Fags Booze and Cocaine - not proud
I was always a "all or nothing" kind of person. As well as a closet perfectionist.

Not one for wanting to bore people, here's a quick resume of so far....


Been "depressed" on and off since age 16 - was always life & soul of party on outside. Cliche-tastic.
Started smoking at 15 fascinated by it. Mum and brother did it - what could possibly be bad about it?
Started drinking soon after, then I left home for Uni and I really became good at it.
Spent best part of 10yrs between states of drunk and sober.
Early 2000-2003 found me single, 25, and feeling the need to utilise my youth(!) by clubbing, getting drunk, experimenting with pills, and the demon cocaine. I had a fascination with underground culture.
In 2000-2001 I attempted suicide on 2 occasions. Number 2 ended up in a Mental Institution (not sectioned, though I think if I'd refused entry that'd been the next option). Also diagnosed with Bi-polar Affective Disorder.
Got married to love and saviour of my love. Became Dad. Worked hard. Gave up coke for 2 years.
Then like a twat started doing coke again.

From my therapy and self-analysis I believe I was self-prescribing coke as a substitute for lost "manic" periods (been on lithium and effexor since 2001 which for me as made me bland).

I am (nearly) free of my main demon (the coke). I hope to be completely clean before the new year. I am free of the cigarettes (piece of piss to give up compared to anything else 0 including alcohol) save for the odd one every other month or so. I still drink well above the recommended amount. This is my next demon to conquer.

When I was a kid I was healthy, sporty, loved skateboarding, mountain biking and anything which made your hair stand on end!

At 33 I am overweight, lethargic, and I yearn for my innocence.

Apologies for lack of humour. I've always joked too much anyhow.
( jonbontempi, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 19:50, 1 reply)

Effexor...
...good stuff, stick with it. Might make you feel "bland" (and perhaps decrease your libido?) but can do wonders for many people.

Best of luck with the demons...
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 18:11, closed)