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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 87: "CLICKITY YOO-DAR CLICKITY YAY"

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This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch. Hurty fire
* QUIZ - Coke or Cleaner
* VIDEO - Birmingham Baywatch

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're sewing the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      web... for spiders"

B3ta email 87 - 09 May 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue87/

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         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SETTING PEOPLE ON FIRE
  A b3ta educational film for kids

  Jesus wept. Some of our readers are mental.

  Zyk0tiK writes - 
  
  "Well, me and my friends was like, messing
  around with aerosols and we was like, 'funny
  to set you on fire, Steve,' and I was like,
  'Ahha yeah let's do it.' So we did.

  "The socks I am wearing in my 'Flame-Proof
  Clothing' (consisting of old school jumpers
  and socks) melted to my hands and I was in
  hospital for two days with burns.

  "I had just one skin graft on my palm where
  the molten sock had gone to bone. It was
  painful but it was fun."
http://members.lycos.co.uk/Zyk0tiK/fire.wmv


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK 
  Cocaine, Freaks, Caption Competition

  >> Coke or Cleaner <<
  "Inspired by the recent Pot or Not quiz,"
  writes Matt52, "I pulled together a similar
  sort of thing, largely educational in intent,
  in the interests of preventing people from 
  inadvertently ingesting kitchen cleaner during
  a night out on the town."
http://www.100free.com/c/cokeorcleaner/


  >> Stupid Gaydar Profiles <<
  "I'm a regular user of dating site Gaydar,"
  writes Slutbarbie, "Some of the users are
  utter freaks. I've collected the profiles
  of my favourites." Warning: this stuff isn't
  exactly safe for work. Or home for that matter.
http://www.mrbdamien.co.uk/aneuraljudges.html


  >> Singapore Caption Competition <<
  "I publish a comedy magazine in Singapore,"
  writes Carl, "Our front cover is a caption
  competition and wanted to ask if your readers
  could come up with something amusing." We
  wouldn't normally run with this, but how often
  do you get the chance to be on a magazine
  cover in Singapore?
http://www.bantermag.com/capcom.htm

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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Stupid 999 Callers <<
  Bless the Avon and Somerset police. They've stuck
  up recordings of some of the silliest 999 calls
  they've received. This is our favourite. A dotty
  old lady who's lost her glasses. Poor love
  - she's clearly a fucking lunatic.
http://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/communications/flash/sound_number_2.swf


  >> Birmingham Baywatch <<
  After last week's "Birmingham, it's not shit"
  campaign, the Brummie links have been flooding
  in. This is the funniest of the lot. It's a
  remake of Baywatch in centre of Birmingham.
http://66.70.181.237/sf/files/baywatch.wmv


  >> Find Me A Wife <<
  This bloke has been let down by dating
  agencies and personal ads, so has decided to
  appeal for a special lady with a web page. It's
  a tried-and-tested formula for a site and the
  appeal is largely in trying to tell if it's
  real or not. One of the joys of this version 
  is the guy's slowly unfolding weirdness.
http://www.wifeodyssey.com


  >> Stupid eBay Feedback <<
  Ho hum. This guy got a little bored using eBay
  and is playing a game of leaving random,
  inappropriate feedback to purchases he didn't
  even make. Worth a quick look for the inventive
  phrasing. All together now, "The Lord only granted
  me one child, and she died. Anyway, you were
  great. A+A+"
http://makeashorterlink.com/?W68113164


  >> Mewing Americans <<
  Auditions were held across the US for a
  catfood commercial. Their cat-based jingle
  is one of the most fantastically irritating
  ever made. This lady is giving it all she's
  got, making her look like an utter simpleton. 
http://www.meowmix.com/images/video/MeowAlbuquerque030301.asx


  >> Babies Vs. Adults <<
  A nice online gallery, showing pictures of
  children and the adults they became. Quite
  sweet really. This geeky chap is our favourite.
http://www.wheniwaslittle.net/index.php?limit=6&id=118&search=1


  >> Ridiculous Website Concept <<
  It must be quite dull being a web designer, 
  having to build sites to sell crap stuff
  all day. So we salute this fellow who, in
  his boredom, has crafted one of the most
  preposterous front pages ever to grace a
  site about pie packaging.
http://www.nichollfoodpackaging.co.uk/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Curry and Cheese Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted films and songs with
  curry or cheese badly shoehorned into them:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/curryorcheese/

  We asked b3ta boarder 'Baz' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves:

  Baz writes -

  #1 "Balti Towers - toilet humour is always
  funny, and this entry carries on that proud
  British tradition. Fantastic! (Dr. Dunno)
http://b3ta.com/board/1134325

  #2 "Driving Miss Jalfreze - A wonderfully
  contrived title with a great tag-line. Icky.
  (jumpy22)
http://b3ta.com/board/1135588

  #3 "The Two Towers - A brilliant, literal
  entry, symbolising the pain of the artist
  forced to conform to an imposed agenda."
  (Harry)
http://b3ta.com/board/1138210


  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, b3ta boarder Sargant came up with 
  the suggestion, "Take photos of Real World
  Photoshops." Why not cut off someone's head
  and swap it with a neighbour's?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/realworld/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * BIRMINGHAM CAMPAIGN SUCCESS -  "I was
    interviewed by the Sunday Mercury newspaper",
    writes Jon Bounds, "and the song got played
    on BRMB radio." Yay. We're saving Birmingham 
    together.
http://www.jonbounds.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jon/brum/brum.html


  * PHONEBOX WEBCAM - last week we featured a
    phonebox with a webcam trained on it. BT has
    now barred it from taking incoming calls. Woo.
    A fair number of websites we've linked to have
    been taken down by the amount of traffic but 
    never a phonebox before.
http://www.freshlegs.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fame


  * WEB GRAFFITI WALL - Last week we featured a
    site where you could draw a picture and
    submit it to a massive, random gallery.
    Loads and loads of people have drawn
    things, so much so that they are running 
    out of pixels. See it in all its glory:
http://www.blograffiti.com/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * PEOPLE THINGS UP - and getting in
    the papers. That would be cool.

  * TESTING IMPOSSIBLE THEORIES - the UK 
    Arts Council recently gave some monkeys a
    typewriter (and a grant) to see if they'd
    write Shakespeare. Can you see if cats
    really have nine lives?
  
  * BOMBS MADE OF TRIFLE - why not blow up
    some jelly, custard and sponge? Don't 
    forget the cream. It's asking for it.
    The slag.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Rob Hodges, Elliott Solomon,
  Vrlaura, Ade, Electroretro, Dis & Wilesy.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Top Tippery by Dean Perry
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the lezzy b4ta licks. (65699)

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  HANDY TIP: When you paint a room, cut an onion
  in half and leave in opposite corners of the
  room. The room won't smell of onion though
  - the onions just suck all the painty smell out
  of the air in about 24-48 hours.

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