The American public
allowed George W Bush to get re-elected.

That will remain a mystery to me for the rest of my life.
( BobbyParadise, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 15:03, Reply)

The Riot Act
I always thought it was a real "act" law thingey that people somehow knew off by heart and were ready to quote at rowdy folk when called upon. Quite disappointing when i discovered the truth aged 22.
(Picalillie, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 15:01, Reply)

The Frank Zappa child naming process
Moon Unit!
Please tell me he was off his tits when he did that one, fucking classic!
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 15:00, Reply)

I'm gonna get some flak for this but...
I don't understand the appeal of Bob Dylan. He's a miserable old bastard.

Of course, people probably think the same about me, even though I'm only 19. I am not miserable, just cynical.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:55, Reply)

The Beckham child naming process
How to guarantee a lifetime of media limelight and wedgies from the bigger boys
Didn't think it through did they!
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:54, Reply)

Maybe I'm just getting old,
but I've seen far too many men with jeans that aren't that baggy, but for some reason they have pulled them down and fastened the belt under their arse!

Why? Do you need to take a dump in a hurry? Are you in the mood for a bit on anal on the go? FFS why?
(richey, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:52, Reply)

tech support
i work for tech support for a networking company (ne****r) and it always confuzed me when people call up asking how to set up thier router without reading the perfeclt simple manual included. they seem to prefer waiting for an hour on hold to speak to me when all i want to do is shout down the phone "read the bloody manul u fukcing idiot!"

i need a new job
(kramit http://lpjam.blogspot.com/ woo yay, blog spam, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:50, Reply)

Women
'nuff said
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:50, Reply)

Jim Carey
I don't understand how people still want Jim carey in their movies. Everytime I see him, I just want to throttle him. Got well excited when I thought he was gonna die in Cable Guy, watched it for the worst half an hour of my life, only to find out he survives. DAMN IT
(purplefairy, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:48, Reply)

This may be controversial, and I mean no offence,
but I honestly do not understand why millions of intelligent people throughout the world don't question the religious beliefs that were drummed into them as children.
Is it really too much to just accept (or even consider) the provable theory of evolution over the frankly fantastical creation nonsense?
Is life really not worth living and enjoying for what it is without the concept of an "afterlife" to reward you for your good actions or punish you for your bad ones?
Is it totally beyond some religious zealots to realise that without the social partitions different belief systems have installed societies and communities would be more tolerant of others and many wars and conflicts would never have started?

I mean, I'm all for the positive aspects of religion but in the year 2005 with all the progress we've made would it be so far-fetched to expect people to think for themselves?
( BobbyParadise, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Neons
I just don't get the chavvy-twat need to have lights UNDER your car! The only purpose I can see for these is so that the poor, unsuspecting person you have run over while doing 50 in a 30 zone gets the luxury of seeing the underside of your car!
(Wibbly Pig, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:45, Reply)

lardy rolls of fat
I don't understand the attraction of rolls of fat above the hipster jeans of some girls. I am not commenting on the hipster jeans themselves, for this would be an opinion on the state of fashion and would make me appear to be over 60 years old, which I am not. No, it's the way that overweight girls (and for this, girls need only be overweight by a few pounds) wear hipster jeans, teamed with too-short tops, that show off rolls of fat, stretch marks and inadvisedly small pants.
I'm not saying they should lose weight, for who am I to talk? But for the sake of those who carefully conceal flab beneath appropriate clothing, I wish they wouldn't labour under the misapprehension that they are as slim as they would like to be.
( thealternativefact, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:41, Reply)

Um....
The royal family, bunch of fucking parasites.

Jade Goody? How the fuck did that fat ugly witless pig-faced bint manage to earn a million quid? There is no justice in the world.

Geri Halliwell? Publicity hungry ginger fuckwit. Why are they still photoing her taking her dog for a shit? Who gives a fuck?

Richard Bacon? Who keeps employing the punchable smug-faced cunt? Why? Hes ruining XFM now. Cunt.

Any show that has the word 'celebrity' in it? I switch the tv on and the first thing i ask is 'who the fuck is that?' 'and who the fuck is she?' etc etc. Should trade mark the term celebrity and get these cunts off tv.

