the V card
the way I see it, there are two types of virginity. the halves of the V card. the straight half and the gay half.

i lost the straight half when i was 14... too young, not by choice, you know.

but the other half. heehee. well, it was prom night... i went with this amazingly hot girl. about half way through the dance, we decided that it sucked and that we should walk around. now, the prom was at city hall (a moleste old marble building looking over the beach). we ended up getting down and dirty on the roof until midnight. our friends left because they didn't know where we were. it was sooo worth it.

and a few years and many sexcapades later, it was still the best sex i've ever had.

so here, i hand you, B3TA, my fully expired V card. enjoy.
(sophie the dyking, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:27, Reply)

..
The young lady I lost my heterosexual virginity to was my second girlfriend when we were back in high school. she was a beautiful and manic young lass who was about to turn 17. Now that i think back to this relationship and the build up to losing our virginity it was, well, kinda strange and a little twisted. but hell, we were young and (i at least was) angst filled and what not.. and she wass a nutter.
She had often woven into conversation that she was a spiritual guru of sorts and on several random occasions back in India she'd had mystical people tell here that she had 'the gift of the aura' and many other mystical talents.
well, her spiritual teacher back in India, who she regularly enjoyed telepathic chats with, had informed her that i was her soul mate and life partner who she must spiritually unite with post haste... (later on when our relationship was heading through a rough patch, she told me that she needed to use me because she had a hole in her heart and she needed to leech off my intimate energy fields and our auras were compatible for this transference. she said this was why I’d been falling ill sometimes when she drew too much on my energy which she needed to live)...
okay, back to the build up to sex.
well, you see, we had to be married properly, so there were many wonderful and interesting things we both had to do first for it to work and all... one of my daily rituals was to shower for exactly 20 mins and wash my entire external body twice over with soap. this one did in a way make sense. I was a tad bit smelly at times.
but the day that we were to make love... well, apparently her teacher would contact me through my dreams and i would know upon wakening one day where we were to have our marriage and what rites we would say and do...

well, the day we actually shagged took place one morning when she skipped school and had been rock climbing earlier on at sunrise so she was the one who could have benefited from a shower with twice over soaping.

but by the end of it we both needed a bath. it rather good for a first time and apart from my alarm going off half way through, there were no distractions and it lasted quite a brilliant length for young lovers. a bit of blood afterwards, but you get that sometimes... Discovering how to insert my dick into kunts was a wonderful lesson for me to learn that day. bodies were not constructed quite like how i'd imagined. but we got it to work!

now, in closing, and in short compared to that... i lost my homosexual virginity to a class mate later on that year during a time when my relationship with the previously mentioned lady was hitting a rough patch. she was abusive and being hit by someone was something alien to me. needless to say, that and her general spookiness scared me off a little over the months...
but during a sobbing fit she gave her consent that i sin and sleep with another man.

and it was great.
and we did it like... homosexual rabbits!
and months later when i broke up with the two of them, for a short time, they were really good friends. Awwwww!
(nsp, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:18, Reply)

with a ginger
and it was rubbish

I was 14 (shocking I know) and we did it in his loft and it hurt so much I cried all the way through and the bastard didn't even notice. To top it all off he dumped a week later.


Gingers. Rubbish.
(MyrtleTheTurtle, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:15, Reply)

At Blackpool College
In the early nineties, about 91/92.
i guzzeled a load of booze and after the taxi back one of the girls diverted me to her house and room, we we went for ages. Still the same after booze.
The next night i went back for a bit more, you have to after you first do it.And i proceeded to just last a few minutes, she was so pissed off, made sure i got hard again and she rode me to get her rocks off, and brusing my member in the process.
Never shagged her after. But i found out many years after she gave it to anyone who smiles. Oh well we have to start somewhere and it saves spoiling a good one.
(funkie, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:12, Reply)

on the lam
mine was actually quite a bit of fun. i lived on campus but my bf had a house. i disappeared with him for a while (which was spent gloriously in bed, he is fantastic) and nobody knew where i'd gone. i showed up two days or so later in the cafeteria, wearing someone else's clothes, sporting moleste love-bites, and eating all the pizza i could find.


two years and change later, it's still funny to me (and he's still fantastic).
(clumsyassassin, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:03, Reply)

bad and wrong
At a mates 16th birthday, when i was 15, i got incredibly drunk on alcopops and decided the time was ripe to get rid of my virginity.

I dragged my bloke into the toilets and promptly deflowered him. I stuck with him for 4 years, it was an embarrassing affair, but fankly it was then or never. Shame it had to be in a pub toilet tho, with bewitched on it the background. The landlord must have known we were all underage....i digress....
(madamebonsoir, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:53, Reply)

Several types of virginity...
I lost my "having it away with a married woman" V-plates at the enjoyably young age of 17. She was 35.

