tech support phone scams and championing the little (old) person
Finally, a QOTW where I actually have something relevant and recent to talk about :)

Right, to the story.... (warning - is very long but possibly worth it for engrish lols)

When I was at uni doing comp sci I did part time work as freelance tech support for people in my area. It gave me some cash, I met some interesting people and could fit the work around other commitments. I now work full time in London, but have kept a few clients that I like to help out every so often.

One of these is called Paula. She is in her 70's, so not very good with computers (as were most of my clients) but makes an effort to learn so I like to keep in contact and still help her out every so often. She rang me a few weeks ago about helping her with a few things she was stuck with, and I went to see her for an hour or so to show her how to scan and attach something to an email.

While I was there, she became quite embarassed and confessed that 'I would be disappinted with her' and proceeded to tell me that some scumbag company had spent 2 hours on the phone to her, trying to persuade her to sign up to online tech support. They made her turn her computer on, go in to windows and told her to do something wherby windows would show her an error (which it apparently did, but in windows i'm sure you could dependably trigger an error by doing almost anything in the right sequence seeing as how unstable and buggy it can be.....) and that meant she 'had a virus' and needed tech support.

I haven't really heard of this particular marketing scam before, so im not suprised it bamboozled her, and in the end to get them to go away she agreed to take a years contract with them. They duly took £70 out of her account, and sent her a letter.

Well, once she had explained I was quite indignant to hear what they had done. I provide tech support to her as and when required, I charge very little for it, and sit with her and explain step by step what to do for the issue in question because I am nice and like to help older clients who make the effort to learn. She had absolutely no need of this supposed 'service' which seemed simply a poor excuse for moneygrabbing.

As it happens I like to write anrgy letters to inadequate companies explaining exacly how crap they are and have had previous success with other companies doing exactly that, so I decided to see if there was any chance I could get these con artists (by threats or otherwise) to give her her money back. While I was there, I scanned in the letter they sent her confirming her subscription, and emailed it to myself.

After reading through it, I found out the name of the company and their website www.365helpdesk.co.uk/. Thinking about how to best go about complaining, i didnt know how badly suspect this company was, so didnt want to go giving out my personal email to them as they might try to hack in to it or something equally evil, but also didnt want to bother checking any other accounts, so I found a password protected email forwarding service (mailexpire.com - v useful for different time period expiring email accounts) and set it up to forward mails to my real account. I went to 365 helpdesk's website, and submitted the following message:


Hi, I help out an old lady who you rang up and bullied in to using your non-existant services. I do all her computer administration and provide her with technical help and was absolutely disgusted that a represantitive from your company cold called her, subjected her to two hours of nonsense and pointed out a supposed 'error' to her in windows that meant she should subscribe to your poor excuse for a service. I am writing to ask that you give a full refund immediately to the account with invoice 123456789, a Mrs Paula A. who you charged the ridiculous sum of £70. She has no need of your services, you will never provide any useful service to her during the supposed period of the implied support contract and you have pressed an elderly and vulnerable person in to paying for something that they cannot afford and have no need of.
If you do not reply to my request and refund all money immediately I will report you to trading standards, publish your company name in several UK wide circulated newsletters and report you to every newspaper I can get hold of (as well as posting your website address on a well known chatroom where I will ask for as many DDOS attacks and any other business harming and website crippling attacks as I can solicit). Your business practises are underhand, your website and letters are done in poor english which looks very unprofessional and your website is very badly coded for a supposed 'IT Support' company. Also your capatcha is very badly done.
Please respond to my correspondance immediately with a satisfactory resolution otherwise retaliatory stepts will be taken.


