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NEWSLETTER: "IT MAY BE FULL OF BOLLOCKS BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE DAILY MAIL"

 
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This Week:
* DINOSAURS - Terrible Lizards
* 'PROTEST' - Slap Michael Gove
* BOARD GAME - Tweets and Ladders

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're thinkfluencing
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    the web together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 637  - 11 July 2014

Read this issue and be browser thinkfluenced:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue637

   Hi : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Bye : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
  "Kitty Carpet: reusable downstairs toupee"
  
  Shaved your minge off? Get a new one on Amazon.
  Thanks Amazon. Erm. This was found by Tim
  Chmielewski who says, "I searched for 'Life size
  Michael Jackson.'"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B006JFA8AM/b3ta-21 
  

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Yep. Stuff by B3tans. Fuck yeah!
   
  >> Dinosaurs: Terrible Lizards <<
  Joel Veitch writes, "'Dinosaurs' means literally
  'terrible Lizards' - our new documentary shows
  how they live up to their fearsome name."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dinosaurs_Terrible_Lizards


  >> Teen Thangz 9 <<
  Dogfood: "Might be a bit zany for some"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Teen_Thangz_9


  >> Investigation of the ageing effects of beard <<
  Zetsumetsu writes, "I took some photos of me
  with and without a beard and posted them on
  guessmyage.net. I've written up the results of
  my statistical analysis along with some
  'amusing' partial-shave photos."
http://ainsworld.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/the-beard-effect/


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: FOLLOW @B3TA ON THE TWITTERS FOR IMAGES
  Because we're partying like it's 2007
  
  Yeah. Lots of images. We're late to Twitter but
  fuck it. 
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  

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: USVSTH3M BOLLOCKS 
  Other stuff made by roughly the same team
  
  * Slap Michael Gove - he's been slapped
  20,069,820 times so far. Join in! Slap his head!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/slap-michael-gove/    


  * Tweets & Ladders, the social media board game
  phenomenon. Sick of people mocking your social
  media addiction? Want to prove to people that
  you can still interact with real humans? Then
  youíre in luck!
http://usvsth3m.com/post/91343316848/


  * Can you hit the back of the net in our
  Realistic Brazil 2014 Game! 
http://games.usvsth3m.com/brazil-2014/


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: PACT COFFEE, DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR (Sponsored)
  Exclusive B3ta offer, delicious fresh coffee 
 
  Get your first 250g bag of Pact Coffee sent to
  home or work for just £1 when you use code
  'b3ta' here: 
http://bit.ly/1xbIF7P

  Just buy some chuffing coffee alright? Cheers.


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  False Economies

  We asked you if being a cheapskate had ever
  bitten you badly:
http://b3ta.com/questions/falseeconomies/


  * WELCOME TO THE CHEAP MEATS - "I'm a big fan
  of cooking on a budget, but one day I went too
  far. I tried to cook with Sainsbury's Value
  Mince and make the cheapest chilli con carne
  ever whilst astounding my family with the
  revelation that it only cost a quid... What a
  twat.

  "As soon as I opened the pack, I realised this
  wasn't one of my wisest purchases. Where
  normally you'd find minced beef, I saw an
  explosion in a guts factory. Bright red strands
  of god-knows-what mingled with huge clumps of
  gristle, all liberally decorated with sections
  of white tube. I dreaded to think which parts
  of the cow I was looking at. Probably the
  broken dreams. And anus.

  "Still, I refused to be beaten and soldiered on
  with the recipe. I spent something like half an
  hour picking through this carton of takeaway
  autopsy, hooking out all the nasty-looking
  bits, removing the little (and not so little)
  bits of tube, running the Squish test on
  anything I wasn't sure about.

  "It took twice as long as normal to make a very
  small chilli. I decided against the big reveal
  at the end. I realised it probably wasn't wise
  for me to announce that they'd just eaten
  ground-up ringpiece." (costas)
 
   
  * SECOND CLASS - "Some years ago I was
  arranging travel for children going to
  residential holidays. This involved spending
  many hours on the phone to The Trainline,
  sorting scores of tickets into neat, little
  piles and packaging them up for the escorting
  staff.

  "The last time I did it, everything was ready
  about three weeks in advance and I handed them
  over the the chap who ran the organisation for
  posting. Did he post them? Did he hell.

  "He kept the envelopes on his desk for two
  weeks, 'in case there were any changes' and
  then, with three days to go, he posted them.
  Second class.

  "The result was inevitable. Only one packet of
  tickets arrived on time, and replacements for
  all the others had to be bought at short notice
  with no advance purchase deals.

  "Total cost to the organisation: a shade under
  £500, total savings from using second class
  post: £1.62" (ubergeekian)


  * STAG DO - "Before going on my mate's stag do,
  we all decided to buy "hilarious" plastic
  breasts to wear. Most bought some made of
  sturdy rubber but I went for the cheapest,
  fragile plastic, ones.

  "Not surprisingly, mine fell apart almost
  immediately and I had to look on jealously at
  all my full breasted mates. That's right. They
  were false economy comedy falsies."
  (My Front Fell Off)


  >> This Week: ANYTHING FOR MONEY <<
  How low have you sunk to earn a few quid?
http://b3ta.com/questions/anythingformoney/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * KIDS FALLING OVER GIFS - hope they're ok. Ah
  fuck it, who cares?
http://imgur.com/a/cPCPz


  * PERSON 'SHOPS TIM O' TOOLE'S FACE EVERY TIME
  HIS TRAIN IS DELAYED. Surely the work of a b3tan?
http://timsfaces.tumblr.com/?og=1


  * AMUSING SESAME STREET TYPO - that's NOT how
  you spell The Count.
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/12/17/today-in-filthy-muppet-based-typos


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like a VHS but without the tracking issues

  * SINISTER SKETCH - what did Mel Smith & Griff
  Rees Jones know? They fucking knew.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Classic:4


  * DOG PUSHES CAT INTO BATH - mean, doggy bastard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hh8il-36cuI


  * CHILD DOES DANCE - might be influenced by
  err adults. Odd.
http://a.pomf.se/oqgrsr.webm


  * LUMBERJACK RESCUES BLACK BEAR  - with milk can
  stuck on head. The bear, not the lumberjack.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lumberjacks_cameraphone_stuck_in_portrait


  * LEAKED STAR WARS EPISODE VII FILMSET FOOTAGE -
  la la la words.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Leaked_Star_Wars_Episode_VII_Filmset_Footage


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from 'Toy Mashup' 

  Last week we asked you to go all Doctor 
  Frankenstein on your childhood memories.
  Chopping and stitching two or more toys 
  together to make a better one..
 
  Our favourites included:

  * PLASTIC SURGERY: Barbie undergoes the surgeon's
  knife with added buzzers (barryheadwound)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086801 

  * HULK JENGA: Familiar scenes recreated in wood
  and plastic. (SnappyUK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086711
 
  * BOPPITBABY: So wrong itís right (Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086871
  
  All these images, and many more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/toymashup/


   >> New challenge: Minimalist Movie Posters <<
  This week's challenge is to distil your favourite
  movie in to its simplest visual form. Suggested
  by monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/minimalistmovies/


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    Snub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Afinkawan, Tab
  Hunter, coliander, Mudface, redflame, Pissflaps,
  redflame, prodigy69, jeffrey44 &
  buffet_the_appetite_slayer. Image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Tip via Devon Dan in 2006. Fuck me.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Freezing worms makes them easier to sharpen.

 
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