games. We feel particularly sorry for the Atari
  guy: He endured searing agony, got an incredibly
  shitty tattoo and now has to suffer from the
  ongoing devaluation of the Atari brand.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/gamingtattoos/


  >> Norwegian disco <<
  This Open University-type lecturer carries on the
  banner of the mighty Norsemen, as he teaches his
  fellow-country-men how to dance the disco. Whiz
  to just over halfway through for the money shot,
  as the music starts pumping, the formerly-impassive
  audience lumbers to its feet and our instructor
  busts a groove, shaking his Nordic arse to dance
  Valhalla.
http://folk.uio.no/tsandvik/fun/learn_disco.mpg


  >> Nude gay Christian athletics <<
  Nothing funny to see here. it's just a guy
  explaining how in a gym people often get naked.
  And you don't have to get all freaked out, just
  because they're absolutely in the nude. And right
  next to you. Oh, and here are some pictures of
  naked athletes.
http://www.gaychristianonline.org/gaychristianathletics10.html#USI


  >> Nerd cover versions <<
  There's a grand tradition of computer geeks
  altering the lyrics of popular songs to reflect
  their own particular interests. We rather enjoyed
  this extensive collection, with highlights including
  '50 Ways To Hose Your Code', 'Can't Parse This' and
  the wonderful 'Addicted To MUD'. If you don't get it,
  you're not nerdy enough.
http://www.poppyfields.net/filks/authindex.html


  >> Frost Car Graffiti <<
  The cold winter mornings have started to get us
  down. But who could resist a smile on seeing that
  someone had drawn a charming series of characters
  into the frost coating on all the cars in the street?
http://iftk.com.br/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2151


  >> Black Metal Hall of Shame <<
  Satanism is funny, heavy metal is funny. When the
  two of them come together it's comedy gold. Words
  absolutely fail us in trying to describe these
  wretched attempts by rockers to look like they
  could steal your soul.
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal.html


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Baby koala and happy squirrel

  Few things in this world carry the full weight
  of cuteness that a baby koala can bring to bear.
  They're like furry little old men.
http://www.lakeapplets.homestead.com/babies.html

  There's such an expression of innocent delight
  on this little squirrel's face. You just know
  she's going to be frolicking in the snow with
  her friends later on. Probably a hedgehog in a
  wooly hat and a duck with muffler.
http://www.steves-digicams.com/dpotd/dec2004/12112004.jpg


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Natural Rejection Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted you to show us the animals
  that were left no chance by evolution:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/naturalrejection/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Freshlegs' to judge the
  entries - here are her 3 faves.

  Freshlegs writes -


  #1 "One of God's blueprints - Behold the thought
    processes of God! Was I drunk when I judged this?
    Perhaps; but this image has it all: crudeness,
    a ridiculous animal and surreal originality.
    (CaroWallis)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4164883 

  #2 "Bach Tapir and rabid flautists - the theme of
    animals being hunted to extinction due to
    unfortunate markings was ubiquitous this week,
    but nowhere so blindingly obvious as in this one.
    (camel-related incident)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4157443  

  #3 "Christmas and the Gift Duck - the mental image
    of this duck being gleefully torn to shreds on
    Christmas morning gives me pause to reflect on
    the plight of our inferior animal cousins."
    (collapsibletank)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4160635



  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, the entire B3ta board conspired to
  give us the suggestion, "The Land That Scale Forgot"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/scale/



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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * ROB HAS A FACE FOR RADIO - mysteriously, your
    ginger editor, Rob Manuel has been turning up
    on the radio recently. Firstly reviewing games
    consoles and websites for the Phil Jupitus BBC
    6 breakfast show, then singing about child
    molesters on Scotish radio, and finally
    permforming under the name Barry Yams for
    a late night BBC radio 1 comedy show. You can
    listen to a stream here. Osymyso fans will
    enjoy the music to be sure.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/oneclick/comedy/050121.shtml
  
  * MISTER SHAW-TWILLY'S school in the Isle of Man
    may be under a curse of silly names. Apparently,
    a previous headmaster was called Richard Head.
    "And he was, too," moans James Cumming. "He
    smashed me in a piano when I was twelve."

  * THE LONDON UNDERGROUND SONG writers have been
    in touch. "Me and a mate wrote it," says Adam
    Kay. "We're junior doctors and we recorded a
    whole album for Macmillan Cancer Relief." You
    can check that out here:
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/home.php

  * WEEBL'S STUFF wins Yahoo award. Yes, it's more
    internet back slapping. Where's the money is 
    all we want to know.
http://weebls-stuff.com/

  * CURSOR LOVE BUNNY is unfair apparently. "I
    can't beat the bunny thing, its no fair, I
    have a disease," cries 'Beaniebethbaby', "I
    got a gene disorder that causes tremors and
    I got other shit. I'm going to shoot a bullet
    threw my spine!" All we can say is that all
    of B3ta are really, really sorry. Please
    don't shoot your spine, you'd only miss.
http://b3ta.com/bunnygame/


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Majestic cog-wheel game

  You're a sticky blob of something. Jump around
  the screen, grabbing the red pills by latching
  onto the slowly rotating wheels that can raise
  you to the skies. Slow-paced, but gripping.
  http://www.tonypa.pri.ee/wheels.html


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * GIVEMEBACKMYGOOGLE.COM - have you noticed
    that affiliate schemes are breaking Google?
    Have you tried searching for products
    recently? The first few pages are normally
    taken up by dickheads like kelkoo trying to
    grab their crappy 5%. Cunts. I want
    information, not this crap. GIVE ME BACK
    MY GOOGLE!

  * SUBSERVIENTQUADRIPLEGIC.COM - an update
    of the subservient chicken one. Except
    when you type stuff, your wheelchair-bound
    slave does fuck all. Except dribble. And
    occasionally piss himself.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:

  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson and the b4ta wiki crew.
  Links sent in by zog, Weebop, ben
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
  Proofing by b4ta. With spikes. (76525)
 
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  TOP TIP:
  Get rid of ants by sprinkling curry powder
  around. Ants hate the delicious taste of curry.

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