ow. just ow.
during my teen years, my friends and i would often have to employ the "you go out with the ugly bloke so i can have his sexy mate" strategy. it wasn't a perfect solution, but it did mean we often got the blokes we were after.
one saturday night, a friend of ours was having her 16th birthday party. it was the first time her parents had let her have booze in the house, so we were all intent on getting pissed and frisky.
one of the lads, J, was someone i'd had my eye on for some time. he always hung out with P, who was a bit of a wall-faced twat. i'd tried to set my mate up with P before, but she was having none of it. J wasn't willing to leave his mate in the lurch, so i was having none, either.
as the night wore on and we became ever more drunk, i finally managed to persuade my mate that P wasn't that bad a catch. with a sigh and an "oh, all right", she took P by the hand and led him into the hall closet for a bit of privacy. seeing that they were occupied, J and i went onto the verandah to indulge in a bit of snogging.
2 minutes later, the closet door flew open and a screaming P ran out, clutching his bleeding todger. seems my mate had agreed to give him a wank and, forgetting that she was wearing an eternity-type* ring, had pretty much lacerated his man-meat. needless to say, the party pretty much fell apart at that point.
the second worst thing was that the cow refused to go to casualty with him, so J had to go and try to explain what had shredded his mate's cock.
the worst thing was that both P and J refused to go out with us afterwards :(

*this particular type of ring has stones right the way around it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 18:07, Reply)