Z-list TV Chef you say?
We were at a country show with various events- stunt bikes, monster trucks, air show, markets and so on. There was a cookery show and James Martin was in there, lapping up the attention of the ladies, young and old, rattling on about Yorkshire as he does.

I was getting a little fed up of his incessant jibber jabber- he was there to fry fish or whatever it is he does. He paused for breath, and I shouted "Get on with it fatty!". A little bit too loud to be honest.

My girlfriend glared at me like I'd crapped on her mother's Sunday roast. The fat cook looked at me like I'd fed it to him.
It worked though. He shut up and fried his fish, and the old dears at the front were still excited enough to feed his ego.

Outside she was on her phone to a friend telling her how she'd just seen James Martin and how lovely he was, when he walked past. She was gushing on even more now as he'd been within just a few feet. I stepped closed and said down the phone something like "yeah but he's a right porker and his hair's retreating faster than the French army". A little bit to loud, again.

Oops.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)