Used and abused in Bristol Airport
Seven years ago I worked at Bristol Airport as a till-monkey in the shops, behind the bars, in the restaurant and so on. I tended to work “air-side” in the departure lounge as I was deemed trustworthy enough to work unsupervised and not rob them blind like the rest of the retards who worked there.

This was great, I didn’t have managers breathing down my neck and the customers were always more relaxed and pleasant once they had checked in & were in the departure lounge. However, I did have to go through security and even though I was a member of staff with the appropriate security clearance I had to be patted down when the metal detector was set off which was EVERY SODDING TIME. This would happen 4 or 5 times a day due to the nature of the job.

Most of the security guards were old farts who would roll their eyes when the saw me coming as they knew they would have to get off their fat arses and do their job which usually consisted of a half-arsed patting down of my arms & torso before I was on my way.

Then a new guy started. He was mid-twenties, quiet looking but I was glad to have someone nearer my age to make small talk with. He was eager and didn’t seem to resent having to do his job when I turned up at security, which I put down to wanting to make a good impression in his new job.

The first time he patted me down was at 4am when my shifts started, I stood there half asleep with my arms out…he patted down each arm…down the torso…up the inside leg and WHOOPS EASY TIGER a quick brush of ‘Steven and the twins’. I put it down to being new and not him being a pervey weirdo.

Turns out I was wrong. He WAS a pervey weirdo. He lasted 2 weeks until he was fired due to customers complaining. However, in those 2 weeks he must have searched me at least 10 times and I never once ‘truly’ thought he was touching my tackle on purpose. I mean, he never even bought me dinner or said he loved me (kidding).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 11:42, Reply)