Olympics 2012
Not sure where I first heard it, it was probably here on b3ta, but the olympic logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob. Every can of coke, big mac, bus, chocolate bar etcetera is carrying a paedo picture. What were they thinking?
It could only be bettered if Unicef's logo was a goatse, it's not is it?
( spingers, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:20, Reply)

WE BUY ANY CAR
A thundering pile of shit.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:19, 2 replies)

Most adverts you can get away from on TV
however there is one, that no matter how many times you press skip, or main menu, it remains firmly in your face. It's the anti-piracy advert that starts with a guy with a really serious voice saying -

"You wouldn’t steal a car"..."you wouldn’t steal a TV"...."you wouldn't rape your gran" (made that one up)


Like many you have said, sometimes when adverts are annoying, they have the opposite effect and now I have an overwhelming urge to rob people’s houses for their T.V's and car keys:(

I may get corrected on this one but buying a dodgy DVD from a nice Chinese lady is copyright infringement, not stealing.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:18, 9 replies)

Schtop!
Thisch queschtion of the week isch not ready yet!
( Pretender, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Not sure if it counts as I don't think it ever came on TV
but kudos to the sheer randomness of this Nutragain ad (which most of you have probably seen before)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rE0EakhG8

BABIES EVERYWHERE
(bigjonnydynamite, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:17, 1 reply)

Wow, where do i start...
the touch and fresh ad (both "it's all gone" and "i'm going to paul's house" ads), the envirofone ad ("wonga!"), sheila's wheels, oven pride, any think advert for terrifying me as a bairn, any dodgy financing company ad, any fucking halifax advert, adverts that are clearly foreign but dubbed (e.g. mr muscle), boots (ooh, here come the girlies!), safestyle uk (for northerners), the daily mail adverts (nicely forgetting the bigotry and poison inside), any advert that promotes their business as full of normal, happy people (not miserable bastards dead inside), etc. etc. etfeckin'c.
(The Blue Brony Flogging a Dead Horse Since, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:12, 3 replies)

Completely unnecessary final line...
... but a work of irreverant genius nonetheless

Birdseye Chicken Curry.

Setup - Teenage boy goes round his mate's house for a slap-up readymeal dinner. Meanwhile the mum is getting ready to go out and the boy keeps giving her what I think may pass for longing looks (though at some points he looks like he's trying to work out the square root of -1). Payoff - The final admission which bears absolutely no relevance to the product, but made me remember it anyway.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4wAP8Xp63U&feature=player_embedded
(bigjonnydynamite, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:11, Reply)

The Volvic Challenge
is to drink some water.

I loathe the desperately 'matey' little twat who completes this stupendously heroic feat. His parting line is 'watch out boys'.

Indeed.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:09, 6 replies)

"Beware the Judderman, my dear..."
fucking right I will - and anything else that looks like the result of a dalliance between the Childcatcher and Jedward.

Good ad, though.... www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tMC94_ozk&feature=related
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:07, 2 replies)

Mikado.
This is the one I mean:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCbHRg49TYc
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:04, 4 replies)

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo.....
A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango.
He stuck it with the others, and he danced a dainty tango.
The rhino said, "I know, we'll call it Um Bongo"

Um Bongo, Um Bongo, They drink it in the Congo.

The python picked the passion fruit, the marmoset the mandarin.
The parrot painted packets, that the whole caboodle landed in.
So when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle,
They all prefer the sunny funny one they call Um Bongo!
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:04, 1 reply)

I like that advert for stuff
It's got a really pretty lady, with a fantastic body, stood out naked in the middle of a big cornfield.

She's got a missing tooth?

I don't know what the advert is for as I've never paid attention as I'm too busy looking at her arse. She is rather lovely.

So great advert, bad advertising.
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:59, 1 reply)

Its a little bit tempting.
I don't know about good or bad, but that one for the Japanese chocolate stick things is just all sorts of wrong.

A dirty old businessman watching a nubile young Japanese girl photocopying her cunt.

