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NEWSLETTER: TAX RETURN! NOW WE'VE GOT YOUR ATTENTION HERE'S SOME COOL INTERNET STUFF

 
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This Week:
* DAILY MAIL - Most-hated comments, live!
* SPIROGRAPH - But all online and stuff
* FACEBOOK - Except if it was 1995

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're lowering your     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   IQ... together" 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 650  - 23 Jan 2015

Read this issue whilst shouting "650!"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue650 

   Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Snub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Big bastard penknife thing

  Got about £1,000 spare? Then we've got the knife
  for you. OK, maybe you don't actually want to
  buy this but you're probably curious what kind
  of penknife a grand gets you on Amazon. No?
  Oh well, suit yourself.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000R0JDSI/b3ta-21

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK


  >> What REALLY killed Google Glass... <<
  "The sinister truth behind google's failed
  wearable tech device," claims mertonmuffley. It
  could all too easily be true...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_REALLY_killed_Google_Glass


  >> Father Jack Vs UK politics <<
  "I thought you might like this," offers David J
  Heath. And, indeed, the drunken Irish priest of
  legend might as well be reading out our
  thoughts as we watch the news.
http://youtu.be/g4e3qdcoRhU


  >> Daily Mail most-hated comments <<
  A live feed of the online paper's MOST
  downvoted comments. "I made this so the world
  can keep tabs on the endless bile, insanity and
  rage spewed out in the Mail Online comments
  section every day," explains Jon. Thanks Jon!
http://dailymailcomments.com


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: USVSTH3M CORNER
  You know, the day job

  First two written by your Ginger Fuhrer, and the
  third by B3tan old hand Matt Round.

  * 16 creepy Craigslist ads offering free rooms
  in exchange for... well, basically for sex.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/16-creepy-ads-from-people-on-craigslist-who-are-offering-free-rooms


  * Everything from Alan Moore's mind eventually
  lands in the real world: Nick Griffin ripping
  off 'V for Vendetta' logo - also Griffin accuses
  Rob Manuel of being part of the 'Zonist media'
  whatever that is.
http://goo.gl/KPWJF2


  * NEW GAME: How fast can you read War and Peace?
  Worth it for the page-bottom comments.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/war-and-peace/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Surveillance' challenge

  Last week we asked for your images of state 
  funded, paranoia-inducing, rifling through our
  bins and reading the post-it notes on our 
  fridge ways to “keep us safe”.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * Pigeon: The eye in the sky. (sheep)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129419

  * Bond: Could you come with us please sir
  (Flash_Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129137
 
  * I-Spy: fun for all the nosy family of state
  informers. (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129714
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/surveillance/popular

   >> New challenge: Comedy Crossover <<
  This week we're swapping characters, places and
  things between comedy films and tv shows. Delboy
  falling through the Cheers bar, Herr Flick
  asking for Pike's name, that sort of thing.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedycrossover


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * SURPRISING CURE FOR HICCUPS - an actual  medical
  paper suggests sticking a finger up your arse.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2299306

  
  * INTERACTIVE SPIROGRAPH - all the fun of
  Christmas in the 1970s without getting a load of
  ink on your dungarees.
http://nathanfriend.io/inspirograph/


  * SHIT CHILDREN'S TOY KNOCK-OFFS - because
  getting things a bit wrong is a comedy trope.
http://imgur.com/gallery/CXcZG


  * DRAWINGS ON STARBUCKS LOGOS - probably because
  it takes so bloody long to get served that people
  need to do SOMETHING with their time.
http://sleevebucks.tumblr.com/
  
  
  * UPSIDE-DOWN ICEBERG - did you know they
  sometimes capsize? Pretty, but you won't be
  laughing when it turns out it's a sign of
  environmental Armageddon. 
http://goo.gl/WpF91I


  * HITLER LEGO - Telegraph trolling for traffic
  by running a "story of Hitler made in Lego
  school project". Photo 14 is Hitler suicide /
  Blondi German Shepherd death scene.
http://t.co/e8vUEYeCsL  


  * ART CRIME - Police have arrested a bot for
  buying drugs from the darknet in the name of
  art.
http://t.co/u0v5xHhpcb


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: REMEMBER TO REGISTER TO VOTE
  A public service broadcast  
  
  Sure, Russell Brand & Morrissey reckon voting is
  supporting the system - but in a choice between
  the lesser of two evils we'd choose less evil
  because you'd get LESS EVIL.
https://t.co/YHwG5k6E1D


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  You know, GIFS, with sound

  * MORE SCIENCE FROM MEHDI - because, as we said
  previously, getting things wrong is comedy gold.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/More_Science_from_Mehdi


  * DILDO FACTORY - amusing song / video combo.
  Song apparently from Scarface but we've never
  seen that. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1267028/


  * IF FACEBOOK EXISTED IN 1995 - funny. Actually
  social networks sort of DID exist back then,
  'poke' was 'finger' etc, but your mum wasn't on
  it, unless she was doing a degree in Computer
  Science - and, if she was, good luck to her!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/If_Facebook_existed_in_1995


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Wank mountain 
  
  thefernies writes, "I think you should place
  this in the travel plus wanking section."
http://goo.gl/eZ66XP


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: BEST MOVIE STRAPLLINE
  We asked for suggestions and... 

  Bravenewmalden writes, "It's got to be 'Take the
  stairs, take the stairs, for God's sake take the
  stairs!!!'"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087622/?ref_=nv_sr_1


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * COMPREHENSION DICTIONARY - like an ordinary
  online dictionary but every word is fed through a
  quiz engine to rank the percentage of people who
  understand the meaning. E.g. Sausages 98%
  comprehension. 
  
  * HMRC BOT - that makes people leave Twitter
  by reminding them they haven't sorted their tax
  out.
  
  * A CURE FOR A SPLIT LIP - your writer here is
  in considerable pain!
  
  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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:  FOLLOW @B3TA ON TWITTER
   Because it's nearly the new millennium! 
https://twitter.com/b3ta

  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by moogthedog
  zacherynuk Fadgebadger RompaStompa The Tramp
  Surveyor username failed moderation &
  zacherynuk. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via  Vice
  Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Avoid confusion over whether to use "a" or "an"
  before words like "historic" or acronyms like
  HTML, by always adding the word "fucking" after
  the indefinite article. "This is a fucking
  historic occasion". "I need a fucking HTML
  expert".

 
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