marriage
it's a fucking register office not registry! You even hear this on tv, really pisses me off
(Kip, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 13:33, 11 replies)

Not sure if this applies in other careers but...
being in the army means there are LOTS of lists (whats in this box, on this shelf etc etc) and for some reason if there is more than one of any item it is listed as "2 off" "3 off" etc.
its 2 OF , 3 OF ffs...

and dont bet me started on the middle management i work with who are totally incapable of stringing together a simple paragraph indicating work they have done or want doing... drives me up the wall.

_/length
( Crack <--- Lurker..... came out of hiding on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 13:14, 3 replies)

Stood or Standing?
My Dad picked me up on this the other night.
Twice I said stood when he reckons I should have used standing. Apparently, and I've no actual knowledge of saying this, I said 'he was stood by the side of the road'.

Right or wrong?
Or can I just berate my father for nit-picking?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 13:10, 3 replies)

spiritual
"I'm not religious, I'm spiritual."

Fuck the fucking fuck off.
(cymrococh, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:36, 1 reply)

I don't like "cum".
I much prefer "come".
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:21, 14 replies)

"We seem to have resumed our technical difficulties and will now join the programme"
Resumed our technical difficulties? Eh? Would that be rectified, BBC?
( Poppy The Platypus was abducted by an army of toast soldiers on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Before this week finishes
1: Double negatives. Particularly "I never did nuffink..."
2. "You wasn't" as in "you wasn't there"...It's WEREN'T.
3. "I done that last week..." No, you DID that. 'Done' is not the right partiple here, now please die.

They're, their, there and you're, your etc... I try to resist the urge to get all grammar nazi on people but there's times when I just want to go on a murderous rampage with a rusty spoon.
(meowmix is a voodoo child, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:13, 3 replies)

this just arrived in an email
"Can you please encourage relevant staff in your teams to take part in this so that we are as up to speed as possible. We cannot afford to miss the boat on this initiative. "

*shudder*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:00, 6 replies)

Spiky plant thing
I can't say Cactus, no idea why...

I say "catcus". Again, no idea why.

The plus side to that, and on topic, was that it seemed to irritate my (now) ex wife no end :)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:47, Reply)

So,
where do we all stand on the erstwhile B3TA standard of 'cunt them in the fuck'?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:45, 9 replies)

We've had the misuse of my/your/ourself
but what about 'he', as in:

Caller: Is that SLVA?
Me: Yes, I am he.

What rule has that broken, if any? It just sounds weird.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:43, 9 replies)

Speaking of vitriol
My mum says 'vicktriol'.

She's intelligent, and I don't think it's on purpose. But good Christ.
(sporadically, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

The right thing to do...
This one seems to crop up all the time these days (especially from politicians of all people) and annoys the crap out of me much like 'friendly bacteria'.
The 'right thing to do' for most of these self obsessed idiots would be to inject methamphetamine into their ballbags and play russian roulette with a semi-automatic pistol.*

*Could also improve viewing figures for the parliament channel.
(milescopeland had an imaginary friend, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:32, 1 reply)

All the aspergers types threatening violent behaviour for mishandling the Queens English are making me LOL.
Like, literally.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:23, 5 replies)

"Colleague announcement"
this is what I hear in my local Sainsburys these days. What is wrong with calling them staff for fucks sake?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:08, 7 replies)

Co-Worker or even worse Coworker.
What's wrong with colleague? Even workmate is better.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:32, 3 replies)

Good times
Utter redundant nonsense. Saying 'good times' over an awkward silence, during a bout of alcohol intake or int he midst of any otherwise enjoyable convresation will not create good anything.

Following on, '[blank] times' seems to have become an epidemic. Apparently the times we live in can be variously good, bad, sick, lol (lol times? really?) and so on till we all die of shame.
(sporadically, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:29, 3 replies)

It's slightly off topic, but...
... on the radio this morning, there was someone talking about the latest Toyota recall.

He admitted that it was probably only precautionary, but added a complaint that it was therefore a bit like shutting the stable door before the horse had bolted.

Christ. It's bad enough that he reached for a hackneyed term like that - but to misuse it so egregiously?

Wanker.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:51, 6 replies)

cringe
It doesn't bother me when people adapt words or use colloquialisms because my understanding is that language is fluid anyway. Hyperbole makes me smile. But what really does annoy me is the use of irritating words and phrases which are supposed to sound a bit zany or cool and end up seeming to be used by pretty much everyone.

Obvious recent ones have been 'nom nom nom' and 'made of win', but 'meep', 'poop' and 'sarnie' are also up there.

