Necroposers beware...
When I'm bored I put on corpsepaint and take pictures. Yes you read that right, the guilty part is I do it in my room. No grim forests and frostbitten mountains for me. Then I Photoshop them so I don't just look like a berk in makeup...
(Badgers wear Corpsepaint it's true, I've seen them..., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 23:47, Reply)

Iggle Piggle
Take the little sail down and light the little light....then sleeeeeeeeep.....zzzzzzzz
(SE 27139 What the fuck is THAT?, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 23:42, 2 replies)

I kill people
Then drill holes into them and fuck the holes.

It makes me smile
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 23:16, 2 replies)

im currently taking guilty pleasure in the school slag...
no...not quite like that you dirty minded little B3tans. Let me explain:

Firstly; apologies for length etc.

OK...so..you know the type of girl in school who walks around like she owns the place, tries desperately to flirt with the teachers to try and get better grades and is generally a complete whore and is a big bitch to almost everyone else, including her own 'friends'. Thats the girl in question. For the sake of this story her name is CL.

Now... CL likes to party like many other people in my year (including myself) and at one particular party she got really drunk and slept with one of her friends boyfriends. Then proceeded to blackmail him until he finally fessed up to his girlfriend yesterday.

Why is this a guilty pleasure for me? Did I sneak a peak through a window and see her tits? Nope. My guilty pleasure is what has happened to this young lass since the boyfriend fessed up.

It turns out that CL had...Chlamydia. Which means so does the boyfriend and his girl friend. CL has been disowned by all of her friends, they have told her she can't come on holiday with them anymore, she has been kicked off of the house team, dropped from Eisteddfod dance (which i think meant the world to her). Without these things she really is nothing.

I have laughed (hell...not even guility) at what has happened and, like many people in my year, am glad to finally see thsat bitch put in her place.


Length? I reckon that she could fit at least 12" in there.
(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 23:01, 6 replies)

embarrassing my new boss
this is really really mean. my new boss is a fantastic bloke and a truly outstanding lawyer. but he's also very small, shy and not so confident with the ladies when it comes to anything outside the law.

sometimes i like to see how many words with naughty double meanings i can slip into his briefs (yes, like that. i didn't say they were clever or good) just to see him go red. or if he inadvertently looks at my cleavage - and i'm sorry guys, but you all look at girls' cleavages, whether or not you admit/realise it, it's an exact science as consistent as gravity - i will just pause until he realises what he's doing and clearly dies inside.

it makes me feel a bit better that i don't know a tenth of the law that is locked up inside that bald blushing little head and probably never will!

edit: oh, and perving over russell brand. he's dirty and he's wrong but - swoon.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 22:57, 5 replies)

singing rubbish pop songs at the top of my lungs on the motorway
works better now I'm in a car not on a motorbike - used to get some funny looks in summer.

Current favourite is old Girls Aloud - should have known, should have cared, should have hung around the kitchen in my underwear, looking like a lady etc.

They wonder why I arrive at work slightly hoarse
(sticks Errol flynn in female form, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 22:40, 2 replies)

Home and Away
I'm an Australian person living in Ireland, I watch Home and Away at every opportunity, it's my little link to home.

When no ones around i sing the theme song as loud as I can, in the style of Frenzal Rhomb.

I miss Australia...
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 22:33, 2 replies)

Telling Lies
I work in the local history library, and once with ten minutes left until my lunch, I told a client that their grandparent was the result of a union between a pirate and a prostitute and they believed me. I never corrected them. I feel guilty, but should I, he was cutting into my lunch hour.
( SolidGoldChimp, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:56, 1 reply)

Two words
Pirate metal.
This fantastic sub genre manifests it's self as Alestorm with such classics as "wenches and mead" and "captain morgans revenge". Two weeks ago I had one of the most surreal expriences: walking through northampton going to a viking metal gig where these crazy scottish pirates were supporting; dressed as a pirate with another pirate and five vikings, singing Nancy the tavern wench at the top of my voice.

I don't feel guilty about this but I sort of feel that I should.
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:51, 3 replies)

Guilt of the highest order
Torchwood - I know its not as good as Dr. Who, but I’m Welsh and you have to support your motherland

(Dr. Who is not a guilty pleasure as its fantastic and i wont hear a bad word against it)

Arthur - I love it, always watch it if it's on TV and sometimes I watch it on the iPlayer if I cant find anything better

WOW- I’m 23 and I contemplate taking days off work to play it.

Kinder eggs - Ryfelwyr and I love these, we buy at least one each when we go shopping, or go to the corner shop, or pass any shop where we can see that they sell them. It’s a borderline addiction.

Avril lavigne - I know she’s awful. Married a man called Deryck Whibley ffs. But there’s something about her

If my iPod is out of battery, I still put the earphones on so I can walk past people as they talk to me or eavesdrop when I’m on the train.

