The ex-wife of an old acquaintance...
...had a similar problem. Keen to remedy it, she went to the chemist's and got some depilatory cream - if you've never used it, it's like Immac but you don't have to pull it off, it just sort of burns through the hairs. You're not supposed to leave it on for more than about 10 minutes. So it was a bit of a mistake, then, when she put it on, laid on her bed on her back to let it go to work, and fell asleep. For an hour and a half. Once the burning pain around her nipples had woken her up, she ran and scrubbed it off as best she could. Too late - apparently she had bull's-eye markings on her tits for the next three weeks. Every time my acquaintance saw them, he was reminded of the markings on a Spitfire and came over all patriotic. This isn't really the reaction you want when you get 'em out.
(Trauma, Sat 8 May 2010, 0:40, 1 reply)

Oh, I don't know...
...surely standing to attention and saluting them would be a very desirable reaction?
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:29, closed)