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NEWSLETTER: THE MICHAEL GOVE MEMORIAL ISSUE

 
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"The Michael Gove Memorial issue"
This Week:
* HORSE - Don't ride Weebl's Shetland pony
* WWI - Rap battle
* BASS - How low can you go?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "Jizzing in your inbox  
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   without permission 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  since 2001... together"

B3ta email 638 - 18 July 2014

Read this issue out to kids & make them cry:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue638 

   Friends :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Twats : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: Follow @b3ta on Twitter. Now.
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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: PACT COFFEE, DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR (Sponsored)
  Exclusive B3ta offer, delicious fresh coffee 
 
  Get your first 250g bag of Pact Coffee sent to
  home or work for just £1 when you use code
  'b3ta' here: 
http://bit.ly/1xbIF7P

  Just buy some chuffing coffee alright? Cheers.


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> WWI rap battle <<
  "Here's my first major filmed project," writes
  Leemondus, "for the BBC's WWI Centenary
  coverage. Basically it's a rap to explain the
  origins of WW1 and get some younger people
  interested.

  "I ended up co-writing the thing and composing
  & performimg all the music. Oh and I did George
  V's voice as well. 

  "The Daily Mail were offended enough to write
  an article about it (it was in the actual paper
  too.)"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/WW1_rap_battle:2


  >> Let One Go <<
  "A puerile Frozen parody," self-deprecates kfk.
  "Surprised I was able to post this to YouTube,
  perhaps it's the new copyright laws and
  whatnot. No apologies for fart 'gags'."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Let_One_Go


  >> Teen Thangz! <<
  It's a Teenth Episode Summer Special for
  dogfood, spokesman for all the nation's teens.
  No doubt we'll be seeing much more of this
  talented young man.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Teen_Thangz:7


  >> Official Spider-Man World Record Attempt <<
  "I just attempted to set the World Record for
  the fastest and most accurate Spiderman, drawn
  with a 3D Printing Pen..." blurts
  superpowerless. "NAILED IT!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Official_World_Record_Attempt


  >> Shetland Pony <<
  "Who likes tiny horses?" inquires weebl. Don't
  you ever ride on HIS Shetland pony!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Shetland_Pony


  >> I made a McDonalds Katsu Curry <<
  We really like the concept of a McDonalds-based
  cooking blog. Here's zef, who made a
  Japanese-style katsu curry entirely out of
  McDonalds food while sat in a McDonalds
  restaurant.
http://zeftilldeath.tumblr.com/post/91981191275/mckatsu-the-mcdonalds-curry-mcdonalds-have


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: USVSTH3M CORNER
  100% quizzes this week. Lots of fucking quizzes

  * WIKITY-BLANK - we'll show you a Wikipedia
  article, with the title replaced by BLANK.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wikity-blank/


  * PLAY YOUR SALARIES RIGHT - We'll show you a
  mixture of professional UK workers' average
  salaries. All you have to do is work out: is
  their pay higher or lower?"
http://games.usvsth3m.com/play-your-salaries-right/


 * CAN YOU HANG THE ABSTRACT ART? - Tell us which
 way up these pictures are meant to go.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/hang-the-abstract-art/ 


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: THE USVSTH3M QUIZ MAKER
  The democratisation of quiz production

  We've made a quiz engine that allows you to make
  your own quizzes. The clever bit is that it
  records your answers, then compares them to
  everyone else who played.

  * Epic 80s Goth Quiz!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/epic-80s-goth-quiz

  * How Obsessed With Doctor Who Are You?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/how-obsessed-with-doctor-who-are-you

  * Test Yourself Against The Welsh UltraQuiz!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/test-yourself-against-the-welsh-ultraquiz

  * Are you better at maths than the internet?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/are-you-better-at-maths-than-the-internet

  * Can you spell better than the internet?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/can-you-spell-better-than-the-internet


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Made up problems' challenge

  Last week we asked you to invent a
  made up problem like the ad men use to 
  sell products...
 
