Might be a bit morbid, but...
Kill a complete bastard when I'm nearly dead from old age.

If I make it to 80 or whatever 'really old' is in 60+ years, I'd love to take my plasma emitter (phase pistol/homemade crossbow)and take down the biggest cunt I can find. You'd make a lasting impression; at worst spend a few years in a maximum security old people's home having claimed dementia as a defence and hopefully got rid of a waste of oxygen.

If every really old pensioner went around capping drug dealers and Nick Griffin I'd feel rather good about the world!
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:49, 12 replies)

Natalie Imbruglia,
in fact I wouldn't be too unhappy if she caused my sudden and untimely death.


Although not by jumping out of the wardrobe and shouting BOO!
( bane, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:43, 9 replies)

Before I die
I would like to become a Search and Rescue Technician
I would like to start and run a successful business
I would like to be the first human to step foot on Mars, and plant a flag that says "First".
I would like to own a supercar.
I would like to own a yacht.
I would like to own an abandoned nuclear silo somewhere in the world (there's a gorgeous one in the adirondack region with a house built over it for $2.4 million US).
I would like to climb one of the world's highest peaks.
I would like to see fangtooths in their natural habitat.
I would like to trek through the Amazon as well as the Wadi Rum.
I would like to go cave diving.
I would like to know the best kept secrets in the vatican library.
I would like to learn Swahili, Italian, Portugese, and German.

Some of these are easily do-able, others are a bit far-fetched.
(Turtlenuts, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:37, 4 replies)

Lactation
Ever since I was a small, hairy child with a lisp and dolphin teeth I've harboured a burning desire to be able to produce milk. Not for any perverse/sexual reasons, you filthy minded gerbil feltchers! I think it's more of a self sufficiency thing.

I have, in the past, constructed devices to help me on my quest. Using one of those baseball caps that can house 2 cans of beer, 2 bottles of milk (cows I'm afraid), some discreet tubing and some plasters. Unfortunately the lack of a closable nipple left me in a crying, milky mess. I tried to remedy the problem with some taps I got off a box of wine but I just looked strange.

I live in the hope that one day, in my lifetime a procedure will become available that makes this possible.

If not, I wouldn't mind doing a bungee jump.
(Elmintrude has lumps of it round the back, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:36, 4 replies)

Thanks to denial
I 'm immortal.

However I would like to go to Panama.
(Samulayo built a little fort on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:35, 1 reply)

Meet my Grandfather
It isn't going to happen, my dad was one of many who were born to single mums during the war, probably got up the duff by some bloke who she loved (or a one night shag) and he pissed off or was killed or something.

There was evidently a stigma of a young single mum in those days, they didn't have Jeremy Kyle or even colour tv I understand, so dad was adopted and that's all we know.

We never had any uncles or aunts when growing up so it was a small family but I always wonder who I could have known or been related to.
(bluehamster, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:33, 2 replies)

People say 'life is short'
Well, I don't know about you, but it's the longest thing I'm ever going to do...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)

One day...
...I will investigate, analyse and document the precise amount of alcohol it takes to make myself look good in the eyes of the opposite sex.
I will then invent a cocktail that is EXACTLY that strong.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:25, 5 replies)

I'd very much like
To spend the weekend eating my way through an enormous bucket of KFC, drink at least 4 bottles of Argentinian Malbec and to play Civ 5 until I fall asleep on the keyboard.

Only it's Mrs Dervel's ambition for me to help her do the gardening and then go for a nice long walk around a reservoir to look at some ducks.

Good job I love ducks/my wife.
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:14, 12 replies)

Everything
I don't want to die. If I don't live forever how will I see all there is to see?

Basically, I want to live long enough to be uploaded.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:14, 3 replies)

I realise I'm asking for the impossible
But I'd really quite like to have a glimpse into the future and see how people would remember me after my death. Not in the form of some mawkish retrospective about a dead celebrity, obviously, but just how my surviving relatives, friends, colleagues, etc., would look back on my life. To be quite morbid about it, who would read my eulogy and what would they say?

