OK, so this is a pearoast...
...but it's the only relevant one I can think of right now.

I guess it wasn't so much the fact that I involved my penis in this, but the fact that it happened at all - the penis bit just exacerbates it I think.

I went off to boarding school at the age of 11, and at the end of our first term we had a house Christmas party. This involved each section of the house putting on a 15 minute "entertainment" for the benefit of everyone else.

Somehow the young, gullible Mr Dillow was persuaded to do one sketch by myself, based on an article in the Monty Python Papperbok.

And so I went onto the makeshift stage, with my 11-year-old self dressed only in a blazer, wellington boots, and a pair of Y-fronts. With my right hand on the inside of said Y-fronts, visibly moving about. And I began a 2-minute monologue:

"Masturbation - the difficult one. Some people find it difficult to talk about. Others find it difficult to do..."

I can't remember the whole of the speech (no doubt my memory is trying to protect me from something), but I do remember that it ended with me giving a helpline number for anyone experiencing difficulties in the wanking department.

Of course, this was all played out not just in front of about fifty 11-15 year old boys, all of whom were howling with laughter, but the housemaster and other house staff, including Matron. And the school chaplain. And the headmaster's wife.

Over twenty years on I still can't think of it without physically cringing.
(Armour Dillow, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 23:46, 1 reply)

Copyright
The Monty Python Papperbok
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 23:31, closed)