DIY surgery: A tale of blood, blood, woe and blood
Don't - for the love of God - attempt DIY surgery on yourself, for it is as much as a bodge as soldering a nail across the contacts in a fuse box.

I know this because of my attempt to remove an otherwise harmless skin tag that had grown in my armpit. My grandad had one in the small of his back and it grew so big it freaked me out, so I was determined to get rid of it.

I used a pair of nail scissors.

And although the skin tag was tiny, and although the surgery didn't hurt in the slightest, and although I thought nothing could go wrong, I was not prepared for the blood.

Loads and loads of blood. Within a minute I was covered in blood, and so was everything I came into contact with. And. IT. WOULD. NOT. STOP.

Covered in blood like Peter Sutcliffe at a whore's convention, I shaved the armpit and stuck on the biggest plaster I could find from a blood-soaked first aid box. And still it bled, until I was covered in bandages, plasters and blood.

The following morning, I resembled a man who had been run over by an offal cart, and slowly, painfully pulled off the plasters. Blood, everywhere. And it WOULD. NOT. STOP.

I have since been told by medical professionals that such surgery is frowned on and someone called a "doctor" will actually remove said growths, cauterise them and bandage you up, without looking like an accident in a butcher's shop.

Bodged surgery: DON'T DO IT.

If you've finished your lunch, full 12-inch version with picture HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 14:01, 6 replies)

Bollocks to medical professionals
Tie a length of cotton REALLY tightly around the skin tag. Leave it there. After a day or two it will go purple and bulbous. Feel free to burst it, it's only clear liquid. Then, after another day or so it will dry out at which point you are at liberty to cut it off. No blood. No returns. No waiting 6 weeks for an appointment for your doctor.
( Joliet, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 14:25, closed)

I've got one under my eye now
I daren't
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 14:28, closed)

The thread
strangulation method works
( elgordo, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:48, closed)

Cauterise it?
Just burn them off with a soldering iron then. It's worked for me on warts.
( SteamedCleaner, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 14:31, closed)

I nipped one off with my fingernails last week.
Bled more than I'd expected, but stopped after 20 mins.

I can vouch for the tying-it-with-thread-and-leaving-it method though - I have a load of them on my neck and it's the only way I normally get rid of them.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 15:37, closed)

I had one on my neck
First Mrs O'Reilly nicked it with the hair clippers while she was doing my barnet, it bled like fuck for a few minutes and then stopped. Then my shirt collar started rubbing against it and it sort of half came off, and finally, I woke up one morning and it had just fallen off in my sleep. Doctors? Fuck 'em.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 23:37, closed)