I am very, very sorry...
At school I had a friend called Simon. Nice enough fella; strangely oversized feet, but that's no reason to dislike someone.

He did, however, have some other distinct characteristics, and these gave way to his (highly unimaginative) nickname: Bullthit Thimon.

You see, Simon had one of the most pronounced lisps I'd ever encountered. So pronounced was his lisp, in fact, that even teachers would occasionally snigger as he sprayed his way through sentences.

What's more, he wasn't the sharpest kid in class, but you could tell he really wanted to appear a lot more intelligent than he was. His answer? To make up his own 'facts'. Constantly.

Truth is, he loved to lie. He'd lie more than a man at A&E with a hoover pipe stuck up his rectum ("I was doing the hoovering naked and slipped, etc..."), and it reached the point where something had to be done.

So we clubbed together and bought a full range of Encyclopaedia Britannica, on the basis that by giving him access to a broader range of actual facts, he would be able to appear clever without having to make stuff up all the time.

Soon after we left school and went our separate ways: uni; work; prison; whatever people fancied really, everyone lost touch with Simon quite quickly, so it was nice that he turned up to the pre-Christmas reunion drinks we held in London last year.

There was a marked difference in him. His lisp was far less severe, although it would still crop up occasionally. But it was his lying that was most significantly different. He regaled us all night with fascinating nuggets of information and appeared much more like the intelligent person he'd always wanted to be. You could tell that he was still making much of it up, but it was always humorous, vastly more entertaining and far closer to the truth than it ever had been.

At the end of the night, all of us well refreshed, Simon sidled up to me, and in a conspirational hush said "I'm tho grateful to you guyth for buying those books for me at thcool. Really I am. Those books changed my lieth."





*runth for the hillth*
( Moey, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:33, 5 replies)

heheheheh!
*click*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:41, closed)

arf
you're thilly.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:49, closed)

Thooper, thir!
I liked thith!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:06, closed)

*thpang*
made me laugh, mind, tho have a click
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 21 May 2008, 13:55, closed)

Thtunning
Abtholutely thmashing!
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:49, closed)