Jolly Hockey Sticks
Not really my game, but got roped into playing hockey for the office team a couple of years back...apparently they were short a goalie.

Being a cricketing type in the summer, i know the damage a hard ball can do to two softer ones, so i made sure to dig out my box (cup for you merkins) to protect the existence of future progeny. This obviously required a jockstrap as well, but it became clear that mine had not been washed since the end of the cricket season 6 months ago. I may have put my cods in something smelling worse in my time, but not whilst sober, so i had to seek an alternative.

Now i am of the boxer wearing persuasion, as briefs are for woofters and Y fronts are for fat dads, so i had nothing to hold the boys in place. In a flash of inspiration i thought i'd check out the undie drawer of the gf at the time. I believe girls often refer to these as "period pants" - sturdy, unfashionable, but there to do a job. Ideal for me - a bit tight, but kept everything in order, and under trackie bums, who would ever know. Splendid. Job Done.

Alas, as i say, hockey is not my game, and hampered by the huge amount of padding i was forced to wear, i was about as manouverable as Thora Hird. First bit of action, i trip over my own leg, stumble, and land flat on my back on top of the ball. Absolute agony.

Yes, you've guessed it. Hospital. Suspected coccix damage. X-Ray. Remove trousers. Ha ha, you're not going to believe this but...

Clearly i had girls pants on. Obviously my workmates present had the good grace to treat me sympathetically and not tell other colleagues etc*

*May not be true

Length? It was a big box. More of a crate really.
(J Y Kelly, Fri 16 Mar 2007, 12:18, Reply)