Fun, brought to you by the DVLA
I work in a certain car parts/bike shop...Sod it, I work in Halfords. We get so many stupid customers, I'll try to limit myself to a few stories.

As many of you may know, the DVLA changed the law on numberplates at the beginning of the year, there are certain things you have to bring with you, a conversation with a customer normally goes:

Them: I'd like a number plate, please
Me: Do you have all the things you need to bring?
Them: Like what?
Me: Well, you need a bank statement/utility bill and driving licence to prove who you are and the V5 to prove the car is yours
Them: WHAT? THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS! I HAVE THE CAR WITH ME!
Me: It's the law, if I do anything else then I get fined £2000. Besides, you could easily have stolen the car.
Them: Well, I've got the V5 and my driving licence, what about my blockbuster card as proof of address?
Me: No, it MUST be a bank statement/utility bill
Them: What about my -
Me: No

My favourite number plate customer, though, was a particularly picky lady. Her registration was **** UPJ. She'd read up and made sure she brought everything, we put it through the computer, she paid and we started making the number plate. When we were done, we showed it to her...
Her: God, no. I can't have that!
Us: Why, the letters are right, there is nothing at all wrong with the plate.
Her: Yes there is, look, it looks like it's saying something rude!
Us: Where?
Her: it looks like it's saying UP J, I can't have that, make it again, but move the J in a bit.
Us: We can't do that, it's against the law to mispace letters on the plate. Besides, what exactly is 'J'?
Her: I don't know, but it's very rude. *points to her illegal plate on the car* that doesn't say it
Us: That's because it's an illegally made plate, now are you going to take this one?
Her: No, goodbye

Sorry to be really long, but I have one more short one. A customer came in for some jump leads to start his 3 litre diesel car. I pointed him to the heavy duty leads, because the normal leads would not take the load needed to power such a large diesel engine. He had a huge go at me, claiming "You're just paying for a fancy box there, aren't you?" and bought the cheapest ones. The next day I was working again and he came in, looking furious. He slammed the cables onto the desk and proclaimed "These shoddy cables melted when I tried to start my car, I demand my money back"
(SpookTheHamster, Wed 31 Dec 2003, 14:25, Reply)