I love to annoy one of my friends when we go out, he knows a bit of science so I purposely get things wrong and fight my corner to annoy him to the point where he threatens violence. ( the last time was saying that terminal velocity was the same whether your horizontal or vertical. 20 minutes of arguing and he was screaming at me.)

Transformers - I loved them as a child and since the movie has come out and they brought out the new toys I buy them when I see them.

Diagnosis murder, Quincy, Murder she wrote, Columbo and Monk pretty much any sort of crime/murder mystery thing. I’ve seen them all now but love to watch them again.

And lastly.

This is the worst.

And I’m ashamed by it.

The Daily Mail.

I like the cartoons and the question page.
I know that its bilge; crap of the highest order. But I cant help but buy it every now and again to see how Europe is going to take us over, how immigrants are stealing all the jobs from the British unemployed who are desperately seeking work and are in no way sponging off the state. Then on the next page saying how the unemployed scum are breaking into you granny’s house and stealing her pension.

It makes me laugh on almost every page.

You wouldn’t believe the guilt.

If the pope had an orgy he wouldn’t feel as guilty as I do about reading that paper.

(let the flaming begin, be gentle though please)

Length etc…..
(Jack the sparrow dodger, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:50, 7 replies)

weeing in sinks
i must admit i do enjoy a quick slash in the kitchen sink if i cant be arsed to go 2 the toilet , i try to avoid weeing over the cups to much
(yousatonmybiscuits liberty city has the worst cab drivers, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:48, 4 replies)

Party Poppers
I've been to a party. I've probably had a few drinks, then a few chasers, then a few more drinks just to cleanse the palate - in actual fact I'm probably more pissed than Grandad's pants. The function is either a wedding or a birthday of some relative I have very little to do with. I may, at some point during the night, have performed the 'canoeing' action to Jive Bunny. The finger buffet consists of soggy vol-au-vents and open cheese sarnies. Chocolate fingers if I'm lucky.

The best bit is that there are Party Poppers on every table. EVERY TABLE. At some point during the proceedings, these beautiful little devices will explode into action, ejaculating their papery, ribbony poppermess skywards to rest upon the doddering head of some elderly person.

And nothing, no matter what sad, shambling state of inebriation I have managed to gulp myself into, can stop me from sticking my nose into the empty, spent casings when no-one's looking and sniffing that glorious burnt whiff.

Also, showing someone that you don't like that you can fire a Party Popper into your own mouth (it doesn't hurt one bit). Then, when they gasp with shock at your sheer ninja awesomeness, spitting the whole thing into their fat, stupid face in a gut-churning ball of saliva, chewed vol-au-vent and brightly-coloured crepe paper.

I love you Party Poppers.
(Chocolate Hostage, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:46, 3 replies)

Medicated and fine...
When I'm unwell, instead of reaching for the paracetamol I prefer kids 6-12 Calpol at adult dosage. The taste is pure nostalgia. And yes, I am a good decade over 12...
(Janitor Sinister, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:45, 2 replies)

Patience is a virtue.
I used to be a part-time post office clerk. Mondays were best.

See, Monday was Giro day. Giro day on a council estate... well you can only imagine the queue. You'd be able to see it from space.

We used to have to split up fights about the position in the queue. It seemed the impatient bastards thought we'd run out of money.

Anyway, the guilty pleasure. We've all heard of Classical Conditioning and Pavlov's Dog. Well, I was the proud owner of my own experiment.

See, the sight of me in the shop window walking towards the door to open the shop had some kind of focusing effect on the chav nation - suddenly the line would straighten, the chit-chat would stop, ready for the scramble for dosh.

I loved it - I'd start walking round near the shop window at about 8.55 to see what the response was. It was amazing. The chav eyes practically following me round the shop - is he coming to open the door... no! He's stocking up the lottery slips! Are we going to get in now... no! He's straightening out the envelope stall!

I was a bastard, but fuck it, if they weren't so impatient and desperate, I'd not have bothered. The simple pleasures in life are the best.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:36, 1 reply)

Rabbits! Conversation! Dickhead!
Um, well, I speak to my rabbit as though he's a person, and have lengthy chats with him. I also enjoy chasing him round the living room.

See... it's not all drugs, drink and debauchery. I'm secretly quite domestic. Anyway, I have to wash up so must be off.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:32, 3 replies)

guilty pleasures
Hi all Ferris bueller's day off. cheesy 80's naff stuff but anything directed by John Hughes just makes the years drop away :)
(swampi thought of this, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:32, 1 reply)

I listen to the noises that trees make
no really.
Put your ear upside a tree and harken to the creaky sound wonderscape.
( Woolworth Smells of festive spices, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:22, Reply)

Nurse, ten blade please...
I work in a lab. I have a white coat, I wear latex gloves and I do fairly fiddly stuff that involves forceps, scalpels and attaching very thin bits of tubing to other bits of tubing.

