we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!"

next issue »
« previous issue

"IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!"
This Week:
* PRINTER - made of Lego!
* BORIS - Mayor of London bouncy dance track
* PICS - In the creationist museum

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___ 
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're writing the     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     headline headghgh
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       ... together"

B3ta email 431 - 4 Jun 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue431/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Sonic the Hedgehog - Tails soft toy

  Oh shitting fuck we really should sell some
  advertising but instead, as tradition dictates,
  our most recent purchase on Amazon is a foot
  tall Tails character - he's Sonic's friend and
  is so-named because he's got two tails. We're
  not going to make any jokes about what else he
  might have two of because we bought this for
  our 5 year-old son as a birthday present and
  don't want to weird him out.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001CFRJ74/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than showing on the doll where the nasty
  man touched them

  >> Lego printer <<
  "Here's a Lego printer with added horses that I
  made," says squirrelfantasy. This is so clever
  it's scary, and the vid has circulated the
  interglobe twice in the few days since he made
  it. We reckon Lego should bung him a few quid
  and bring this product to market - it's awesome.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lego_printer


  >> Corn starch + mr scruff <<
  "Here are the wonders of non-Newtonian fluids
  on a bored Sunday!" brags an excited Fygget.
  Freaky, contorting gloop on a speaker. Good
  music though.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cornstarch_subwoofer_mr_scruff


  >> Unnatural worms <<
  "Hi dudes," greets chief dude Joel Veitch. "Got
  a game this week in case it's any interest for
  the newsletter - the aim is to find all 16
  creatures." Recreate the experience of being a
  child too poor for toys, by dragging worms all
  over the back yard to see what they do. 
http://www.rathergood.com/unnatural


  >> They are Watermelons <<
  "This is the story of 2 Watermelons hanging
  out, and doing stuff," says Appox. "One of them
  is called Charles, the other is called Dan."
  Odd, wistful, talking watermelon-based
  animation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/They_are_Watermelons_Dream


  >> Boris Johnson vs 2 Anonymous DJs <<
  "It was a funny idea down the pub. Could we get
  Boris J to appear on a track? Strangely it came
  true," explains spike_tones. "Aardman loved it
  so made a video. Our mate involved in this
  unfortunately died of cancer, so we're giving
  profits to Macmillan."
http://snurl.com/torybeats


-------------------------------------------------


QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Professions you hate
  
  Last week we asked you to say which professions
  you found the most irritating - personally we
  loath bank staff and, hmm, best keep our mouths
  shut here *mpmmphf*
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/professions/

  * AGENTS - "If the second part of your job
  title's "Agent" and the first part isn't
  "Secret", you're a cunt." (grandmasterfluffles)

  * "PROSTITUTES - and now police men. How the
  hell am I going to finish my PhD now? Bastards."
  (Zak McFlimby)

  * AND A SPECIAL MENTION to the Supreme Crow who
  writes, "Best advice I ever had? 'Don't answer
  the QotW a week late.'"

  >> This Week's Question: Getting caught <<
  MJPerry asks: Masturbating, stealing, making
  the cat dance... when did someone catch you
  doing something you wanted to remain secret?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/caught/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> People I see on the 'street' <<
  Charming photoblog of eccentrics sighted on the
  London street. Scroll back a few pages to see
  that it used to be people on the Tube, until
  Transport for London kicked up a stink and made
  them change the name.
http://peopleiseeonthestreet.com


  >> Beardy beanie <<
  Does your face get cold, but you don't want to
  look like a terrorist in a balaclava? Instantly
  enjoy both facial warmth and the many other
  perks that come with fine, luxuriant beard
  growth.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/47868043/


  >> Husbandís frozen sperm <<
  A lady rather exuberantly celebrates winning
  the right to use her husband's frozen sperm.
http://www.unionversity.com/husbands-frozen-sperm


