Laugh out load moments
Tell us more about some things that have caused you to burst into fits of un-controllable laughter.

For example – I one saw a chicken pecking a donkey’s arsehole in Bali.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:43, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The Last Straw
Did you take the last straw from the straw holder at McDonald's? Bet you fucking did and all.
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

When was the last time you saw your feet, you fat fuck?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Kill the goose that lays the golden egg
Did you kill the goose that lays the golden egg? Probably shouldn't have done that, plenty of other geese around you could've killed.
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

If you ruled the world, what would you do -
For example I would make all your deaths quick and painless....Because I'm nice like that.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Jam on your face
Do you have jam on your face? How long has it been there?
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 9:53, Reply)

Misunderstandings
Tell us about humorous or embarassing misunderstandings that you've witnessed or perhaps made yourself.

Such as the contestant on a game show, who was asked "Where's the strangest place that you and your husband have made love?" and answered "Up the arse".
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

The strangest thing I ever saw
Truth is stranger than fiction. Tell us about things you've experienced which you'd never have believed if you hadn't been there.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle
Has your sister been impregnated by a simian? Perhaps she's merely had a monkey zygote transferred to her womb for research purposes.
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 4:19, Reply)

If you had any creative ability what would you make?
If you had any creative ability what would you like to make? What skills would it take to make that? What would it take to start aquiring those skills? Why don't you spend the time you normally spend on here riding the coat-tails of the talented on /board, and sniping and snarking on /qotw and /talk and use that time to learn how to do something original. Then next week there might actually be more interesting stuff to look at, and everyone would feel better for not having been subjected to a week of puerile put downs and nay-saying.

Or why not make up some new preposterous story or exaggerate a true story to preposterous extremes so that other dullards can rip it to shreds yet again. God I want to cry. Why am I even bothering? No-one ever listens. Nurse! Nurse?! Fucking meds in my cocoa again. The bastards... Must... mention... Honda... Accord....
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 4:13, Reply)

Hobson's choice
Tell us your tales of a limited selection of viable choices leading to your choosing something you don't really want.
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 4:12, Reply)

What's the funniest accident you've ever had in the workplace?

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 4:05, Reply)

Going through the motions
Have you ever had a job manually sorting faeces at the local sewage processing plant? Did your enthusiasm start to wane after an initial honeymoon period?
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 2:39, Reply)

Dissidents, trolls and other undesirable characters.
Who do you think should be put to death without a trial, but will always be allowed to live because this Labour-biased government insists on pandering to the millions of unemployed queer paedo trade unionist Paki EU fatcat gravy trains infesting the country, WE'RE FULL hail victory 1000 years to the Party?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 1:06, Reply)

Hands.
What does the back of your hand look like, and why does it look like that? No photos allowed.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 22:54, Reply)

Dreams.
What's the craziest dream you ever head? Bonus points for humorous and/or expressionistic drawings.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 22:54, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Holidays.
Where did you last go on holiday and was it any good? Photos encouraged.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 22:53, Reply)

Resentment.
Who do you resent and why? No points for "[name]. nuff said" type answers.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 22:51, Reply)

Trolls
The last week or so has seen several threads where an epically proportioned shitstorm of spasticated poo flinging has taken place. Mainly by flids taking this website way too srsly.

Tell us about your experience of genuine trolling (Note for the remedial class- 'trolling' is not 'disagreeing' or 'annoyance') on B3ta, Have Your Say or any other web-based receptacle of retardedness.

Bonus points if you're Australian.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 18:58, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

plan your perfect funeral
what do you want for your last big day? what music would you have? would you get a spring-loaded coffin sp you could pop out and shit up the mourners? tell us. it's not legally binding, but it could be a good way to get your last wishes out there
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 16:58, Reply)

Filling somebody's shoes
Have you ever filled somebody's shoes? What did you fill them with? Why? Did they check them before they put them on again? Are you pleased with what you did?
( Zuowan, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)

The worst day of my life
Tell us about the times that your plans failed, you got fired / dumped / accused of sexually molesting a dolphin or spent five hours locked in a lift with Jeremy Kyle.


*** Please, by all that's holy, pick a topic that might actually generate some amusing stories in the answers. If not this one, then something, anything that actually has scope.

Just a hint: if the audience are making up their own subject, eg limerics, and answering that rather than the chosen topic, then you might want to consider that the original choice was not a good one. Just saying, like.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 9:22, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Exception that proves the rule
This expression is used by many to indicate that an exception in some way confirms a rule. Others say that the exception tests the rule. In its original legal sense, it meant that a rule could sometimes be inferred from an exemption or exception. In general use, the first meaning predominates nowadays, much to the annoyance of some pedants. If you were forced to have sex with an animal of your choice, which one would it be?
( Zuowan, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 2:03, Reply)

Do you have kids?
Yes? Tell us about them. Everyone loves stories about other people's kids. Other people's kids are a joy unto the world, and certainly not malformed little trolls that should be drowned at the earliest opportunity.

No? Tell us why you hate kids. It'll be ever so original, and help distract from your impotent/barren/virginal state.

Oh, and all entries should be in the form of limericks. That really won't make me want to gouge out my eyes.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 23:23, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck buddies.
Ever had a friend who would let you have no strings attached relationship free sex with them? Did it turn out that there were more strings attached than you thought? Tell us your stories and laugh as certain QOTW regulars burn themselves out whilst trying to call absolutely everyone here a liar or paedophile.
( Muns, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 10:24, Reply)

A different kettle of fish
Don't reckon this one needs any explaining.
( Zuowan, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 2:13, Reply)

How about an impromptu caption competition?
Posters chuck up random photos and let the thread do the rest. Sheds optional.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:20, Reply)

Cat among the pigeons
Have you ever put a cat among the pigeons? How many pigeons did it catch? What breed of cat was it? How did you sneak it into the middle of the group of pigeons without scaring them away? What's your problem with pigeons exactly?
( Zuowan, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 1:50, Reply)

Have you ever broken your fingers?
I haven't so I wouldn't have anything to contribute if you picked this suggestion
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Barking up the wrong tree
Have you ever barked up the wrong tree? Why were you barking up a tree in the first place? What did you hope to achieve by barking up a tree?
( Zuowan, Fri 20 Jul 2012, 1:21, Reply)