Hotel room / bedroom - it's the same thing...
[insert length joke here....]

May years ago I worked as a trainee-draughtsperson for a company that manufactured conveyor belt systems, boring as all shit but it paid quite well.

As part of my training I was sent away to one of our suppliers to be given some product training. This was boring, being shown different conveyor belt parts that I would need to draw (manually at the time, autocad was still a couple of years away).

So at the end of day one me and the other guy that had come on the course decided we'd explore the local town (Gainsborough to those who may be interested) to see if we could find a decent boozer / Indian restaurant.

We eventually found a boozer and proceeded to drink LOTS of beer, we then found an Indian Restaurat, eat far too much curry and drank more beer.

We then stumbled back to the hotel / guest house where my co-worker proceeded to produce a full bottle of Teacher's Whisky and a handful of finely rolled 'herbal' cigarettes.

We drank some whisky, smoked the herbal cigarettes and then drank more whisky. I then started to feel a little queasy but was far too shitfaced to actually move and proceeded to vomit the entire evening's beer / curry / whisky all over the nice clean duvet.

I knew I would be in trouble, I had only been in the job for a couple of months so a plan was needed.

And boy did we come up with a plan....

We gathered up the sick filled duvet and planned on seeing if any other rooms were empty / unattended, we would then dump said duvet in that room and steal the nice clean duvet for my room.

And it worked, after 10 or so minutes of carrying the duvet around we found an unlocked room, threw the sicky-duvet in the cupboard and stole the one from the bed.

Cue me back to work the following week, day 1 - nothing said, day 2 - nothing said, day 3 - nothing said. Then on day 4 - I get summoned to the Boss' office and sacked on the spot. I ask (in my best shocked voice) Why?

It turns out that the unlocked room belonged to the proprietor who upon his return to the room had wondered where his duvet was and had gone to the cupboard to see if it had been tidied away. He was a little shocked to find that my beer/curry/whisky sick had leaked all over his clothes.

It wasn't hard for him to find out what had happened as his duvet and cover were different to those in the other guest rooms, it just took him a couple of days to work out which room it had been in as the cleaners had taken it away for washing.

Hated the job anyway - I mean, 'Draughtsperson' - I ask you!

And then my mum came in and wanked my cup of tea off with her headphones or something....
(Vauxhall Burgundy, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 17:04, Reply)