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NEWSLETTER: "WHY'S IT CALLED A CHEEKY NANDO'S? BECAUSE YOU'RE EATING CHICKEN'S ARSEHOLES"

 
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This Week:
* JEREMY CLARKSON - reviews games
* MAD MEN - for the internet age
* A PARROT - shouting into a little cup

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving our fluids     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   in bottles... together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 665  - 22 May 2015

Read this issue whilst pretending to be a horse:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue665

Friend b3ta on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Lipstick 'massager'

  Do you get embarrassed carrying a dildo or
  vibrator all day? Then why not buy one
  disguised as a lipstick? They're dirt cheap
  (less than £3) and er...
  
  To be honest we have no idea but, if you do buy
  one, get in touch and tell us how it works out.
  We're just simply amused that the damn things
  exist.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00GTK7P12/b3ta-21


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making poo and wee

  >> Where were the people who didn't vote? <<
  "What about the other millions of people who
  didnít vote in the General Election?" inquires,
  er, 'Tony Stark'. "A covert team went out on the
  day and captured where people went instead of
  the polling stations." The results will SHOCK*
  you.
https://youtu.be/hhM-eDqRaew


  >> 'Say no to gluten' rap <<
  "Here's a song about the evils of wheat-based
  life," evangelises Dave WALLOP, "And the merits
  of going Gluten Free." It's worryingly catchy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfxpNB5JhMg


  >> Boardgame about worshipping a holy chicken <<
  "Remember War on Terror: the boardgame?"
  prompts Tarka_the_Frotter.  "Well I've made a
  new game and this one's about religion.

  "In this one, you get to create your own
  religion, around the worship of a holy chicken.
  It's called The Hen Commandments."
https://goo.gl/7PCdCi


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Fingers' challenge

  Last week asked to see your fingers, because 
  weird, flexible, gristle-and-bone-filled 
  sausages are our thing.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * Quo: Rick and Francis classic pose recreated
  in paint and digits. (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11150688

  * Handtler: the fuhrer finger. 
(collapsibletank)
http://b3ta.com/board/11150730

  * Duel: a very painful looking falling out. 
(Flash Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11151125
  
  All these images, and a load more can be
  found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fingers/

 
  >> New challenge: Fingers <<
  This week we're running down the canine hit
  parade. Show us the albums (and singles) that
  make dogs wag their tails. From Pink Floyd's
  'Bark Side of the Moon' to Run DMC's 'Walkies
  This Way'.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dogalbums/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
  
  * FROTTAGE INTERVIEW - interview with a guy who
  rubs himself against strangers on the Tube.
  Er... Stop doing that!
http://goo.gl/jhQzus


  * FASCINATING HIDDEN GAME - for two years no
  one noticed the weird extra bit in a Kanye West
  RPG. Spooky.
http://goo.gl/NOMVhh


  * MAD MEN 2.0 - what if you nicked gifs of Mad
  Men and pretended they were talking about
  modern web advertising? You'd make us
  depressed. That's what.
http://madmenintegrated.tumblr.com/

  
  * WAR ON DAILY MAIL - There's a bot on Reddit
  that screengrabs Daily Mail stories so you can
  read them without contributing to their clicks. 
http://www.reddit.com/user/DailMail_Bot


 * FOUR LOL FOUR - this 404 page made us stare
 for two seconds then roll our eyes SO HARD.
http://www.reddogmusic.co.uk/404pagenotfound 


  * BLAKE'S 7 EBAY SALE - Blimey! You can buy the
  original Liberator ship from Blake's 7 on eBay.
  Not sure we'd pay £33,000 for it, mind.
http://goo.gl/IkSc9Z


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Follow @b3ta on Twitter: 
https://twitter.com/b3ta

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: TWO BITS OF PROOF THAT THE INTERNET IS
  Officially uncool now

  1. Some shitty airline company has made a long,
  boring video full of dank, old memes. It's hard
  to watch and makes us wish we were into CB
  radios instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vttuonfu2BM


  2. We don't understand how anyone can celebrate
  10 years of YouTube when it's used to propagate
  Jamie Oliver rapping. Jesus wept! Close YouTube
  NOW.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ug_vpIk1jc


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Animated jpeg sequences with sequenced audio

  * SELFIE DRONE - You know how every Kickstarter
  is shit? Well so is this - some kind of drone
  selfie machine. Awful. Everyone associated with
  this should be killed. By drones.
https://www.lily.camera/


  * FARTY MUSIC - so this guy recorded his fart,
  noticed it was a "major seventh arpeggio in B
  flat" and recorded a whole tune around it. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-5RVMerfI


  * JUST A PARROT... having a bit of a shout into
  a cup. We've all done it. Actually we have, and
  so have you.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1305030/


  * HEARING TEST - here's a short, mean comedy
  video that perfectly demonstrates the 'rule of
  three'. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Hearing_Test


  * CARDBOARD AEROPLANE - it's the joyous
  laughter that makes this short video such a
  delight.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1305529/


  * JEREMY CLARKSON REVIEWS AMSTRAD COMPUTER
  GAMES - Did you know... just before he got his
  gig presenting Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson was a
  video game journalist/reviewer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biGN6EP5Klg


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow ups on previous stories

  >> Shed of the year shortlist <<
  This year's Sheddies are a little different -
  the judges have selected a shortlist and now
  you, the public, get to choose the ultimate
  shed winner.

  "Some quirky entries as you would expect but a
  lot of love and hard work put in from the
  sheddies," notes Ultimate Shed Overlord
  unclewilco.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1304684/


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: TWEET PERSONALITY QUIZ IDEA
  We're too lazy to turn into a 'thing'

  1. Go to this list http://www.imdb.com/chart/top 
  2. Look up the film in the chart that matches your age
  3. This is the story of your year

  Us? "The Tramp struggles to live in modern
  industrial society with the help of a young
  homeless woman."

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    Kiss us:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Miss us:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Dan dan dan,
  Cragget and tits.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip via robneymcplum.
  
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Friend b3ta on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

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  TOP TIP:
  Want your partner to be back earlier than
  planned? Simply type 'youporn' into Google.

 
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