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NEWSLETTER: "I PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO GIVE UP MOUSSAKA"

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This Week:
* ELECTRIC DREAMS - Awesome tranny tribute 
* HAKA - On heavy drugs
* PRISON - Your Christmas survival guide

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're saving our    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    Euros in a big 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   piggy bank... together"

B3ta email 503 - 4th Nov 2011

Read this issue in brail with your (lady) penis:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue503/

       Kisses:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
     Pisses:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Inappropriately-named kids' toy

  Iloveminge writes, "Was looking for a present
  for my daughter for Crimbo and stumbled across
  this. And no I didn't order one.... Klein 5219
  Princess Coralie Make-up and Hairstyling Head 25
  cm with make-up and Ass."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00272NHG8/b3ta-21

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Computers, Nostalgia, Ulrika and Miami Sweeney

  >> Electric Dreams <<
  "Riley here," growls Riley, "from the tranny
  metal band Mechanical Black. We have just made
  a music video tribute to the computer industry
  with cameo appearances or messages from: Steve
  Wozniak, Steve Jackson, Ian Livingstone, David
  Warhol and many, many many more. Oh - did I
  mention we are also trannies (who look
  awesome)?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmPta19GSFU


  >> Peel Player <<
  "Instant nostalgiagasm," offers DPD Nolan.If
  you grew up in the 70s, 80s, or 90s, or indeed
  00s and like music, you probably remember the
  John Peel Festive 50s. So here's your chance to
  listen to every single track, in sequence or at
  random. "If you're going to be hypercritical,"
  continues DPD, "There's too much fucking
  Wedding Present." 
http://peelplayer.com


  >> Ulrika-ka-ka <<
  "The latest from forthcoming concept album
  'Oliver Pissed'," trills Fat Boab. Entertaining
  comic opera stylings of the old-school variety.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ulrika


  >> The Sweeney vs Miami Vice <<
  "I wondered how the glamorous Miami Vice
  opening titles would look if they used the same
  stock footage as The Sweeney," explains Joe
  Scaramanga. Interestingly, although 70s London
  looks depressingly gritty, nowadays it's an
  exotic enough place to set a drama.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Sweeney_vs_Miami_Vice


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Racist Grandparents

  Or, "Oh hai, racist users of b3ta!" as it very
  quickly became known. Not our finest hour, but
  the good stuff is still good:
http://b3ta.com/questions/racistgrandparents/

  * "I know a lot of people have had a downer on
  this week's question, but I've found it a
  fascinating insight into the views of the
  general public. It's a bit like pulling back the
  covers to reveal the repressed feelings of
  individuals who don't speak their mind only
  because of fear of criticism rather than because
  they think it's wrong. I'm mixed race and have
  encountered my fair share of racism (mainly in
  the 80s & 90s). It's still there, just whispered
  rather than shouted. Anyway, my kids are mixed
  race and for the time being oblivious to the
  prejudice that exists in the world. One
  afternoon over dinner, my father-in-law referred
  to the guy over the road as "the coloured chap."
  Cue my wife and I looking at each other aghast.
  My boy, who's nearly four, piped up immediately,
  "What, like the people in Avatar?" (BinDipper)
	 
  * "An old lady on the bus. When it was her stop
  was struggling to get her ubiquitous old lady
  shopping trolley down the step. A nice guy in a
  turban who was getting on kindly helped her with
  it. She said to him, "Thanks my dear, I hope
  your head gets better soon." (sittingduck)
	 
  * "I'm nearly 40 and German... I think I got
  this covered." (bierbelly)


  >> This Week's Question - Tactless <<
  As grandmasterfluffles puts it, "My ex once told
  me, "That's the best sex I've ever had... Well,
  apart from with my cousin...":
http://b3ta.com/questions/tactless/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> A survival guide to the UK prison system. <<
  Interesting insight into what prison life is
  like in the UK. Good info considering you're all
  probably going to jail for downloading Bros CDs.
  Might take you a few hours to read, so a useful
  way of killing time. 
http://issuu.com/prisonism/docs/hmp_a_survival_guide


  >> Cleaning up after the Japanese tsunami <<
  So how is Japan six months later? The answer is
  "Better but not exactly great". Hard to spin
  this into a joke, really, as there's nothing
  hugely funny about a country being trashed.
  Interesting though.
http://goo.gl/TtLka


  >> A font made of bacon <<
  As if the font made of Llamas the other week wasn't
  enough. Next week? A font made of vaginas.
http://goo.gl/iqd1z


  >> Minge art <<
  Speaking of ladybits, Lara writes, "Don't know if
  you have featured this chap before - Jamie
  McCartney - but he produces the most amazing
  casts of any part of your body you desire. His
  latest project is 'The Great Wall of Vagina'. I
  could be there... but I couldn't possible say
  as my mum might be reading this."
http://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/home


  >> Funny magazine top tips <<
  Compilations of this stuff never fail to amuse.
  You should dedicate your life to sending mental
  top tips in to Chat. eg. "Avoid strangers
  starting conversations with you by walking
  around with a cardboard box in your head and
  muttering." Works for us anyway.
http://lifedeathtoptips.tumblr.com


  >> Naughty website tricks <<
  Lovely wiki of all the cunning bullshit website
  bastards pull to fuck over the users. Kept us
  busy for hours. 
http://wiki.darkpatterns.org/Home


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH

  Best name for a cute site ever.
http://thefluffingtonpost.com/

  PS. We've just tried to play the 'famous site
  VS fluff = new name' game and got 'Petflix'. 


