Sky
I spoke to Sky about my broadband today, and had to speak to the doziest cow they had. When she wasn't asking me to "bear with her while she ran tests on my line" (surely a phrase to rival "putting a note on your account"), she was failing to listen to my answers to her questions. Some examples (which I managed to transcribe in Notepad when she was "testing my line"):-

Her: So is the internet light green?
Me: No, it's orange, sometimes it's flashing and sometimes it's solid.
Her: Okay, so you have a solid orange light.
Me: No, it's sometimes solid and sometimes flashing.
[Later on in the call]
Her: So do you still have a solid orange light?

Her: Okay, so now you have clicked disconnect, click on close window.
Me: I can't, that button's disappeared, should I close it with the red x in the top corner?
Her: No, just click close window.
Me: I can't, it's disappeared.
Her: Okay then, just click on close window.
[The sad part is that this one has been abridged, we went round in more circles than one of their bloody satellites]

Her: Do you have any other phone sockets in your house?
Me: No, I don't have any other phone sockets in my house.
Her: But do you have any other phone sockets in your house?
[I wish I made that one up]

Her: Stay on the line and I'll transfer you.
Me: Okay, I will, thanks for your help.
Her: No, no, stay on the line!
[She didn't put me on hold, she cut me off, and my broadband still isn't working]

This is on the back of two £90+ phone bills from me trying to actually get my land line connected, which required me to hold on an 08442 number (free from my Skytalk line WHICH ISN'T FUCKING CONNECTED, and therefore was costing me stupid money per minute) for up to fifty minutes at a time, listening to one song, interspersed with shit along the lines of "Don't miss a minute of the Ashes with Sky Player" (two days after the Oval test had finished).

Ah well, try again tomorrow, it's not like I'm a freelancer who needs an internet connection for work or anything :(
(Dowbocop, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 21:10, 5 replies)

You should try Saynoto0870.com, see if you can't find a cheaper version of that number to call.
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 22:15, closed)

Cheers
A friend told me about that, but I'd just got my Sky line installed the previous day, so it was completely useless!

I'll bear it in mind for the future though :)
(Dowbocop, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 22:25, closed)

Well, I used to work in that department where you were on hold for 50 minutes
I wish I could give any other reason except 'fucking idiots' at BTO, combined with people screaming at us for 10 mins about how they were on hold for 50 minutes. Oh, and there's about 10 people to answer your call. The rest of us were phoning people back who another department had promised the customer, to 'save their time'. And, of course, the people who were sorting the problem out, off the phones (which I used to do a lot of the time).

Also, I'm gonna send you a gaz :)
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 0:20, closed)

Sky Talk
is the Devil. Get out of there as fast as you can.
(thePontificator, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 8:25, closed)

Surely
you can demand some of that money back, as it's their incompetence has caused you to run up such a massive bill? Of course - that's assuming you can actually get through to them and manage to speak to someone thats not a monkey in a dress..
(berk, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 12:19, closed)