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter - I will die and that will be the end of it. I will no longer be capable of worrying about people's perceptions of me, even if I wanted to. All the same, there is a strange, slightly sentimental part of me that still thinks whatever little footprint you may make on this godforsaken planet is your legacy. Whether that is some great achievement for the good of mankind, offspring who will go on to 'make you proud' if you'd been alive long enough to see it, or even just a handful of friends who will miss you when you're gone, it's your legacy. And I'd quite like mine to be a good one.

/vain, self-indulgent post is vain and self-indulgent.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I can only think of one thing
...and that is to travel. Call me cliché, whatever. I'm a big of a geography/geology geek, so attractive scenery and famous places appeal to me. Most noteably:

- New York
- Lake Como
- Iceland

I'm sure I've said I wanted to visit many other places but my mind is like a seive half the time and I also tend to get distracted oft..
(Young Blood wasting 30 seconds of your time on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:06, 10 replies)

It's my ambition to
...fire Chris Evans, Chris Tarrant and Chris Moyles out of a cannon into the Thames.

I'd tell them all it was for charity and perfectly safe and everything, but in fact it would just be for my amusement at seeing their charred and battered corpses launched high into the air and then washed slowly downriver like all the rest of the crap that gets dumped there.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:03, 7 replies)

Drink a lot of beer
and sit around the house in my underwear watching bad movies.

See? I've already achieved perfection and can happily get rigor mortis tomorrow, if that's what the fates have in store for me. Keep expectations low and you'll have a lovely life.
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Well,
being of the tender age of 19 I haven't really thought of many long-term plans yet.

However, I've got a few.

* Take a road trip through North America (I've got the route planned out on Google Maps and everything, I even know when I want to do it, I just need to save up the cash now)
* Visit every continent (Antarctica counts!)
* Live abroad for a while
* Get a PhD, so I can go places and be called Doctor
* Play in a band, and actually play gigs - the ultimate goal being walking out on stage (perhaps at a festival just as the sun goes down) to a cheer of people who're all there to watch you
* Play/sing at the Proms - the Last Night if possible
* Crowdsurf - my anxiety over being felt up by strangers currently gets the better of me

No doubt there'll be some more profound ones I'll add later in life. At the moment, I'm focusing on enjoying the little things - going to as many gigs as I can, trying to get better at my uke, and failing to get around to learning the guitar.
(epinephrine, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)

My wish list ?
Get off this backwater fucking mudball and go home.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:55, 3 replies)

I'd like to
a) see the Northern Lights
b) cross the Equator
c) learn to play the guitar
d) get my fucking website finished
(TheImmortalJenkins, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:55, 1 reply)

Run up whacking great mahoosive debts
Leave entire estate to some cnut I really don't like, so they have to repay said debts.
(joe is troubled Got all married and teh stuffs, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:54, 1 reply)

Oh and leave a treasure hunt to where i've left my 'money'
Various clues and tricks (and traps?) as to the location of my buried wealth. See which relative has got the ambition to pursue this, although the tragedy will be that i won't be alive to see the look on their face when finally they break down the russian doll-type boxes and find the one pound coin at the end of the epic journey
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Take LSD and do the following
1) Spend the night in a haunted house
2) Parachute jump
3) Go scuba diving (possibly in shark infested water)

and such..
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:48, 2 replies)

I want to make, like, a billion fucking pounds
But not for the most obvious of reasons. Oh no, this is all about the deathbed prank.

I'm sure there will be other benefits to being a billionaire, like spending it, but I'm determined that my last act on this earth will be one that makes me giggle. A man's gotta go happy. The plan follows thusly;

If I'm that rich, it stands to reason that I can command a sizeable crowd when I'm about to shuffle off the mortal coil. Friends, family, lackeys, employees, basically anyone hoping to feature in the will. They'll all be there hoping for a handout, drunk on the intociating stench of money about to pass into new hands. When my time comes, I'll beckon them all sliiiiiightly closer, and croak "Do you wish to know my secret?"