She was as rough as *sandpaper*, had Breasts like football socks with a bit of sand in the bottom, and was as spacious as a Wizard's sleeve.


Why do it then?

No, I still don't know. But at least Longevity was achieved without having to close my eyes and imagine Maggie Thatcher naked...

*Note*: Sandpaper meaning (as it always has) that she looked like she'd been ram-raiding on a scooter. NOTHING to do with dryness, and nothing to do with teeth. (WTF?)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:51, Reply)

With my English teachers bra on...
At an after play party at my English teachers house. It was revealed that some of the male members of the cast had promised to turn up in drag.
Not wanting to be left out I swapped clothes with one of the girls in the play, she informed me that I was now wearing her mother's, my other English teacher's, bra.

As the night wore on some people headed for home, I found myself a place to sleep that seemed comfortable, a young lady joined me and after much snogging and some fumbling she knowing a lot better than me she basically jumped me.

I was trying to be quiet as two other friends of mine were in the room. One of them took it upone himself to time my performance.

In the morning myself and my now girlfriend discovered we'd been sleeping in the dog's bed.

Who else can claim to have lost their virginity wearing their English teacher's bra in another English teacher's dog basket while a "mate" timed you.
(nebbie, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Age 17, on speed, under an itchy blanket.
Knob wasn't the same shape for weeks, thought I'd permanently damaged myself.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:39, Reply)

Fao Mogg
He was Gay fact - either that or you are hella ugly. Any 19yo bloke who dont want sex is either getting loads or has floral drawer lining.

Me? 24 with the woman I love and will hopefully marry.

Seeing as most people here lost it in halls at uni, on a beach or someother minghole, I am glad I waited/no woman fancied me.
(Taco Tickler, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:22, Reply)

Party
This is when I 'deflowered' a young lass, we were at a mate's house at a party, and she finally goes "I'm drunk now do you want to go upstairs?".

Not a good start methinks.

However once upstairs we get to it, only for her to start bleeding profusely from downstairs, she starts screaming in pain telling me to stop and my 'hilarious' mates burst through the door and start taking photos. Got the bastard back though, he had to throw out his mattress.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:21, Reply)

Vote tory
When I finally got round to losing it my girlfriend of the time was sharing a flat with a girl who was having a now very public affair with the local Tory MP. Cough *Piers Merchant* splutter *Beckenham, Kent*

Whilst I was happily chucking my V plates out the window I could hear the dirty little backbencher doing some role play games.

Naked handstands indeed.
(Let's all have an asbo, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:18, Reply)

re: clapper's bizarre, misguided and totally unnecessary post
I think it's quite understandable that first-time sexers might have trouble generating lubrication, but I digress. What I meant to say was:

The allusion to sandpaper is actually about the way women's dry, scabby teeth scratch across men's foreskins, causing them to lose erections due to the resulting smoothening of the skin. So it's all clearly women's fault.
(soma9766, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:16, Reply)

sandpaper
Am I not getting the point but referring to sand paper just means rough as a badgers arse or, well....just rough and filthy. Seeing as the whole post is about losing virginity I didnt think many people would be foreplay masters :-/
(johnny_commando, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:03, Reply)

Alcohol.
Lost mine, whilst drunk, with ex-boyfriend on the sofabed in the lounge whilst my parents were upstairs. How cute.

However, this one's better. Find second boy who I'd liked 4 years or so who was unfortuate enough to receive my attentions. At club. Manage to drunkenly break his ankle. Smooth. Go home and things get hot and steamy. (confirmed sexpest now.) Things finalise, and we're both laying there, sweating and panting. I look to him romantically.

"You know what women are really good for?"

He looks at me. "What?"

"Carrying sperm to the bathroom."

There was silence for about ten seconds, before he actually laughed and I suddenly realised that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to say. CLASS. Turns out I'd managed to fracture his ankle badly enough that a metal pin was a possibility, too. Things going well.

Sex whilst your partner is wearing a plaster cast is funny, awkward, and distracting. Determination is a fine thing.

Still with him a year on.

(regards below: 'Rough as sandpaper' - Rough looking)
( Pineapplez, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:57, Reply)

redsushi- a word to the wise
I am breaking my cardinal rule of using this board to reply to others- but this will be the one and only...

Redsushi- and others who have made the 'she was like sandpaper' comment. Can I on behalf of all ladies point out that the reason women are dry and 'sandpaperish' is because they at that point are not lubricated.

