I'm meek - MEEK, DAMN YOU!
My mum has an awesome technique for dealing with cold callers, that I sometimes adopt when I have to deal with someone who is trying to give me the hard sell.

When a normal reasonable person rings up I explain that as a couple we like to discuss what we are doing with our finances before we make changes. I'll listen to the information, but I won't do anything without checking with t'fella first. However, if the person is piling on the pressure I use "The Meek Housewife" approach which goes roughly as follows.

"I'm sorry, my [significant other] deals with all this sort of thing. It sounds like a very good offer though, if you give me the number to ring for more information I'm sure he'll give you a call. I'm afraid you can't try later as I don't know when he might be back."

It works just as well for door-to-door folk, especially when you can just take a leaflet to show the "Man-of-the-house".

It does require you to behave like you're chained to the kitchen sink and I imagine is more effective for women than men, but I like it as it's non-confrontational. If the pushy sales person thinks you don't make any of the important decisions in the house then they will likely move on. Also it doesn't require you to generate a poorly formed lie on the spot.

"I'm afraid I can't sign up to your service because... um... I'm allergic to pens... and pencils.. and ooh my canary is in the oven, got to go! Bye!"
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:24, 6 replies)

One of my ma's Asian friends uses 'NO ENGLISH'
and closes the door or puts the 'phone down.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:28, closed)

I use
"Suck my balls"
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:45, closed)

I do this too
I just say 'sorry I don't pay the bills (true) and I don't know who our current provider is (mostly not true)'

If you are face to face, you can add a few sideways looks as if you are scared you will be seen talking to a strange man.

Having said that, I once spoke to a pushy TalkTalk salesman. I made the mistake of giving him the house number and postcode, but said several times over that I would NOT sign anything as I hadn't discussed it with mr b3th.

Obviously within two weeks our Tiscali account had been cancelled and were 'transferred' to TalkTalk. Cuntmonkeys.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:47, closed)

Oh yes!
Both me and my wife do the same. So every account we have is invariably in the others name.
I do enjoy the sport of cold callers though, so usually get her to say I'll be in at such and such a time so I can have a healthy go!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:19, closed)

I don't bother with 'poorly formed lies'
I just tell the cold-caller/guy at the door that:
"I'm sorry, I just have an insane compulsion to give all my money to large faceless corporations. Goodbye!"
(theremin put the lotion in the basket on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:58, closed)

Is it really so hard
...just to say 'no thanks' and hang up? Why the need for such theatrics?
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:58, closed)