  >> In the Creationist Museum <<
  "The Genesis Creation Museum, where is that -
  the southern USA?" you inquire. Surprisingly,
  it's in the UK. Perhaps less surprisingly, it's
  in Portsmouth. And filled with all sorts of
  exhibits explaining how the tyrannosaur and the
  man once lived together harmoniously, and dined
  only on vegetables. Imagine if the T-rex ate
  the apple first.
http://picasaweb.google.com/aorellana/CreationMuseum


  >> Lost 'retro-game' <<
  Entertaining series of screenshots - what a
  Lost spin-off game would look like, if it was
  brought out circa. 1985.
http://www.penneydesign.com/folio_IM_lostgame.html


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like Youtube but with our HTML round it

  >> Rock Out With Your Cock Out! <<
  Most drummers are pretty dull to watch, whilst
  others, such as Keith Moon steal the show. Here
  is one such performance - all the better for
  being with a poor, gold-suited covers band. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Rock_Out_With_Your_Cock_Out


  >> Re-uploading vids to youTube 1000 times <<
  When we were young and had our heads filled
  with silly, arty ideas we once faxed a document
  backwards and forwards about 40 times to see
  what it looked like. Then covered our bedroom
  wall with the prints and the pretentious title,
  "The Darkness Encroaches". And on a similar
  theme:
http://snurl.com/pixelmanofdeath


  >> Mark Kermode reviews and impersonates Danny Dyer <<
  For forrens - Mark Kermode is a movie critic
  and Danny Dyer is an actor, best-known for
  suggesting in a teen agony aunt column that the
  best way to get over a broken heart is to cut
  the girl's face so nobody else would want her.
  There appears to be some animosity between the
  two. 
http://snurl.com/fightfightfight


  >> Brodyquest <<
  Acclaimed actor Adrien Brody walks the wide
  world on the best day of his life. This is
  absolutely the most awesome thing ever,
  improving as it goes along.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/BRODYQUEST


  >> Star Wars iPad briefing <<
  Steve Jobs briefs the Rebel Alliance on the
  latest Apple product. Nice bit of redubbing
  from a Mr Adam Buxton.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_wars_Ipad_briefing


  >> Just like the original? <<
  Girl does a Lady Gaga for video production
  class. It's so awful that we can't quite tell
  if it's deliberately bad. Surely... but then,
  she just won't give the game away.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Just_like_the_original


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  We tried to kill it but it's still here

  Andy writes, "I know you like people with funny
  names, and 'Sheila Dikshit' had me snorting out
  my coffee. She's chief minister of Delhi, and
  also has a PhD. I don't know if Dr Dikshit has
  a better ring to it than Sheila, but you can
  read more about her here. Pip pip!"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheila_Dikshit


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Animated Albums Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to animate the sleeves
  of classic albums

  Your favourites included:
 
  * ZEBRA - the world's most iconic walk,
  repeated ad nauseam (elvisweathercock)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10068074

  * WOBBLE - sometimes, our instructions are
  taken way too literally (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10068661

  * FROG - and the camera pulls back to reveal...
  (drboon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10067657


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animatedalbums/


  >> New challenge: Medical Posters <<
  2 Can Chunder writes: "I am a GP 
  registrar. Please design educational 
  posters for me to display in the waiting 
  room." Consider it your public duty to do 
  so, and to educate a nation about its 
  health.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/doctors/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * UGLY PERSON CONFESSION BLOG - Last week we
  brought you news that Stan Cattermole was
  giving up pretending to be ugly and fessing up
  - if you missed the actual confession then
  read it here. Stan aka Karl writes, "Hey Rob, I
  think it's gone OK on the whole. There's a
  small minority of haters, although some of them
  really mean it. I'm going to write something
  today to put up tomorrow morning, sifting
  through the reactions and whatnot and then
  that's it. Fresh start on Monday."
http://karlwebster.com/2010/06/the-ugly-truth-out-of-the-bag/