This means that you have utterly and completely failed to arouse them in every way*.

That is all. Apologies for breech of etiquette

*unless it's because she is so hungover and dehydrated that any moisture is required for essential body activity only, in which case it should be a matter of hilarity for both parties. Easily solved by a pint of water, or preferably, some spit.
(clapper, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:45, Reply)

It was the school end of gcse ball...

Id previously been laid up with a torn ligament in my thigh on heavy doses of cocodamol and diazapan. I saved a few diazapan of course. For research.

The school ball was coming up and a a girl in my tutor was being hotly contested for. She wasn't up for a date type thing and being quite a good friend asked if i would accompany her. Ace. I win the arm of a very popular girl and seeing as it's just a mate thing- there's no reason why I can't get smashed. Cue aforementioned medication.

So 2 diazapan and a few pints on im totally wasted and hallucinating a little. She was concerned for my well being and lived close by so she took me back to hers at the end of the night to come round.

I wake up around 2am with a fine young lady tending to my every need. Turns out that she's so glad i'm alive she simply has to give me a blowjob. That was my first blowjob. I've been hooked since.

Following morning she would like to take things a little further and despite what ive heard, this went rather smoothly. I ended up staying there until the monday and got fairly well aquainted with the whole sex thing. Ace.

I went out with her for about 6 months after that. I went to thailand for a few weeks, came back and she had become a lesbian... This took some getting over.

length blah blah pun blah
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:38, Reply)

Leicester Uni '88, just off London Road, block of post-grad flats, room K9 (really)
Had gone to a "Mega" at De Montfort, picked up this needy, pished post-grad - spent all night "looking after" her (i.e. wanted to shag her but didn't want to blow my chances too early). Ended up back at hers, no condoms, Talk Talk on cassette, turned out she loved cock-sucking but I was too excited about shoving it up her. Popped quick, but not too quick which was a surprise. Did it a few more times and again in the morning. Snuck-out at the first opportunity, called her a couple of weeks after, only for her to scream "Don't worry, I'm not pregnant" and put the phone on me.
(Chopper3, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:36, Reply)

Perhaps Never.
Did some heavy petting with bf in highschool but I never really felt like I could trust him, latter my theory proved correct. Attempted again in uni with some random guy but chickend out and blew him instead. Now I'm nearly 22 and I feel so sad about the crulety and selfishness of the human race that I just don't think I will ever get emotionally close enough to anybody to want to bang them. I would like to have a baby some day though, I just don't want to involve anyone ealse in the process.
(rattus, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:29, Reply)

sporty spice n the easiest pull ever
Being naive at a very late age i didnt lose it till I was 19...must have been my upbringing. After being in a complicated relationship with a super fit 17 year old chav who had a kid and never shaggin her I changed my attitude and decided it was time to screw anything to give my hand some relief for a while. So out clubbing one night and just gettin ready to leave... A sporty spice lookie-likey smiles and i politely smile back...she grabs me onto a crowded dance floor and snogged the living crapola out of me, never saying a word till....coming back to mine?. Woke up the next morning in a dirty student bed sit remembering how crap the whole thing was and her saying 'i'm not easy, i don't do this often' andI thought how i'd catch some horrible disease. Also found a card in her room from a friend sayin home your mental problems are resolved soon.!!!!!!! Left her wasted and sleeping and sneaked out into the darkness thinking how overrated the whole thing had been. Thankfully life got better and a few other girls corrected my thinking to....In't Sex brilliant.
(johnny_commando, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 13:06, Reply)

the horror (but not mine)
My friend meets a bloke in Lanzarote and meet up back in the UK, get a bit tiddly, end up shagging in rather public place. Afterwards, my friend comes find me in the park I hung out in (we were 16). She's in tears. Losing her virginity was not what she thought it would be. Boring, uncomfortable and to make matters worse her phone rang in the middle of it, being a bit confused she answered it, it being the local pervert who liked to hang out with 16 year olds and had somehow got her number. At that moment. Then she told me where it happened, and I burst out laughing.

At the exact site of a series of local muggings, then currently under 24hr camera and CID watch. She still doesn't know and is still very upset at me laughing. 10 years later.

2. Mine is boring. He initially missed (and I mean that literally, he was a bit over-excited) on the first effort, and it was all I could do not to laugh. So I did. Which was followed by a serve-you-right-lady-you-asked-for-it AMAZING first time. I am still with the increasingly amazing man. You may hate me now.