Not what you expect to see in the middle of 'This Morning'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:56, 6 replies)

I'm sure a load of people hate the BT ads with the My Family guy, but the worst of those is the one with his mum. He gives her a call and she lists the places he's likely to be, then when he tells her he's calling from home she says "oh that's LOVELY!". It just brings me right down, that one, that he's got so little time to talk to his own mum. Shame.
(Bezerker, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:52, 1 reply)

Boy eating a C*ck
Is it just me - WHENEVER I see the Ford KA advert (the one where you have to find the hidden Ka's - ohh entertaining!) - there is a little boy eating an Ice-Lolly - it is supposed to be in the shape of a Ka - I on the other hand see him eating a rather large C*ck.

Every. Time.
(audreyforbes audreyforbes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:50, 4 replies)

Ages ago
A doe-eyed child in hospital, joyfully unwrapping a box that was to contain her new organ, to be transplanted forthwith - only to find, after layers of unwrapping, that it was empty. The hope drained from her sad little eyes, leaving only despair and hoplessness in its place.

Ultimate April Fool! Who says doctors have no sense of humour...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Fuck, I could go on for hours...
...but I don't have time right now. I'll think of some as the week goes on.

In the meantime, here's a generalism. I really, really despise the way they always make the adverts louder than the programmes:

TV PROGRAMME: 'More after this break' or 'jingly jingle jingle + show logo'
...then...
ADVERT TWAT: 'HEY, WHY NOT BUY OUR SHIT? IT'S TIP-FUCKING-TOP'

I'm guessing that I'm like most folk in that when I'm watching TV, I have the volume set so that it's loud enough to hear, but not loud enough to annoy me or my neighbours. Then adverts come on that place themselves well over this threshold and I hit mute for 5mins.

Surely this defeats the object of advertising whatever product they're trying to cram into my conciousness, that is annoying me before even getting into the content so that I essentially render them unable to sell me shit. Is it just me?
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:47, 10 replies)

Any advert when they show you "how it works"
They'll "convince" you that a product works by showing you a lovely animation of someone wiping away coloured dots/angry imps etc which represent bacteria or some bubbles smoothing down hair ends.

Oh thanks so much for that- without that proof I would have been skeptical but now i'm convinced!!!!
( awayfromthenumbers, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Those fucking roller skating babies
for Evian, I think?

Terrifying.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:42, 2 replies)

Go to China
And live like communists.
(milk_explosion, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Pretty much every advert ever.
The worst part of a scientific education is the creeping awareness of the tsunamis of bullshit that sweep forth every 10-15 mins via the medium of television that builds to a state of constant irritation. I'm not saying if you've never put on a white coat you're going to lap up the descriptions of messianic perfection that are ascribed to each and every product, but you're trained to be critical and most importantly ask: "Where's the evidence?" at every available opportunity. Of course their usually isn't any.

Women's beauty products are a gold standard example for this kind of crap. Next time one is on take a look at the text at the bottom of the screen rather than the claim in big white letters with the words 9/10 or 95% in it. Those little words will, at worse tell you that everything you're seeing in the advert is a hilariously dishonest ("This tart is wearing natural hair extensions" -what so you've got brilliant stylist, a photoshop wiz AND perfect hair from some poor Indian lass stuck to the scalp of a wench who claims to be an actress but hasn't been in anything for a decade? What part, if any, did your five quid a bottle sham-poo play in all this?) Or, more often trying to sneak in some really crap statistics. Often it's a survey of about 100-400 women, but I've seen much lower. I don't think this is the place for a lecture of statistical significance but that really is shit. And that doesn't take into account the shitness of the questions they ask, they ask questions about opinion e.g. "Would you agree our shampoo makes your hair feel softer?" I'm not a statistician, but I'm told that asking for an opinion of this type is pretty dodgy, even without the questioned being carefully tailored to generate positive, marketable responses. An easy way of doing just that is to overload the positive end of the scale so people plumb for what appears to them to be an "average" or "neutral" response just 'cos it's the middle tick-box when it is, in fact, a hearty recommendation when examined more closely. Another is omitting the "don't know" or "no difference" option as people who have just received a free sample of your product (no doubt after a short placebo-effect-inducing lecture on it's greatness) are pre-disposed to positive responses when choice is limited.