  * BRIAN BLESSED SAT NAV PROTOTYPE - We brought
  you news of this Facebook campaign a while back
  and now they've produced a demo video. The
  'Brian Blessed is good at shouting' meme never
  dies.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brian_Blessed_Sat_Nav_prototype


  * DAN BULL VS ISRAEL - fearless Mr Bull uses
  his powers of melodic rap to tackle the issues
  of the day - and this time writes a chorus
  about how much he really likes Jewish people really,
  and ties himself up in knots and reminds us of
  why it's best to have no opinion on Israel ever.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Who_likes_Jews


  * DANGEROUS TOP TIPS? - Noel writes, "Re:
  foot-sanding top tip: using a belt or
  rotating-disc sander will burn your feet and
  make you walk like a mutant. A good orbital
  sander and some 120 grit paper will do wonders
  for your feet. Use progressively higher grit
  paper and buff with wax to give them a nice
  shiny finish /ex-joiner blog."


  * A NEW FACT - Barticus points out, "The proper
  name of 'draw and fold over' is exquisite
  corpse." We did know this, but reckoned it
  sounded too rotten.com for anybody to want to
  click it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exquisite_corpse

  
  * TIME WASTED ON TYPING WWW. - Chad replies,
  "www.internetworldstats.com lists a total of
  1,802,330,457 distinct web users in its latest
  figures. Allowing an average typing speed of
  31.5 Words Per Minute (based on wikipedia
  listing it at between 23 and 40WPM), and an
  average of 10 sites per day requiring URLs to
  be typed, leads us to:
  ((1/31.5)*10)*1,802,330,457 = 572168399.05s.
  Or, 6622.32 days."


  * CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE - "Hi! I'm
  @tomfarrington and I wrote that 'Breakfast
  Viennetta' tip...not fussed about the credit,
  just wanted you to know, because you're my
  heroes. Hope all is good, Tom."


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * KEEPMELOGGEDOUTOF.COM/facebook/5weeks - we
  were feeling a bit annoyed with Facebook the
  other day and would like to put a lid on it for
  a few days without doing a big huffy attention
  seeking disable profile thing and figured a
  great site idea would be a service that changes
  your password for time period to something
  unguessable and then resets it back. This
  should also work with twitter, b3ta, the daily
  mail and other sites that suck our time and
  make us annoyed.

  * KIDS TV STYLE THEME SONGS FOR NORMAL TELLY -
  Mike Trinder asks,"it is the law that all
  children's shows must have a theme song that
  introduces all the characters and explains the
  plot. We'd like to see this principle applied
  to adult TV like The Wire." Christ! You'd need
  a 2 week long opera to describe the plot of The
  Wire.

  * A GUIDE TO FOOTBALL-FREE PUBS - Rob Leese
  Jones pleads, "My once-lovely local has now
  installed a massive screen and is showing
  football in 3D. With the World Cup almost upon
  us can you ask in the newsletter if someone
  could build a site or google maps thingy
  listing the pubs that *aren't* showing matches?
  I'd like to avoid the entire tournament if
  possible."


  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Darklord, Tedium,
  freeallbadgers, Lightguy, AFish, Lesbian Ham,
  Philip_newzealand, applehead and The Great
  Architect. Top Tippery by blaireau69.
  Additional linkage and image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Sicki 'lols' via Buttnugget.
  Subjline via benito vasselini.
  *mpmmphf* = lawyers
  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:

  Whenever baking bread (or whatever) NEVER
  measure the volume of water in a jug. Measuring
  jugs, even those pricey Pyrex ones are wildly
  inaccurate. For much-improved accuracy (and,
  thusly, better bread) weigh it instead. 350ml of
  water weighs 350g. (A controversial tip that's
  already generating debate on our site)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post742981


-------------------------------------------------

  Stephen Hawking seems to have a chip on his
  shoulder. Whoops! Typo. I meant chin. 
http://www.sickipedia.org/

next issue »
« previous issue