It'll be like an unnerving collection of nodding dogs. "Come closer...", I will proclaim.

"I... raped a 9-year-old girl..."

As they all recoil in horror and disgust, I will utter the last words of my life.

"What? I never said WHICH secret I was going to tell you..."
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:48, 2 replies)

Have managed all of the following,
EDIT: I have removed the details of this post on account of being accused (probably accurately) of being a smug twat and misinterpreting the QOTW. Sorry, try harder next time.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:45, 4 replies)

Good question.
I've done a quick straw-poll with the lads, and we're all pretty much in agreement that the one thing we'd like to do before we die is to swim with podgy middle-aged tourists with limited imaginations.

Yours sincerely,

A Dolphin
(costas, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:41, 4 replies)

I want to go to this place


I'd hire a boat and a local guide and spend a week just poking round all the caves.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:40, 9 replies)

Fraser Island
I highly recommend driving on this island (in Australia). Very scary if you have a 26yr 4x4 which could break down at any moment but still highly worth it to see some of the sights:

Wild dingos, Lake McKenzie, Lake Boomanjin, Saltwarer Crocs etc.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraser_Island

I drove through an "impassable creek" in a petrol 4x4 which cut out instantly. That, followed by the sea lapping at the tyres makes for a VERY exciting place! Terrifying but nothing else like it!
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:36, 4 replies)

Threesome.
Two girls. Not fat.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:35, 9 replies)

I used to have an almost completely shaved head.
Now I'm waiting for it to grow out, before I dye.

What? You knew one of these were bound to come...
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Got this one done
One thing I really wanted to do was visit North Korea. I live in the South, so I had to travel up through China and fly in from there. During my time there, I had to keep it a secret where I was from. North Korea was great, the liquor was awesome, the women were beautiful. I know it's a failed state but some of the things the South gets wrong, the North does right. I learned a lot about the peninsula on that trip. On the way out, I'd heard the borderguards inspect your memory cards and erase any pictures they don't approve of. So I went to the washroom, undid my pants, and left a nice gift for them. Unfortunately they didn't search my camera at all.

A week after I got back, I woke up with severe chest pains. I went to the hospital, they hooked me up to an EKG, and determined that I was close to having a heart attack. I survived after a couple of very painful catheters (fortunately not going where you'd imagine), and now I live without alcohol and without meat. So, not really living at all.

Anyway, that was something I did before I died. Let me dig up that picture of myself sieg-heiling in front of the Kim Ilsung statue.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:30, 2 replies)

Astronomy wishlist
I'm a shameless stargazer - I tend to bump into people at night because I'm looking up at the stars, not where I'm going. I've been that way since I was given a book on Science, sometime around 1972.

So I've long had a list of things I want to see/do. I've managed quite a few:

- See a really spectacular comet √ (Hale-Bopp of course)
- Touch a moonrock √ (In fact I am right now - I'm wearing a moonrock ring)
- See all the naked-eye planets √ (saw Uranus* for the first time last week!)
- See the southern sky, particularly the Magellanic clouds √
- See a meteor fireball √

The rest I haven't achieved yet:

- See a total eclipse of the Sun (I managed to be on the wrong fucking continent in 1999!)
- See the aurora
- See a meteor storm
- Experience free-fall
- Walk on the moon (Come on Richard Branson, I can't wait forever)

* Please try to resist "Ur anus" jokes. Oh go on then, if you must
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:29, 3 replies)

Achieve Imortality
That would be great, you could learn every single language in the world become a kung fu master, the possibilities are endless. Only drawback would be that you may get fed up off looking at yourself in the mirror after several million years.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 14:29, 8 replies)