Jacko
You never saw Janet and Michael Jackson together, did you? All that plastic surgery was to make him look more like a woman - and that "wardrobe malfunction" was simply "her" pride in "her" new breasts.

Once the transition was complete, they had to fake the death of the male version, to allow "Janet" to carry on.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 14:04, 4 replies)

I read once
that there are companies based in the UK who will accept MONEY to manipulate information on corrupt regimes, on wikipedia etc; influence google results so that the truth about these regimes is distorted and hidden; and arrange introductions between dictators and our own Prime Minister!!

Oh I read that today. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/caught-on-camera-top-lobbyists-boasting-how-they-influence-the-pm-6272760.html
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 13:30, Reply)

I believe for everyone who goes astray,Someone will come to show the way.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 13:10, Reply)

The truth is out there
The X-Files, the cult 90's Sci-fi TV series created by Chris Carter was all about alien invasions and conspiracies and would Agents Mulder and Scully get it on. However you may not have realised that there was a hidden agenda behind the series.

But what no one asks is why he was called Fox. This isnt a common name and no one ever comments on it in the series. Some think that it is because the program is made by 20th Century FOX, but this misses the hidden message.

One of the driving points was Mulder's search for his missing sister
Mulder's missing sister is called Samantha, and if you put this with her brother you get the name of '80 Page 3 Stunna Samantha Fox. Chris Carter was in league with 20th Century Fox. (which is owned by Rupert Murdoch) to bring the Sun newspaper (also owned by Rupert Murdoch) along with Page 3 girls to the United States through subliminal mentions of its biggest star.

This may seem far fetched but if you read the X-Files encyclopeda if you look closely at an original script on page 18 you can see that in the first draft of the script, Agent Scully was originally called Agent Busty McTitts.

The truth is out there.
(lordofallhesurveys How appropriate you fight like a cow, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:50, 5 replies)

Despite what you've been told about Elvis
All the good die old and helpless.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:17, 3 replies)

No word of a lie.
Oestrogen from used tampons being flushed down the bog and getting into our drinking supply is the sole cause of moobs.

Plus it's turning all the fish into gays.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:03, 7 replies)

Terry Wogan is the secret ruler of earth

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:01, 4 replies)

It's all true
9/11 - inside job AND there were explosives in the buildings

The earthquake in Japan recently - that was caused by a test-firing of HAARP

Princess Dinana? Killed by the Royals (more about them later)

Lone gunman killing JFK? My arse he did!

Barak Obama is not only not an American, he's also a Muslim pretending to be Christian.

Elvis, Lord Lucan and Robert Maxwell all work in my local chippy.

Man on the moon? Do me a favour. Faked, all of it.

There are real alternatives to oil based fuels - "they" keep them under wraps though.

The Jews, the Royals, Hulk Hogan and the Masons are all conspiring with the 12-foot tall lizards to run the world. Finger in every pie, them NWO lot.

Digital TV is controlling our minds.

Chemtrails. CHEMTRAILS! That's how the government keeps us placid. There were problems with the delivery system in the summer and the withdrawal made the youth go wild.

Water flouridation is just population control.

Aliens have visitted us, but the NWO have kept it under wraps so they can "invent" new technology stolen from the Greys. How else do you explain microwaves, velco and Pot Noodles?

AIDS is man made to help get rid of the gays and the blacks.

The Boxing Day Tsunami was caused by China testing underwater nukes.

All FIFA draws are rigged. They freeze some balls and heat up others, so the person drawing can pick the right ones.

Big Pharma. Say no more.

But none of this maters, we all know the world will end next year anyway, dont we?
(ScousersPet, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:50, 9 replies)

Will Ferrell and Chad Smith
they are surely one and the same.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:20, 5 replies)

Turn off the TV - just for a while - and let us whisper to each other, instead,
and we'll hope the corporate ears do not listen, lest we find ourselves committing some kind of treason, and filed in tapes without rhyme, without reason, while they tell us that it's all for our own protection - I swear we never asked for any of this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, 5 replies)

Don't go pissing down my back and telling me it's raining.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, 11 replies)

This was in todays' paper, so it must be true..
Artist discovers more images hidden in the Mona Lisa..
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:59, 4 replies)

I believe in a thing called love

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:57, 3 replies)

I believe that somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:53, 2 replies)

Seriously - watch your back.
You might be a fat, warm, comfortable Westerner, enjoying a lifestyle even at the very lowest point of the scale envied by millions of people who are actually starving, facing civil war and/or massive violations and abuse, and though you're provided for at every turn - whether it's the emergency services, access to unemployment benefit payments, or simply the National Health Service for medical care - it doesn't mean that there's something really underhand going on, about which we know very little, but is definitely VERY sinister, and will probably violate your rights.