Littering in the streets? Every time i see some one throw rubbish in the streets i want to shout 'pick that up you lazy cunt'. But i never do. Unless they're smaller than me.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:41, Reply)

Jokes
Two Nun's in a bath.
"Where's the soap"
"Yes it does, doesn't it"

Had to laugh and join in every time I heard these for about 5 years until I got it.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:32, Reply)

Mostly its women...
I detest shopping. Women see it as therapy. I know what I want, so I go into the shop, maybe try it on to see if it fits, then buy it and go home, or repeat the process elsewhere. I just cannot be bothered with traipsing around shops looking at similar outfits, and *shock horror* of being asked for my opinion. I don't care, that shirt looks like the last one, can we go now please?

Also, what's the appeal of shoes? I have 2 pairs of trainers, Cat boots, Steel Toes for working with my Dad on site occasionally, and some walking boots. I do not, therefore, own 20 pairs. My Mum and sister are forever buying shoes. I'm baffled.

Youth of today who see nothing better of an evening than getting wankered and being the cause of civil disobedience.

Daily Mail-reading morons. Stories are never impartial, and are always blinkered. Also, I'm convinced that the headline-writers don't read the story, they just make it up as they go along.

/gets pipe and slippers
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:32, Reply)

A burning issue
I don't get why "inflammable" means the same as "flammable".
( BobbyParadise, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:30, Reply)

Little Britain
This isn't a smug "I'm right and I think anyone who likes [x] is an idiot" comment like 90% of those below. I know I'm missing something, as I know plenty of people who turned their nose up at programmes like The League of Gentlemen and The Fast Show who seem to genuinely find it hilarious.

Actually, I think I feel the same way about The Office and The Royle Family - they're very well-observed, or whatever, just incredibly depressing.
(user_requested_deletion, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:29, Reply)

Cherry Coke & an A to Z
"Also - people who put dots on capital I's and apostrophes in the wrong place. There's just no need and I wish to destroy them."


Erm, there's no need for an apostrophe in I's, it's a plural you hypocrite! Go destroy yourself!
( notshiny, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:29, Reply)

I don't understand a lot of the Polish staff at work.
I find myself laughing and smiling at whatever they say and recieving odd looks as if perhaps what they said wasn't meant to be funny.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:28, Reply)

I could/couldn't care less
I always said 'I couldn't care less if he dies tomorrow' for example, but lately all I hear/read is 'I could care less'.

Which one is correct? I really don't understand!

Surely if you could care less, then you care quite a lot about it, and isn't that the opposite of what you're trying to imply?
( notshiny, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:27, Reply)

the concept
of irony
still confuses me immensely
(jms, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:26, Reply)

Being sent to Custody
Before I understood the true nature of the word 'custody' (not that long ago) I used to imagine people being sent to a world full of custard - I still have the vivid picture in my head of rolling hills, clouds, even sheep made out of custard. What a wonderful place that would be.

Also - people who put dots on capital I's and apostrophes in the wrong place. There's just no need and I wish to destroy them.
( DandyLion, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:25, Reply)

I can't understand people who are rude or mean to serving staff.
I don't think I've ever spoken to somebody who works in this industry (from McDonalds to Silver-spoon) who has never, at some point... "tainted" the food in some way.

Who knows what bodily fluids or animal by-products we have all unwittingly eaten whilst dining out - without giving them a reason to target you!

Fools!


Oh, that and the popularity of soap operas. Isn't your own life shit enough without having to watch fictional pap happening to people who don't even exist? Hmmmm?
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:20, Reply)

5 years...
It took me years to get this joke (In my defence, I was about 4 when I heard it)

Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like a banana.*



(* flies (bzz) like bananas)
(Lurker Charlie, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:19, Reply)

Young, Naive and a bit stupid...
Was out for a collegues (female) leaving drink with some other ladies. The conversation got onto Bikini waxing. Unsure sat back said nothing and thought 'surely they don't have hairy breasts'.
( BindiBaji, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:16, Reply)

Tell you what I don't understand...
"If you're a builder or a plumber, I've got two words for you: Screw Fix Direct."
( TooMuch2AM, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:14, Reply)

Seabrooks Crisps
I always thought that the top of the bag of Seabrooks crisps said "Please Strong. Avoid Light"

I was 23 when I realised my mistake. Ooops.
(Ally_Baby, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:10, Reply)

Stupid kids joke
When I was a kid, about 7 or so I guess, I read the following joke in a stupid kid's joke book.

"What's the difference between a duck?
One leg is both the same."

Not only did I not get it, but that joke has been stuck in my head ever since that age, because if it's sheer stupidity. And I can usually never remember jokes. I can't believe that something I read when I was seven has managed to niggle at me for the past 20 years.
( giblethead2000, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:09, Reply)