NEWSLETTER: "ASDA WAS NAMED AFTER ITS FOUNDERS: AGNETHA, SENNY, DJöRN & ANNI-FRID"
* PIGEON SONG - Yes, a song, about pigeons
* IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS - Happy B-day Mario
* 90s GIFS - Would it be B3ta without them?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by tattooing our favourite
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| websites on our knuckles"
B3ta e-mail-e-newsletter 962 - 26th Sep 2025
Read this issue to Alexa as a punishment:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue962
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making sausages great again
* 'FASHTERMIND' QUIZ - rob-frankosonic writes,
"Probably a bit too depressing, but given the
free ride that the media currently seem to be
giving to extreme right wing views, I thought it
might be slightly less horrendous if it was made
into a fun multi-choice quiz." Next week we
rejig the classic B3ta quiz: Fash Or Tash.
Actually that would work wouldn't it? Is this
facial hair far right, or just right?
https://fashtermind.pages.dev/
* PIGEON SONG FOR YOU TO MARVEL AT - "I wrote a
song about Pigeons", writes Chairman L'Mao,
"Yes, I'm far too old to be carrying on like
this." We're always a bit cringing about songs,
hoping they're going to be good, but this one
is. And the one-take video is charming. You will
be entertained.
https://b3ta.com/links/I_wrote_a_song_about_Pigeon...
* HOW MUCH SWEARING IS THERE ON SOCIAL MEDIA
ACTUALLY? - bagpuss.org tells us he's "Gauging
the mood of Bluesky by measuring the percentage
of posts with swears." We hope that by measuring
this, this project actually encourages more
swearing, as all metrics end up gamified.
https://bsky.app/profile/swearsky.bagpuss.org
* BUY YOUR OFFICIAL CHRIS BARKER NUDE CALENDAR
NOW - the artist formerly known as Dr Dunno is
back on his bullshit and has made a calendar of
movies that don't exist so that you have nice
things to look at for all of 2026. And you're
going to need it, because 2026 is the year where
Trump is going to officially make you look at
his anus, else you're a terrorist.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/davidquantick...
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: ANON OPIN GIG
Tufnell Park, that London
Coz your editor figures that arguing with
strangers about trivial bullshit might be fun,
he's booked a couple of Anon Opin gigs. Do come
down because life is short and you might as well
give things a go before you die. Is that the
kind of copy that sells tickets? Hell yes.
https://www.designmynight.com/london/bars/kentish-...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
It's always time for you to buy clothes
Apparently Pink Floyd have a re-issue of Wish
You Were Here out for Christmas that costs £220,
and it's the kind of thing you could buy a
middle-aged man, but the reality is, he's going
to listen to the album on Spotify and stick it
on a shelf. What you want to do instead is buy
him some fine threads at Hebtro, because he'll
actually wear them. That's how to do man
presents right: clothes, booze and sausages.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Friends fear we're posting fesses again
You refuse to stop typing shit into our Google
form, so this is our life now, posting out the
best ones for likes. Some that we liked this
week include:
* LET'S PLAY VET - "Went to take painkillers for
a raging headache I had and accidentally took
the dogs worming tablets. When I rang the vet to
ask if I would be okay she said 'uh you realise
we're animal doctors? Maybe ring your actual
doctor?' Now we have to change vet."
* DON'T DO THIS, IT'S ASSAULT - "In the pub
carrying 3 pints, my mate came up behind me and
pulled my pants down. Undies came down too. Roar
of laughter went up. A few weeks later spotted
him filling up at the petrol station. I snuck
behind him and pulled his shorts down. It wasn't
him. Got in my car & drove off."
* EMBARRASSING BOLLOCKS - "I don't know which is
more disturbing. Finding out that the catchy
ditty Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles is about
cunnilingus or having my mother in law explain
this to me via the medium of Charades."
Follow the account that's also on Facebook
because our approach to hope with the Twitter
going insane is just to post fucking everywhere.