Similarly - personal buzzwords that certain people say all the time to sound zany.

They just make me cringe.

Edit: I forgot NUMPTY
(babyaeroplanes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:51, 15 replies)

"... so you have two choices at this point..."
No.

I may have two options (or more, for that matter), but there's only one choice.

A decision concerning whether to kill you by fire, strangulation or knives is only one choice, since I can only kill you once - more's the pity - although there's at least three options.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:48, 1 reply)

I'd just like to confirm...
... whether you want a) or b).

Surely what you are doing is asking, or querying,.

If you intend to confirm something you must already know what you believe my desire to be and wish to make that belief more firm.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:47, Reply)

This is the sort of pedantry
up with which I will not put.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:39, 3 replies)

'either'
when followed by more than two options.

Yes, I'm looking at you, person below.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:31, 2 replies)

Me, myself and I
I sit opposite a girl who uses 'myself' instead of 'me' in every possible instance. It's 9.10 am and I've already heard:

'I believe it was myself you spoke to'
'If you could just pop an email over to myself'
'If you're going to the Special K bar machine can you get one for myself'

I know in some circumstances it's fine but it sounds so pompous. Also, you know when you just fixate on one thing - a mole on someone's chin, for example - and then that's all you can focus on? All I can hear in an office full of 30 people, piercing through the general phone and conversation noise, is 'myself'.

I'm either going to piss in her tea, put Tipp-Ex on her spider plant or stab her in the arsecheek with a biro.
(dancebiscuits, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:16, 10 replies)

If it's good enough for Susie Dent...
...it's good enough for me...

I asked her about 'could care less' (I am THAT sad). And, paraphrasing, she said English is a democratic language and one of her bug bears is people that stick rigidly to old rules and don't accept that. 'Could care less' has been used for a long time and probably comes from a form of sarcasm, (Imagine it being said by Wayne from Wayne's World - "I Could care less...NOT!"). It's properly acceptable and understandable in its meaning.

And you never argue with Susie...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:06, 10 replies)

Talking with Joe Scaramanga, I remembered another one
The TV channel "Dave".

Because you know that the twats who came up with calling it that dids so in the hope that lonely people, when asked what they did last night, would say "Oh I just stayed in with Dave."

Yes I know it's worked. So did the Final Solution to a certain extent.

/godwin
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 8:55, 5 replies)

cost
i hate it when someone says that an item ”costs dear” or ”costs expensive”.

The same rules apply in dutch and one wonderous day in secondary school i took the class gobshite down for this.

Her little red racist face didnt know where to look when a dirty foreign type had to educate her in the ways of her own language.
(OTT, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 8:33, 3 replies)

Busy lifestyle
The way advertisers hawk stuff for lazy people as "fitting in with your busy lifestyle". What the fuck is a busy lifestyle, anyway? As far as I can tell only pricks have them.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 7:12, 4 replies)

Football managers
Who, having pretty much fucked up the season, start saying things like 'These last five matches are the all important ones', or 'Our season starts now'.
There were 38 (or more) matches in the season - Surely they were ALL important? Or is this akin to the 'shitting myself as I've done no work all year' revision the night before an exam?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 6:09, 2 replies)

Paranoid? Much???
After a week of reading the various responses to this QOTW, I'm surprised anyone actually posts here.
Is anyone else reading this and wondering how annoying their own speech or writing is to others?
So many times I've read posts, thinking "oh, I would have said it that way", or "oops, that's something I say quite a bit".

I'd be concerned if I'm the only one whose (am I one of those 'fucktards' who can't distinguish 'who's' and 'whose' now?) had this thought, but hey, I have no internet reputation to uphold so I couldn't care less (yes. Couldn't)

Seriously, are the majority of you guys really apoplectic at this stuff or is this b3ta hyperbole and I'm really missing the point?
I can appreciate minor annoyance at obviously mis-spelled public signs and apostrophecatastrophe hell, and general pretentious wanker use of language, but on discussion boards, I'm less concerned about slip-ups with spelling (unless it is of the eleventyone persuasion). Many people haven't studied language structure and syntaxy things in great detail. It was barely covered at my school, despite me having a nerdy interest in English language.

I've followed most of the qotw so far, even the uncomfortable ones, but this one just leaves me a little . . . wired. Ooooh, angst
Whatever one writes is bound to annoy. Am wondering if lurker:poster ratio is affected by this qotw.

Suppose its just the mirror being held up

(ninja edit for stray comma)
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 5:39, 9 replies)