The perfect excuse
So, it’s official, two months of consecutive negative economic growth and we are now smack bang in the middle of a recession. That said: the ‘credit crunch’ seems to have been on everyone’s lips a whole lot longer.

It’s on the news, in the papers, and on the radio. Fucking hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was written on the side of the moon, just in case we were to forget about it before going to bed. That way we could all cry ourselves to a dreadful and moneyless sleep while the moon gleefully winks at us like a smug and self satisfied David Cameron. You just can’t escape it. It’s become as tedious as watching cricket or listening to Coldplay, and for that reason I fucking hate all talk of it. Except of course, the endless excuses I hear, for and on behalf of it. You have all heard them, ‘well, there is a credit crunch,’ ‘I can’t do that, we got the credit crunch to think about’ and ‘well, it must have something to do with the credit crunch’ to name but a few.

On a serious note, it is a sensitive issue, and people are losing jobs, businesses and even homes because of the economic slump, but there is an incredible amount of people, who do have jobs, do still have money to spend and are simply using this credit crunch as an excuse to be tight. Either that or they really are gullible enough to be brain washed by our 100% factual news and tabloids, or perhaps they are just plain stupid.

Anyway, here are a few credit crunch comments I have heard recently that don’t seem to make sense.

Me - So, are you thinking of going on holiday this year?
Boss - Yeah, got a week in Torquay booked.
Me - Brilliant, should be nice.
Boss - Well, I had saved £5000 to go to America for three weeks, as it’s my last holiday with my two daughters.
Me - Oh really? So why the change of plan?
Boss - Well, got to tighten the belts now there is a credit crunch on.

WHAT? This man probably has the safest job in the company, and the company is doing pretty well, he probably earns 70k a year, he had already saved the money, so it wasn’t like he was taking a debt on to pay for it. Therefore, I cannot draw any further conclusion, other than he is a tight fisted cock muncher. It’s people like this who have money and don’t choose to spend it that are making things worse.

Friend - Just stopping for petrol.
Me - Ok.
Friend – (gets back in car)
Me - Why you only put a fiver in
Friend - That’s all I need to get to work
Me - You work in Nottingham, that’s at least ten quid to get there and back
Friend - Yeah, I fill it up before I head back.
Me - Why not just put 10 quid in and fill up once a day, or fill up the tank and go once a week?
Friend - Well, you got to be careful aint ya with the credit crunch and that?

WHAT THE FUCK……….In fairness this guy is a bit thick. We went to blackpool once. We got out the car, he wanted some food so I said, we will be just there in the bar next to the scaffolding. About 2 hours later he walked in. He said ‘where the bloody hell you lot been?’ to which I replied, ‘sitting right here, sipping these lagers like I said we would, where the bloody hell you been?’ he then said, ‘I thought you said you would be in the Scaffold Inn’………..to this day, that makes me laugh out loud.

The thing is though, I have been pretty much unaffected by the global economy. Touch wood I won’t be. I mean, petrol has come down, my mortgage rate has come down and fuck me, I had some right bargains at Cheshire Oaks on Christmas Eve. Yet, I still find myself being influenced by all this talk. My weekly shop now makes a student diet look luxurious. It can only be a matter of time before scurvy kicks in. This week, my total shopping bill came to under 8 quid. If I eat anymore beans I may take off.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Fri 23 Jan 2009, 19:01, 1 reply)

just a small observation
A recession is two quarters of consecutive negative economic growth, which is 6 months not 2. That being said the last line made me laugh.
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 12:10, closed)