The founder of the company I work for
Was a brilliant mix of scientist, artist and engineer. We still use his method of plankton collection, virtually unchanged, that he designed over 80 years ago. He also put forward the 'aquatic ape' theory. www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/apr/27/aquatic-ape-theory-primate-evolution

Hmm. I'll stick to the plankton.
( A Rory Borealis here under duress, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 14:06, 15 replies)

Home taping really DID kill music.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 28 Apr 2013, 12:09, 4 replies)

Fuck Oasis
Liam Gallagher sounds like he's being forced to sing his maths homework at knifepoint.
(gordonjcp, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 11:53, 3 replies)

Anybody in English who pronounces 'homage' as om-ahj will die alone and in pain.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 11:23, 10 replies)

TV News
The need by TV news to ask some random stranger their opinion about something that happened, is just lazy journalism. Everybody has an opinion, why do we need to hear it? (myself included).
(GhostAtTheFeast Soup Sir?, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 10:55, 3 replies)

Lightbulbs
I'm not generally a believer in conspiracy theories, but has anyone else noticed how much it costs to light your house nowadays? I never had an issue with the environmental argument for banning incandescent bulbs but the sheer cost of the replacement, whether dim low-wattage halogen bulbs or the even lower-wattage long-life twisty things is, by comparison, eye-watering.

Halogen bulbs cost at the least a quid each and you generally need three or four of them for one single rack - we don't have a huge kitchen but it's an L-shape so there are two racks of four bulbs each, plus a single socket. There are rarely a full rack of bulbs in working order - generally at least one out on each rack and they never seem to last very long. We have three single halogen bulbs in a small bathroom - same thing there.

And the large bulbs with the halogen inserts are even more unreliable. The slightest nudge can break the filaments - easily done if they're used in a table lamp or suchlike. Another couple of quid down the drain if that happens.

The long-life eco-friendly spirals are even worse - they start off really dim and never really seem to emit that much light. They are also nowhere near as long-life as they claim to be. It's yet another way of the public being palmed off with sub-standard goods at inflated prices.

Someone is making a killing out of this radical alteration to the fabric of our existence. I'm convinced that the whole thing is nothing more than the fiendish brainchild of a shadowy group of big businessmen bent on global domination through the economic stranglehold of the supply of artificial light.

And who would be behind such a devilish plan?

Well, I'd have thought it obvious - its the Illuminati, innit...
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 2:59, 9 replies)

The Princess Bride sucks ballbags
what is his motivation for loving her so much? She doesn't do anything! And the sleeve promises giants and monsters, I count one giant and one monster, and a pretty rubbish monster at that.
( Damien's Hearse, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 0:19, 7 replies)

it's possible to emit a wet fart without shitting yourself.

( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:49, 4 replies)

QOTW has been ruined, not by trolls but by evolution.
Humans, as far as we know, are the only animals who bring individuality into the perception of a situation. We have the unique ability to witness a set of circumstances and all come up with a different view of what's happening. When we were given this quality by God or Richard Dawkins it was envisaged that it would enhance our ability to progress. To an extent this has proved accurate but the unfortunate side effects are that we always want to find a way to prove our neighbour wrong, slag him off or beat the shit out of him.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:08, Reply)

I think Hitler
was a good honest man, who just tried to get rid of the overtly controlling Jew problem.
(Vegard M Vindheim Fuck your dreams, Fuck your life., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:50, 12 replies)

It's pronounced "sconn".

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:25, 16 replies)

When making tea, I always put the teabag and milk in before the hot water.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:21, 10 replies)

I have some
I don't like Dickens - I was forced to read the books at school and they bored the nads off me.
Woody Allen is not funny.
Oasis were a barely-adequate pub band that got lucky.
Rap 'music' was started as a joke - I can picture a scene where the 'artists' all meet once a year in secret and ask each other whether they should tell us they were only kidding.
DJ's are not talented. They play other people's music in a particular order. This is not talent.
Tarantino's films are crap.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:21, 14 replies)

The Godfather is a shit film
The plot just rambles on and doesn't seem to go anywhere. Elevated to some sort of masterpiece of cinema by people who can't think for themselves.