* however, if we're talking about the fumbles with the utterly useless blokes that went before... dry hump in a vicars garden; roll in the hay with a guy who lived with his dad who was clearly wanking in the next room to our naughtiness (wrongwrongwrong); throwing up with a blokes tongue down my throat (a. it probably caused it and b. i didn't invite him to either) - classy; getting off with a bloke on a sofa having turned down the offer of a shag on the mate-principal* (*not wanting to leave my friend all alone in the party with no lift home) whilst having a hand repeatedly and drunkenly thrust up my skirt by some other bloke, not knowing the whole thing was caught on CCTV. With sound.

I excel at the small stuff you see.

Aplogies for length xx
(secretlysomeoneelse, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:59, Reply)

"I'm not bragging, but the condoms are too small for me"
BOLLOCKS.

I can fit a condom over my entire HEAD you lying turds.

"I'm not bragging" No. You're Lying. (edit: in the majority of cases)

***********************

I had mate at uni with whom I used to get busy when we both needed it... She used to tell the story of when an eager 18 year-old insisted on walking her to her room, and then drunkenly suggested sex (claiming he ws a virgin). She said: "Sure, but you'd better put this on" Tore open a small package, and with a flourish and a 'Floomp', produced a Femidom.
Apparently the lad ran away with her voice ringing down the corridor: "What's Wrong kid? THEY FITTED MY EX-BOYFRIEND!!!!"

10/10 for style.
10/10 for her performance too.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:48, Reply)

To a nurse
I was having my tonsils out.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:44, Reply)

Pain that I didn't care about
It was a long time ago, when I was 14, living in a mining town in the middle of Western Australia. One night my best friend and I had to walk his 16 year old sister home from a school dance because their mum didn't like her being out after 9:00 oclock. When we got there, we saw her kissing and being groped by an older lad. We started walking home and it was obvious she'd had a few drinks. By the time we got to their house she started lagging behind. My mate said "bugger you" and went inside. I thought I'd better wait for her and when she caught up she said "give us a kiss". Up until this point, we'd had a mutual hatred for each other, so as I was trying to think up a witty comeback. She grabbed me and kissed me. When she looked at me she just started laughing, I'm not sure if it was the look of total shock or the quite obvious erection. The next thing I know she pushed me onto the footpath, pulled my shorts down and mounted me. This was unfortunate in some respects:
1. as the daytime temperature had been 48 degrees celsius the footpath was still very hot
2. the fact that I was laying partly off the footpath in some gravel
3. there must have been a bull ant nest fairly close to my position.
Being young, it didnt take very long for me but she kept going for about 15 minutes. Afterwards she just got off and walked inside, while I lay there stunned. On the way home I started to feel quite sore in various places but I just sneaked into the house and went to bed. I was woken the next morning by my mother screaming - I was laying face down in bed with blisters, scratches, bites all over my bum and legs + I was covered in blood as were my clothes. She called a doctor and the police. It turned out that the blood wasn't mine but her menstrual flow.
I saw her about a week later and she was her usual bitchy self - didn't mention anything about it.
Funnily enough, I worked with her last year having not seen her for 30 years. We had a good laugh about it.
(peewee13, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:35, Reply)

17
fat northern bird.
rough as sandpaper!
Great though!
Never saw her again.
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:25, Reply)

She was only sixteen
only sixteen
I loved her so
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know

(or possibly it was underneath the steps of the sally army in scholes)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:24, Reply)

Nearly 16
In the back of my 18 year old boyfriend's Metro. (Well, it was actually his mum's)

Bloody uncomfortable and decidedly painful, but I was excited and in love so I didn't care.

I'm pretty certain he was a virgin too, although he claimed not to be.

Classy eh?
(FluffehNinja, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:23, Reply)

I was 16, she was 18 and we were both sober.
We went to my house and did the deed. This being my first time I was now both satisfied and exhausted. She however, wanted more and gave me a blowjob. At first I though 'hmm not bad', but then agony, sheer agony. Somehow, she managed to break my guitar string using nothing but her lips and tongue. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had to endure, but I did feel proud going to the doctor about it.

After the event she wanted more of me, I went to great lengths to avoid her, she was far too rough.
(Grundie, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:23, Reply)

I feel positively classy now
I was 17, he was a 24 year old poet. Looking back the whole business was thoroughly cringeworthy, but at the time he made such a nice change.. Although nowadays if any man looks like reciting poetry at me I run a mile.
( Dekazer, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:11, Reply)

I was 16
And it was standing up behind the science block at college. SCORE.
She was taller than me, which was a little odd. We became very adventerous after that..
A deserted shower/changing room at college became our regular meeting place, but we also tried the woods, trains, and the steps of Guildford law courts. Ahh to be young again...
(perclissigi, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 12:08, Reply)