  Our favourites included:

  * HOGAN: B3ta’s favourite Hulk’s
  city planning service
(Ghettoblaster Yeti)
http://b3ta.com/board/11091764

  * CURRANTS: Eurgh, currants, thank
heaven for the Garibaldilizer.
 (brown-wings)
http://b3ta.com/board/11090275
 
  * GyPS: Never lose your lucky
  heather (robneymcplum)
http://b3ta.com/board/11091886
  
  All these images, and many more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/madeup/popular/


   >> New challenge: How food is made 2 <<
  This week's challenge is to once again show
  us what happens behind the scenes in food
  production. Challenge suggested 
  by dolphinwhisperer.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/howfoodmade2/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> The best bits of Paul Daniels' autobiography <<
  You'll like this. ...What?
http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/the-wit-wisdom-of-paul-daniels.html?m=1


  >> How to mummify your Barbie <<
  Ideal if you need to accessorise with Barbie's
  Malibu Death House.
http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/9140/mummification-lets-mummify-barbie


  >> Your selfie idea is not original <<
  Hard truths. Thanks, internet.
http://yourselfieideaisnotoriginal.tumblr.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> The Oscar for most talented forehead goes to <<
  "I enjoyed 'Her'," writes littlefeet. "But the
  experience would have been enhanced if I'd have
  seen this."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Her:2


  >> Possibly the best version of Blue Suede Shoes <<
  The Musicless Music Video people recreate a
  classic from Elvis's Dadaist cabaret period.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Possibly_the_best_version_of_Blue_Suede_Shoes_Ive_seen


  >> 100 Amazing Bass Lines <<
  It doesn't matter what anyone else says -
  bassists are definitely the most talented
  members of the band. This guy manages to
  squeeze 100 classic basslines into 13 minutes.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/100_Amazing_Bass_Lines


  >> Bloke cleans his vinyl with wood glue <<
  Sounds like that's going to be some sort of
  crappy LOLfail type video, but is more in the
  way of being a top tip. Very satisfying.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bloke_cleans_his_vinyl_with_wood_glue


  >> Can you spot who's miming during this performance? <<
  There's no prize for guessing correctly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Can_you_spot_whos_miming_during_this_performance


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Public Nudity

  Last week we asked if you'd ever let your bits
  out in public:
http://b3ta.com/questions/publicnudity/


  * MODEST - "I had a vasectomy a couple of
  months ago. They gave me something called a
  'modesty blanket' as there were a couple of
  nurses in the room. The modesty blanket covered
  me from my feet up to my neck. Except for the
  hole through which protuded my penis and
  testicles."
(browser)

    
  * AUDIENCE - "When you move into an unfurnished
  flat, curtains are not always the first thing
  you sort out. Particularly when it's a first
  floor flat, with no buildings opposite. Thus it
  was that our hero wanders into the lounge on
  his first morning, safe in the knowledge that,
  curtains or no curtains, there is no need to
  get dressed.
  
  "Of course, a man with sharper observation
  skills should have noticed the bus-stop
  immediately outside the building - a location
  which became immediately apparent when a
  double-decker bus full of startled commuters
  pulled up directly outside the window..."
(moon monkey)


  * PUB - "A friend of mine is a doctor. Another
  friend of mine is a weirdo and an
  exhibitionist. Seeing Friend 2 drop his pants
  and bend over to ask Friend 1 what he thought
  of his haemorrhoids in the beer garden of a
  crowded pub will live long in my memory.
  Especially because it looked like he had an
  extra finger growing out of his arsehole. We
  were barred. I didn't argue."
(SnowyTheWereRabbit)


  >> This Week: BAD IDEAS <<
  "Let's get all the fireworks and pile dog shit
  on top of them." I can't believe I actually
  said that, and I still can't believe I was the
  one who lit them and couldn't run away in time.
  Tell us about your spectacularly misjudged
  ideas.
http://b3ta.com/questions/badideas/


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    Grosses:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Ambegris,
  nocturne72, jams, Fray Brentos, and always
  buffet_the_appetite_slayer.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.  
  Subjlols via Afinkawan.
  Top Tip by Locus213.

  
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  TOP TIP:
  Worried that your teeth will be stained after a
  heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle
  of white wine before going to bed, to remove
  the stains.

 
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