Same goes for Star Wars.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 16:53, 10 replies)

I think Superman would beat Batman in a fight.
Think about it logically. Superman's ONLY weakness is Kryptonite, which isn't even a real thing!
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 15:09, 6 replies)

ok, this is going to sound depressive and emo
but i believe this planet is pretty much fucked. food, space and natural resources are being used up at an alarming rate and the population is expanding ever more rapidly. what we've got can only last so long. cooperation may be the only way to save ourselves(if bertrand russell is right), but does anyone really think that'll happen? survival instinct will always win out over helping others. when we're down to our last food and water, we won't share, we'll hoard. we'll take and take until there's nothing left. i'm not being judgemental, like i said, it's self-preservation and i definitely include myself in this. it's just that i really don't see a good future here, unless we can resort to terraforming.
in short, either we find a way to get the hell off this planet and start fresh somewhere else, or we'll very soon be fucked.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 14:43, 10 replies)

Trolling websites is a valuable use of one's life

(McChinaman banned, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 13:27, 1 reply)

I believe that children are the future
and really don't mind them in restaurants, pubs, trains and planes etc.

They come with the whole being alive thing.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 12:14, Reply)

My ex's mother's physics revolution
When I microwaved some slop for tea, some bubbled out over onto that big glass plate thingy that spins right round like a record (baby) - you know the thing.
So I left my slop on one side for a moment and took the glass record over to the sink to rinse the congealing slop away under the tap.

"NO! STOP!" cries ex's mum. "It's still got microwaves in it!"
( Invisible Wizard - 9th Level Pissant, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 9:39, 1 reply)

Rather than going over the whole 'Free Downloading is Wrong' rigmarole, how about this?
For everything you download or watch for nothing on YouTube (promotional items e.g. pop videos etc. excepted), you should at least try to make something that will entertain or interest someone else for the equivalent length of time.

You never know, people who think they're good for nothing artistic might discover a hidden talent.

(The problem is, if everybody just consumes, there'll be nothing new made and thence nothing left to download or whatever that isn't GC).

I'm serious about this, but not a bloody Nazi about it.
( fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 8:55, 17 replies)

I don't get paid enough
That's something me and my previous employers appear to differ on.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 1:37, 2 replies)

It doesn't matter who you vote for...
The Government ALWAYS get in!!
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 0:39, 2 replies)

Bacon is fucking overrated
It smells better than it is.


Like your mum.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 22:04, 1 reply)

I think that
immigrants who come here looking to work hard and make a better life for themselves in the west should be allowed to stay, and british benefit scroungers should be sent back to wherever they came from in their place.
(cs1ca, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 21:28, 2 replies)

Replying to posts you disagree with is pointless.

( Araucaria is such a tit, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 21:07, 5 replies)

Margaret Thatcher.
I was pretty disgusted upon witnessing the celebrations of the death of this great leader. For all the leftie bile, I cannot actually think of anything wrong she actually did. For example, the Falklands were arguably our nations finest hour. We rose to the occasion of defending our borders with great aplomb, which would have only happened with a leader of the calibre of Mrs. Thatcher.
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 20:12, 18 replies)

I don't think that gay people should be allowed to join the army.
If they are, then who will join the navy?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 19:44, Reply)

The biggest mistake the West ever made
was not preventing the formation of the state of Israel in 1947-8. I understand why we didn't - some felt guilty at failing to prevent the holocaust, and worried how preventing a homeland for its survivors would appear. Others simply wanted to get more Jews out of Europe and didnt care where they went.

But whatever the average motivation for standing back and allowing it to happen, it's poisoned all of subsequent middle-eastern history
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 26 Apr 2013, 18:12, 16 replies)