Faking injury
I went to join the Army, and was invited along for the test up at Sutton Coldfield. I sailed through the written stuff and looked set to join up.The only problem was the epiphany I had there - I was quartered with the biggest bunch of tossers I have ever met. People have since told me that I was unlucky, and they do not represent the majority of armed forces, but our selection group was all arseholes, wankers, shitcakes and scrotes, one of whom walked off with my Walkman, never to be seen again.

During the final part of the selection - the basic fitness test - I was doing OK on account of the marathons I was running at the time. Then, for reasons of spack-handed crapness, I took a tumble off the beams and twisted my back. Just a bit, but something in my head told me to stay down and stay injured. The Medical Officer saw me, he told me to take a few months out, get better and come back. I never did.

Sorry for wasting your time and money, British Army and lying about being badly injured. At least the US Air Force were nice enough to have me as a captain (another story, involves MILF porn for which I will also burn in Hell) instead. You may now send your white feathers.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)