After my rant at their crapness in general, and threats about posting their dastardly deed on 4chan or similar (as the anonymous collective have been so community minded meteing out justice for cats and hopefully in the near future puppies, I thought they might help a little old lady too) to solicit any possibly future retaliatory steps that may have been necessary had they been complete con artists who simply told me where to stick it, I waited to see whether I would recieve a reply, and a day or so later this is what I got (which gave me quite a few lols if nothing else):



Dear Miss Smith ,

In Short, please don’t be offended or understand these words as unprofessional but “ We loved your request / comment to us”.

Let me get to it a step a time

You are enraged at the totality of the current matter and it would not help if we go on praising our own services, fact is You Yourself are capable of providing technical help and are assisting Mrs A gives us some sense of relief as an elderly person problems are attended to.

Refund – Its yours [Mrs Pauline A] Money and it will be Refunded in full. As you can understand the workings of any “poor excuse of a service” company anywhere on the Planet will call up the actual person in question on the Telephone or email “on Record” and reconfirm the Refund Request. We will call up Mrs Pauline A at an Appropriate Time Tomorrow and proceed with the Refund Request.

“Bullied”
Will ask our Sales Guys to be more considerate and not “Pushy”. Sorry but sales staff do tend to get carried away, a common trait [malaise you would say] to every industry.

“your non-existant services” “never provide any useful service”
Well if you ever have a Computer Technical Problem you would like assistance in – you can make a request on the same form you used here and all the above words will vanish.

“ posting your website address on a well known chatroom where I will ask for as many DDOS attacks and any other business harming and website crippling attacks as I can request”
Please – Protesting, Not Agreeing, Demanding Action [Refund in your case] is all Legal. Threatening is Not Yet Legal. Please Refrain from Actually writing it down.
A Experienced and articulate person like you, with understanding of “ business practices are underhand” cant do exactly the same one opposes or “your website and letters are done in poor English” use poor selection of English Words themselves to Express their feelings.

“looks very unprofessional and your website is very badly coded”
I cannot agree with you more. Our Designers have done a pathetic job and Please visit www.365HelpDesk.co.uk in say 4 – 5 Weeks Time. God Willing We expect to have a “Perfect” Site befitting the Line of business we are in.

“Also your capatcha is very badly done”
Unbelievable – but you are right again

“Respond to my correspondence”
we are

“Satisfactory Resolution”
Offcourse Be Assured.

“retaliatory stepts” aha One Spelling Mistake Here, Would Definitely Like to See you and Us do what we do Best, i.e. take Care of Computers. No “retaliatory” Mode here. So This Correspondence is final and Refund will happen as you want.

Sorry, but the above was not exactly Business like, but loved “corresponding” anyways.

Regards
Team 365


Well, at that i was amazed they had even bothered to get back to me, let alone the hilariously bad english reply and their attempt at at least some 'professionalism' and suggestion that I dont make threats because of the lack of legality (and the spelling correction at the end was the coup de grace).
Late that day they went on to send me a second message stating they they had tried to call Paula (on a Saturday!), but had no reply, and would try again on Monday.

I have sent Paula a mail asking her to confirm if she has indeed got her refund, but am quite hopeful that it will go through soon considering their replies thus far, and am feeling very satisfied at my complaint getting a result and am happy with a complaint well done *grins*
(PixelGirl unlock the mind...unmind the lock, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 23:28, 3 replies)

Ha!
Was the following reworded because of your accusations?


"I Can do it Myself

Thats Correct if you are Young with Time and Tech Savvy Friends in Hand. If you are Ever Short of Time or Dont want to take Obligation from Friends, better still you want the issue sorted RIGHT NOW. Call Us Now!

Conclusion

A Computer sitting on a Cool and Clean environment having a Stable power source, away from Pests and Physical Mishandling is unlike to have Hardware Problems, For Rest Issues, theres 365HelpDesk Support."
(Something funny, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 23:49, closed)

Nah
That was there when I read all the blurb before I sent off my tirade :)
(PixelGirl unlock the mind...unmind the lock, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 0:03, closed)

That's a truly awfully written mail
I'm surprised they bothered responding.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 0:27, closed)