Accidental animal crueltyI once invented a brilliant game - I'd sit at the top of the stairs and throw cat biscuits to the bottom. My cat would eat them, then I'd shake the box, and he would run up the stairs for more biscuits. Then - of course - I'd throw a biscuit back down to the bottom. I kept this going for about half an hour, amused at my little game, and all was fine until the cat vomited. I felt absolutely dreadful.
Have you accidentally been cruel to an animal?
This question has been revived from way, way, way back on the b3ta messageboard when it was all fields round here.
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rob, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 11:13)
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Being an ‘animal lover’ and being a good ‘animal keeper’ is not necessarily the same thing…I am an animal lover…not in THAT way…but I do love animals.
However…If you are unfortunate to have read some of my previous posts you will know that:
I have accidentally boiled 2 fish. (1 survived…its name was Jesus).
I have inadvertently fed my undercrackers filled with post-circumcision op gunk to the family dog.
Also, a bandmate and I nearly killed a (different) dog with just the power of fart at a private gig once.
But Anyhoo…this is the story of a Rabbit…called ‘Alan’.
Alan was black as night…black as coal….and cute as a button. We used to let him wander round the house until he started shitting behind the TV…then it went into a hutch thing in a spare room…before he started spraying piss all up the walls…so it was into the garage with him.
But now in the garage there was no need for the hutch…so I built him a huge area with surrounding walls, different things to hop over and loads of room. He would be the envy of every rabbit in our street. Aren’t I kind?
The thing is…the dozy twat-rag kept trying to escape by leaping over the wall I had built him so I built it higher…and higher…but the little fucker didn’t stop trying to jump out so I finally built a sort of ‘semi-roof’ on the wall. ‘That’ll stop the bastard’ I proudly proclaimed.
It sure as shit did…the next day we went in to find Alan stiff as a board on the sawdust. From what we can gather…he hadn’t sussed that I’d try anything than to put another layer of bricks in the wall…so he leapt with all his strength…straight into the roof which either killed him outright or knocked him off balance and he karked it when he hit the bricks below.
D’oh.
As for Pooflake the cat…he’s fucking brilliant but we don’t exactly look after him as well as we should…You know…like feeding him regularly and stuff.
We had actually long suspected him to be a ‘bit of a thickie’ (like his namesake) For instance; he sits on the bonnet of the car and lets you drive about half a mile before jumping off.
However, it turns out that he has at least 3 families in our street who have ‘adopted’ him. He keeps turning up looking fatter and fatter, and wearing different collars (some are proper gay though – so we all laugh at him and point). Despite the fact that we have seen him in the front windows of three different houses in our street, he always knows where his home is though…so who’s the thickie there?
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 6 Dec 2007, 12:07,
2 replies)
"I have inadvertently fed my undercrackers filled with post-circumcision op gunk to the family dog."^
That has to be one of the funniest/grossest sentences I have ever read!
*clickety woo*
(, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 13:48, closed)
Cats are cool...Gets a click for the chuckle it gave me
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snee held his breath since, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 14:46,
closed)
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