I don’t know if this is common anywhere else....
But after this weekend, where I was forced to endure a night in the company of my wifes old schoolmates and their partners I realised that a common event in every secondary school in the Barnsley area is that they had a schoolkid in their yeargroup that did some unspeakable sexual act on a household pet (Usually a dog).

Rather than label Barnsley as the beastiality capital of Britain (we have enough problems as it is) , I live in hope that this is a national schoolyard lie made up by kids that can’t think of anything more creative than " Chris H once bummed a dog for a fiver ".
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 15:43, 15 replies)

For a fiver.......
....bumming a dog is extremely difficult.

A much easier and profitable venture is to nip to PetSmart, purchase some Bonio, and use them to entice the dog to bum you.

Not only is this much easier and less dangerous, but you get to eat any left over Bonio as well as keep the change.

So I've been told.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 22 Oct 2008, 15:46, closed)

Not relevant at all
Just reminded me. Conversation with a male friend the other day, I happened to mention that dolphins commit rape.

In a beautiful moment of natural comic timing, as the pub hushed, he replied: "But if an animal can't say yes or no then it can't be rape, can it?".

I think everyone present got a startling insight...
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 15:49, closed)

Lucky he never met......
.....Helen Keller at a kebab van. That could've got messy.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 22 Oct 2008, 16:12, closed)

......sick
but I like it!
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 17:01, closed)

Crikey
^This?

Dolphin rape FTW
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 17:59, closed)

Quite a few divers have been drowned
during dolphin rape.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 22 Oct 2008, 19:20, closed)

ours was
girl X was now called "bovril" for her parents came home to see the dog de-bovrilating her ladygarden. Which she had bovrilated herself, not by accident.

These stories are invariably lies. no dogs like bovril - its just yeast and not real beef.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Wed 22 Oct 2008, 15:58, closed)

I beg to differ
Marmite = Yeast Extract(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmite)
Bovril = Beef extract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bovril)
( heyrudi has just found this setting, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 17:41, closed)

Ours was a boy called Jodie
He used to wank off his dog for the amusement of his mates.
( wangmaster2000, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 16:12, closed)

...
Red Rocket, Red Rocket!!!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 22 Oct 2008, 16:23, closed)

Yuck!
Yuck yuck yuck yuck

But true...
( heyrudi has just found this setting, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 17:42, closed)

We had a kid
whose school life was ruined by the rumour that he'd been caught fingering his cat.

Our school also had a group of pariahs called The soggy biscuit club.
(Harold's hip man!!, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 16:40, closed)

When I worked in a kids' home
there was a lad in care, aged about 13, who'd been caught sucking off the family dog. I read about this in his file so it's true.

The staff were always saying telling him that he was a pal and saying he liked the lassies, took the lead in discussions, etc.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 17:33, closed)

If that news broke
He'd be hounded by the press
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 18:02, closed)

Not to mention
the paparazzi dogging his every step.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 18:10, closed)