o SMEG
Well, you see, I was going to post a rant about a girl who asked me to marry her, so I asked her to marry me, and the relationship was only five months old, and three weeks later she dumped me and didn't give a reason why, apart from a text message saying 'you don't treat me well in public' and something about having 'become a different person' and having 'lost her sense of self', and mark my words I did get a bit upset about that, and her dad was great, but her mother was some kind of world-class retard who didn't want her to be in contact with her dad and who subjected her to all sorts of crap, and I was in love, and she was gorgeous, tall, Northern (if Swadlincote counts as Northern), fiercely intelligent, piercing eyes, curves in all the right places (ok, ok, stop sounding like Hugh sodding Hefner...)

But, if you start googling for your ex's name on the internet and send 1 lengthy message to Friends Reunited, not to mention about four to the COLLEGE PHILOSOPHY SOCIETY she's the secretary of up to 15 months after you broke up... if you send a text to her two months after you broke up saying 'I still love you unconditionally' after she said something to you about a cancer scare... well, after that it's more your OWN fault if someone says 'GO AWAY! GO AWAY NOW, MAN!!!'

Mind you, she did disguise herself as Bertrand Russell and then AOL.COM in an attempt to contact me in March. That's pretty weird. BERTRAND RUSSELL? A DEAD PHILOSOPHER?!

Pah.

I'm with someone I think is fantastic now, of course - although heaven knows how long that will last, given this whole new 'cynical approach to relationships' thing - but Mrs A, you were the first girl I went all weird over. Well, apart from following that librarian's daughter around when I was at school and didn't have a penis. And she kissed like a washing machine.

Well done, well done.
(sjflangehound, Sat 18 Nov 2006, 1:36, Reply)