Et volia, a survey of (a statistically iffy number of readers of a fashion magazine who are more likely to be convinced of the value of said product-type whilst not being aware of good questionnaire design) found 95% of them found it made their hair "feel" "softer". Notice the word "feel" there? It's really important. We're now presenting opinion (dodgy opinion at that, for the reasons above) as fact and using it to sell you shit. And there's not a damn thing the advertising standard agency can do about it.

I could go on and on about how Lynx will do nothing but make you smell like an impressionable 14 year old, how any advertising exec who green-lights anything with "there is an easier way!" in it should be force-fed creme eggs until they choke to death, how car ads are so far removed from the business of selling cars as to be best viewed as subversive surrealism and that anyone trying to sell you something does not have the best interests of you, your kids, your pets or your fucking gut bacteria in mind. But I won't.

Thanks.
(Metalfish Hasn't had a sig since, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:39, 7 replies)

Oh I forgot the other kind of advert I hate
The ones that make me feel guilty for being a bit poor, the ones with little David who hasn't had a glass of clean water for a year or little Aisha who has to walk 10 miles to school and back everyday :(
I hate how they get to you by showing you the sad bit, then the happy bit with the kids playing next to a clean well (wasting the new water might I add) and then back to the sad bit again.
I do care about these things and I understand that they have to make appeals but I just wanted to say that I don't like the way they make me feel, helpless and guilty, like even though I donate to different charities multiple times a year when I have spare cash, these make me feel like I'll go to hell if I don't do more.
( Mrs. Spatum, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:38, 1 reply)

"....now I can afford that holiday"
..and remain in debt for your entire life.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:37, 1 reply)

Actually, despite my earlier protestations
This is the best advert you will ever see in your entire life.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:33, 1 reply)

Sexy girl: "Oh eight nine one"
Rugged man: "FIFTY FIFTY FIFTY".

I am the man with the stripey black and white trousers.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:30, 4 replies)

We Buy Any Car
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
(JohntheDane, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Know your limitations and remember that the remote control is your friend
From an early age I knew that my brain could only hold so much information and only for a finite amount of time. It’s a bit like a really bad version of the memory upload from “The Matrix”. I have crammed a lot in for the purpose of exams, but the minute I heard “Pens down” it all dribbled out my ear, pushed out by the song lyrics and Simpsons quotes that my brain had deemed more important than anything useful I ever learnt.

This is why I simply cannot watch adverts; they will fill up my brain and never leave. I haven’t watched an entire advert break since I was 15 or so, which is a bloody good job because by now I would be a gibbering mental patient unable to communicate in anything but ad-speak. Even the first 15 years of my life where I watched adverts have left an indelible mark, I am currently trying to compute a clients capital allowances for the year, but my brain wants to sing the Gino Ginelli ice cream advert from the early 90’s.

However, the TV companies seem to be on to me as the bastards have synchronised their advert breaks, which leaves me fumbling for the mute button…have you ever watched adverts with the sound off? It’s quite terrifying; everyone has wide soulless eyes and big forced smiles that seem to say; “JOIN US!” *shivers*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Couple of banned adverts, SFW
Don't mention the war! www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I

No longer allowed: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbdxm8Ia0Wc&feature=related
(Falco, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:24, Reply)

The Mastercard Ad...
... where a boy leans against a doorway and pleads with his date for a blowjob, only to have big sister open the door and say:

"Dad says, give the boy a damn bolwjob, but for god's sake tell him to stop leaning on the intercom."

Dad with a sense of humour ... etc.

Edit - may have been broadcast in foreign parts only.

Edit edit - see first reply for a better account of it.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:22, 2 replies)

My housemate is in an advert
She is the 'Giant Pillow Fight, Whole of Manchester' girl for T-Mobile.

My friend came to stay with us a few months ago and on realising we had a star within our midths decided to google her and then tell her that there were forums full of people who hated her for being a wannabe wackster.

Which is harsh. She's actually not like that at all.
(babyaeroplanes, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)