I'm also a bit boss eyed, and so I tend to work under a high powered magnifying mirror with a light attached so I can see what I'm doing.

I like to pretend that I'm actually doing brain surgery and when I'm on my own, have been known to talk to an imaginary scrub nurse as if I were really excising a tumor...

Ironically, I spend a good proprortion of my working week in the neurosurgery department with real brain people. Whenever I go over, I try to take a white styroform box with warning labels stuck to it and walk through the most populous areas of the hospital lobby, looking frantic, in the hope that people will think I'm part of some transplant team.

I cannot describe how much pleasure I get from this. Or what a sad, sad bitch this makes me. Though the latter is probably self evident...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:22, 5 replies)

Unscrewing
The head of those horrible so called "office chairs" we have in college.

Watching them fall back off there chair, is my "guilty pleasure"
(Looneytwuns, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:18, Reply)

SBD
- Dropping an SBD while in coversation with a friend or workmate. The change of expression from jovial to outrage as they cop a whiff of my potent bum smell cracks me up big time.

- A sly one off the wrist whenever I get chance at least once a day. Not always possible though.

- picking my nose and flicking at peoples faces. Cackling with glee when it hits someone on the face.


I'm rather disgusting now I've thought about it :(
(Mr G to you , Fathead, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:12, 1 reply)

Tits
I love tits. Love 'em. In any context you want. I. Love. Tits.







And fannies.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:10, 1 reply)

Those shite tv quiz things they put on in the ungodly hours of the night.
I love watching the quiz shows they put on late evening/early morning to swindle as much cash out of drunken idiots who are only just sober enough to dial a phone, but too drunk to get the prize winning question right.

I love the feeling of superiority you get from watching person after person call in with the same incorrect answer as i lay in a pool of my own self hatred and broken dreams. It makes me feel just a little better. :D
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 21:09, Reply)

Parping
First thing in the morning letting rip with a small botty burp - which makes the dog get off the bed with a disgusted look on her face - followed 10 seconds later with a huge arse ripper.

Every morning.

Without fail.

(second one gets the wifey out of the bed too leaving me my other guilty pleasure of spreading all over the bed scratching my nads.)

Edit: Ah crap 'when no-ones around'. I must learn to read questions in full
(Tyrion, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:56, Reply)

Guilty and happy
There is nothing to cheer you up after a hard day at school, and laughing at the failures of the year group.

I know, I know...

But we all do it!

Dont you?

...

Do not judge me!
(Procrastinate now! It's not opposite day!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:54, Reply)

pissing
sitting down to piss(im a bloke).
(apo-dap, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:47, 7 replies)

The WKD robot
Before my guilty pleasure I'd like to make it clear that I hate the WKD ads. The guy that came up with them should have his bollocks removed, the seminiferous tubules extracted, leathered, and coiled into a strong thin rope, then the cockswaggering git should be garotted with it.

But I was putting up some shelves in the kitchen and did the robot thing with my cordless drill while making a cuppa. Much LOLing I also tried to make my laugh more robot like which was a fools errand.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:40, Reply)

I talk to myself in various accents...
scottish, eastern european, french, cockney, russian... anything.

And i make myself laugh.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:35, 1 reply)

ABBA
It must be written in capitals (it's their initials, you know.)

In 1976 I spent my pocket money on 'ABBA's Greatest Hits.' My Mum commented that I'd probably go off them in about 6 months. In 2006 I pointed out that she was a bit wrong (anyway, in 1979 she came with me to see them live at Wembley Arena.)

I love 'em. Know everything about them, listen to them every day. I've got loads of books, old magazines, badges, sew-on-patches, stuff on vinyl, the original crappy CDs, the remasters, the re-remasters. I made my friends call our pub quiz team 'The redhead was sexier than the blonde' one quiz night years ago.

My friends used to laugh about the fact that during my doc-martins, leather jacket, shaved-head stage (with my nose ring and eyebrow piercing) I looked quite intimidating, but as I stomped, glowering, down the street I was probably listening to 'Mamma Mia' or 'SOS.'

My favourite member is Anni-Frid.
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:32, 3 replies)

CBeebies
I watch children's kids shows when I'm on my own. When I'm stressing out over coursework deadlines or whatever, I like to sit down and learn really easy stuff, to make me feel clever. And when you get it right, the presenter always knows and congratulates you in a really warming tone.

Gives you a sense of achievement that just can't be replicated by any A grade in Year 13 Chemistry. Next week is squares :D
(MunchMyBalloons, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:27, 3 replies)