Sorry for length
Tanya sat on her bed hugging her knees and crying to herself. Her stepfather Croft had been in one of his drunken rages again, and as usual, she had been the target.
A frail little girl, all she wanted to do was be left alone to play with her dolls, but as an easy target, she had been left covered with cuts and bruises by the alcoholic bully's outbursts.
A tap on the door roused her from her despair.
"He's passed out," her mother whispered. "let's go."
They knew they would have to come home eventually, but they made the most of their respites. Her mother's guilt at what was happening meant she would treat her little princess every chance she got to make up for the violence.
"I'm sorry my baby," she would tell her, "but the house is his, the car is his, everything is his. Maybe one day we'll have enough money to leave. But for now, be strong, and remember Mummy loves you very much."
On this particular occasion they had gone to the fairground. Tanya could almost forget while she went on the rides, played the games, and felt like a real girl again amongst the noise and bright lights.
They stopped at a goldfish stall to play the hoop game. With a shriek of joy, Tanya got the last hoop on the cylinder and got to pick a fish.
All the fish looked identical, apart from a sickly looking green one at the back huddled in the corner of it's bowl. Not quite a fish, it seemed to have tentacles, was covered in patches of hair and had one bulbous eye looking around as if scared.
Tanya tugged at her mother's sleeve. "Mummy I want that one." It was so scared it reminded her how she felt earlier that evening and she wanted to take care of it.
Later that evening she had it in its own larger tank in her bedroom. After a bit of food it seemed to perk up and start swimming around dragging its malformed tentacles behind it.
"Thank you" it gurgled from its hairy maw. Tanya was aghast.
"You can talk?" she asked amazed.
"Not only that" said the creature. "I can grant wishes. Hold me in your hands, make a wish and I will make the bad things go away."
Tanya didn't need to be asked twice. She carefully scooped it up, closed her eyes and said "I wish Croft was gone. I wish Croft was gone."
There was an ear piercing scream from downstairs as an invisible force grabbed her stepfather, pulled him out of the window and dragged him higher and higher. Both Tanya and her mother ran into the garden to see Croft disappear into the atmosphere.
"Oh my god!" said her mother. "What happened."
Tanya smiled sweetly and said. "Don't you know? Hands that make wishes can send Croft in to space.... With mild-green hairy lip squid."
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 18:13, 2 replies)

I know this as...
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
(Musuko, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 19:07, closed)

Yep, that's the one
couldn't remember the original joke, just the punchline, so I had to reverse-engineer it.
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 21:18, closed)