Penguin Island: Fesshole edition coming soon.
https://www.facebook.com/fesshole
Come to shows. Worthing next, then Liverpool and
Leeds. Also Anon Opin shows for sale.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Oh and if you need persuading to come to the
shows then we were delighted to see that the
Diss show got a review in the local newspaper
where the journalist called your editor the
"Lord of Misrule for the digital age" which is
something to tell the kids about.
https://archive.ph/qUvDc
And of course keep buying the books so we get
the 15p kick back from Amazon, which so far has
added up to us being able to buy a new digital
watch. Very much looking forward to our 'Casio
ABL-100WE-1AEF' arriving this Sunday, which is a
classic Casio but with a step counter and a few
other bluetooth functions that sync with your
phone. Exciting times for old nerds.
https://amazon.co.uk/s
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: SITES IN BRIEF
* "OH, IT'S THAT GUY" - A game in which you must
try and remember everything you've seen the
actor appear in. Like most America-centric
games, a niche British version would be nice.
Perhaps where you have to name all the telly
shows britcom favourites like June Whitfield
starred in.
https://ohitsthatguy.xyz/
* PRETEND YOU'RE BONO DOING A U2 SHOW - An
animated display of gifs to project at your next
90s party. The write-up is useful for anyone
making things using GifCities, as it contains
solutions for common problems like the
unexpected amount of pixelly grot it throws up.
https://alexplescan.com/posts/2025/09/15/gifs/
* OH GOD MORE LOLS ABOUT FASCISMS - Enjoyed this
Michael Spicer skit which points out there's
absolutely no downside to everyone having their
noses in social media every day.
https://b3ta.com/links/Cheeky_little_Spicer_skit
* THEY'RE PROBABLY STEAM PUNK WANKERS, NO COME
BACK - Back in the dim past, Gay Bar was one of
those songs that screamed internet, and we were
happy to be reminded of it by this cover version
done in a banjo stylee. But what really makes it
is the indifferent audience. There's just
something always amazing about watching a
performer give it their all in front of
indifference. This is what it's like to make
art.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* SONG ABOUT BEING A BUSINESS MAN AND DEFINITELY
NOT A COP - Readers do still sometimes send us
links via the 'mail us' form, and you should do
more of that because as darrenkinder writes,
"This is great!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Happy Birthday Mario
Apparently we're celebrating Mario's 40th
birthday because no one cares about Manic Miner
any more, which is a shame really, as in a
better world we'd all be playing Willy Cart
World. Anyway, some good ones this week
included:
* Happy Toast pondering quite how the NHS works
in the Mushroom Kingdom
https://b3ta.com/board/11421416
* Plankton keeping his thoughts in 1970s grot
https://b3ta.com/board/11421371
* And 'Razzle' taking the art route
https://b3ta.com/board/11421392
* See all the other images from the 'Happy
Birthday Mario' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/happybirthdaymario/popul...
>> This week: MAGA TV <<
Disney and Paramount have recently caved in to
Trump's demands over what they should be
broadcasting. Show us how TV would be if it was
all made for (or starring) our beloved MAGA
gang.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/magatv/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to inspire you to make things
* COLUMBO POINT-AND-CLICK ADVENTURE - A game
where you're the murderer and, Groundhog Day
style, you keep repeating the day and the
murder, getting better at it, to try and find
the route to where Columbo doesn't catch you.
But you never can, and the only way to win is
eventually realising you should just be rich and
enjoy your nice life.
* HOW Nth BEATLE ARE YOU? - We can argue we are
the millionth Beatle in that Paul McCartney's
office (MPL) once got in touch with your editor
about working on a TV show he was planning to do
and they asked for my CV and then didn't get
back in touch. One millionth Beatle. Nailed on.
* THE SHAKIN' STEVENS SHAKIN' APP GAME - A
little Stevens that can sit inside your phone
and get out to shake every few hours to keep him
awake. If Stevens ever sleeps, humanity will
die. That's how this simulation works isn't it?
You know you want to message us with your stupid
project, because that's how the magic happens.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Paste paste paste - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "WHOLESOME" FESSHOLE
"Being a single parent is hard. Really hard. I
probably wouldn't even have kids if I knew how
hard it was going to be. That said - there is
nothing better in life than singing along with
your kid to a good song in the car. The greatest
moments. I never want it to end."
