The Chop
How could I forget this one?

A few years back I went out on the lash and got absolutely slaughtered etc etc… Fast forward to the morning after when I have the inevitable hangover from hell and I have to cut the grass. No problem thinks I, 20 mins and it will be done and I can get back to bed. So out with the Flymo and on with the job.

Now I should probably set the scene here. I’m wearing Lonsdale trainers with no grip and the grass is pretty damp and the garden is on a hill. As I’m finishing off the edges there’s a particularly large clump of grass at the bottom edge of the garden. I then had the bright idea of lifting (yes, lifting) the Flymo onto the clump in order to be done with it and get back to bed. As I lifted the Flymo back towards me BANG! … I’m suddenly without warning sat on my arse and I’ve dragged the Flymo on top of me over both feet and the mower shoots my left foot out to the side.

OK Panic time… I look around me to see if anybody saw… no sign… I look at my foot… big gashes down the side of my foot and my big toe. So what did I do next? I thought… hmmm looks a bit nasty does that… So I tidied up the lawnmower and extension lead leaving a big trail of blood everywhere with every intention of DRIVING myself to A&E. I’m obviously in a state of shock but don’t quite realise it yet.

Anyhoo… blood loss and what not starts to get the better of me and I start to shake and panic a bit so instead of phoning 999 for the ambulance I phone my ex GF to find out where A&E is because they moved it from one hospital to another here in Sheffield (UK) and I couldn’t remember which one. I still for some reason didn’t think to call 999 and I didn’t dare look at my foot. Instead I had wrapped a tea towel round it to stop the blood flowing as much.

In the end the ex GF rushed me there herself and I had to have the end of my big toe from the knuckle onwards amputated as the mower had shattered the bone into trillions of little pieces and there was no way it would ever heal. I also suffered deep lacerations on the side of my foot.

On top of that I couldn’t walk properly without crutches for 6 months and I had lots of pain and suffering for about 2 years. Everybody took the piss something rotten like it was funny to lose an appendage, its not! … It hurts like hell! ... It’s OK now though, you can call me stumpy.

Length? It’s about half the size of the big toe on my right foot.
(SillyMoo, Sat 29 Dec 2007, 12:16, 3 replies)

What is it
About people in Sheffield? Do we all suffer from some kind of chronic lack of intelligence? Incidentally the A+E as far as I know there is a walk-in clinic at the Hallamshire and an A+E at the Northern General.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 29 Dec 2007, 12:25, closed)

Yeah...
Ended up at the Northern General but for some reason I thought it was at the Hallamshire... Panic and confusion led the way... I should have just phoned 999, I bet those ambulance drivers know where to go.
(SillyMoo, Sat 29 Dec 2007, 12:29, closed)

Pics of your stump pls
kthx
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sat 29 Dec 2007, 14:21, closed)