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Imagine if you could watch TV on your PC!!!

  * MINI ROBOT RIDES BIKE - if someone could
  import these in time for Xmas then every kid
  would want one, to save the drudgery of having
  to ride their own bikes. 
http://goo.gl/D3kt7


  * HAKA MIND-MELT - The Haka is a traditional Maori
  war dance from New Zealand and adopted by their
  rugby team. It's already odd, but this is
  like the bad acid that makes you swear off
  hallucinogenics and stick to booze.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Haka_on_Acid:2


  * "I'VE GOT THE WEIRDEST BONER RIGHT NOW" -
  Naked girls dancing on crutches. It's like a cam
  into our mind.
http://t.co/kVvXhm7f


  * TANK DOG - Small dog in tank costume. The
  first line of defence, should Crufts ever be
  dragged into World War 3.
http://t.co/dShvnoKA
  

  * CONDOM APPLICATOR DESIGN - If you've ever
  attempted to stick a rubber jacket on the old
  chap you'll know it can be a tricksy affair.
  Could this design solve all that fumbling? From
  package to completion in three seconds. 
http://su.pr/1yo51O  


  * IF QUAKE WAS MADE TODAY - Makes a critical
  point about how hand-holdy modern games are. Not
  like when we were kids, and games used to
  literally stab you in the penis on level 1.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/If_Quake_was_done_today


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Still as funny as elbow cancer

  * DICK WIFE - Is that a name or an instruction?
http://www.sord.nl/sord-people.html

 * A BUBBLE THAT LOOKS LIKE A COCK - you'll think
 'whatever', but if you look at the photo you'll
 enjoy it.
http://goo.gl/3Hlwi

  * BRILLIANT IDEA TO COMBAT DOMESTIC ABUSE -
  we're so on this. 
http://t.co/RDUzsa6I

  * COCK-LIKE PRODUCT - clearly designed to look
  like a cock in the hope idiots like us link to
  it.
http://www.thebigchopper.com/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the B3ta City Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to imagine a world in
  which b3ta was a city:
  
  Your favourites included:
 
  * POPE - unwelcome evacuation from Catholic head
  honcho (E Dubya)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10585728

  * FAQ - if life were a messageboard, in a
  nutshell (yanmania...)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10584441

  * NAG - in which Jeremy the Annoying Horse
  attacks Gotham (Fresh Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10584408

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/b3tacity/


  >> New challenge: Population <<
  Earth's population has reached seven billion,
  which is rather too much. This week's challenge
  is to devise a solution to reduce the numbers,
  using only the power of Photoshop.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/population/


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Celebrity Paedophile

  Think of a name of a celebrity and google it
  with the word "paedophile" and giggle at the
  mentalists invariably accusing them of being
  part of some Illuminati child-rape cult.


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * DRESS UP AS TONY BLAIR - go on chat roulette
  with your cock out. That's what we do when we're
  unemployed.

  * WRITE A BOND THEME - Skyfall! (ba da dah) I've
  had an Eyeful. (ba da dah) He's got a powerful
  rainmaker. He loves only SKY! The plot? Liz
  Jones stars as Bond Girl Ivanna Yor Jizz,
  spunk-stealer of the financial elite in a
  plot to sell the ill-gotten semen to women
  aged 37-42.

  * THE WORLD ACCORDING TO YOUTUBE COMMENTERS - 
    A is for Adele: "Adele reveals her celebrity
    crush." &#65279; My god, who has she sat on now?
    B is for Beyonce - "MILF!"


  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by gxusm, robneymcplum,
  @edent, Griffy Savalas. Top Tippery by
  robneymcplum & uriba, @melat0nin, goatsy,
  @user24, @Mark_Hurricane, benryves, jenthegr8,
  chuff monkey, tacpprm, n.matthews, @bermsville
  Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols 
  via Serge.

  
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  TOP TIP:
  While enjoying a Friday night of beer-based fun,
  bottle all your piss throughout the evening
  and put it in the fridge before you go to bed.
  Then the following evening you have 8 glorious
  pints of ice-cold 'Carling' lager for free.

  TOP TIP 2: 
  Have less than a day left to watch a download on
  BBC iPlayer? Click. Watch a moment past the
  ident - you now have six more days.

  TOP TIP 2 (supplemental): Or just torrent it.

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