You really should sue someone.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:17, 1 reply)

I believe
That for every drop of rain a flower grows.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:00, 5 replies)

Actually true
If you play the phrase "Jesus loves you" backward, it sounds like "We smell sausage".
(mudskipper, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 4:27, 1 reply)

Princess Di
was killed by Interflora and Hallmark. FACT.
(lurkylurklurk swings more, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 4:22, 1 reply)

The Charlie Sheen "breakdown"
Chuck Lorre (the creator/producer of Two And A Half Men) and Charlie Sheen (the madman) were at one stage great mates.
Lorre is a big fan of teh practical joke. Sheen too.
So... they stage a huge bust-up, let a massive breakdown playout in a very similar vein to Joaquin Phoenix and then at the right time, bring him back into the fold with a huge "Gotcha!"
The key to this conspiracy? Ashton Kutcher, creator of Punk'd, is Charlie's "replacement".
You know it makes sense.
( difficultchild, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 0:53, 2 replies)

SARS/Bird Flu

Globe-trotting travellers will remember this. A few years ago, I was passing through Hong-Kong airport. It was a stopping-off point on the way to Oz. A two hour break while they refuelled the plane and swapped pilots.

As you exited the gate and headed for the transit lounge you had to go through a series of body-scanners that were manned by scary looking Asians wearing surgical facemasks. The thing was, these scanners weren't metal detectors - they were heat detectors designed to pick up anyone who was running a temperature. Sure enough, they pulled two pretty blondes from the line and they were whisked away into isolation.

We were told this was protective quarantine to help stop the spread of SARS. I wasn't fooled for a minute. It was obviously just a plot to pick-up hot women.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 23:44, 6 replies)

WWI was not started by the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand
Rob Newman's beautifully told, and convincing, argument. Well worth 45minutes of anyone's time.
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0106vfc/Saturday_StandUp_Robert_Newman_Apocalypso_Now/
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:21, 2 replies)

Concerning tinfoil hats
from an engineer's point of view
berkeley.intel-research.net/arahimi/helmet/
(threeverse ultima ratio regum, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:24, 3 replies)

A persistent one...
"Glasgow City Council have a super-secret covert spy CCTV vehicle that they use to track people going to football matches and things!"

Well, yeah, they *do* do that, except a bloody great Sprinter van with a 30' pneumatic mast with a camera on top, high-vis vinyl graphics on the sides and "GCSS CONTROL POINT" and "CCTV VEHICLE" in foot high letters on the front and back isn't what I'd call massively covert or secret.
(gordonjcp, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:39, 11 replies)

If you turn a crumpled pack of marlboro upside down and squint then it looks like it says "horrible jew"
assuming you're dyslexic and a complete cock. Or an American.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:53, 7 replies)

I created a conspiracy theory...
Back in college, I and a mate decided that the time was ripe after NASA had launched their latest mars rover to troll the tinfoil hat brigade and see how far a planted story would go. We put out a story on a few crank forums that the rover was in fact a covert air defence system armed with Stinger anti-air missiles and would be used to shoot down any probes that the Americans thought would be against their national interest. Never mind that there's a hell of a lot of Mars to cover with one missile battery and the Chinese only got round to demonstrating a weapon that could blow up satellites a few years ago.

Anyway, long story short it got quite popular, and we had one guy so furious he called NASA up and sent us a recording of the call with a bewildered secretary. I've kept meaning to do it again for a few years, and see how far another outrageous load of crap can spread. Or even to compete outlandish theories against each other for popularity or wide dispersal, a sort of "Kittenwar for Cranks".
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:50, 2 replies)

Americans don't get irony
of course they do you smug wanker
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:46, 1 reply)

Marc Almond...
Well...? Is it true?
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:24, 12 replies)

The best one I ever heard
Was that if you eat any sort of ring doughnut your poo will be exactly the same girth as the width of the hole in the middle. The only way to break the spell is to eat a broken Polo.
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:02, 12 replies)

The Church of England...
...is a front for "Big Tea and Quiche".

It's a manipulative global economic block, headed by the Queen, the Archbishop of Canturbury, and those monkeys off the PG Tips ads.

WAKE UP SHEEPLE - SWITCH TO COFFEE AND HOBNOBS.
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 17:00, 1 reply)

Police conditioning
Many moons ago when I still smoked weed. I was visiting my dealers house. He had the TV on and there was inspecer morse or maybe Frost on. He waggled a skunky finger at the TV.

"have you noticed that there are more and more cop shows on TV recently"

"err no" I replied

"it's the government doing it. They have comisioned loads of these programs so that they are always on, that way we get conditioned into accepting the police"

"but I have accepted the police, apart from the occasional drug use I don't, and don't want to break the law. I like having them about to stop toerags from robbing/mugging/raping etc"

He looked at me with sad knowing eyes "you see man, it's working"

Fucking dozy hippy ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)