Its amazing how many of these stories start with a lot of beer
or some other fun beverage. A few years back after a long winter day of drinking many beers, we decided we needed to play in the snow that so many people pay so much money to go skiing on.

Not having skis or money to buy them (all of it spent of beer) we decided to go snow canoeing. My friend’s house was built on the side of a mountain (in a ski resort town) with a very large cleared hill directly behind it. He also had a 17 foot long aluminum canoe. We reasoned (our reasoning skills not at all affected by the beer) that if we waxed the bottom of the canoe as people wax their skis, it would go faster. We therefore proceeded to melt five or six candles over the bottom of the canoe (drinking several more beers while doing this).

Once the bottom of the canoe was as slippery as any Olympic Downhill Ski (or so we reasoned, again, our reasoning skills unaffected by the beer) the three of us trudged up the hill pulling the canoe (with beers in it) behind us; through a good two feet of snow; the beer not at all affecting our ability to climb.

Amazingly, we made it up to the top of the hill where once we could breathe again, we realized we didn’t bring any paddles to steer the canoe with. Not wanting to be unfair, (or trust leaving anyone next to the canoe with the beers we had so arduously dragged up the hill), the three of us trudged down the hill to the house to get the all important steering paddle. Once back at the house we celebrated our accomplishments to date with several shots of whisky.

Back we trudged up the hill (our reasoning ability still as sharp as tacks). When we got to the canoe, caught our breathe, opened some beer, and looked down hill, we realized the only potentially successful canoe run ended at the large propane tank at the side of the house. Other than that there was a cliff we could go off of or the back of the house to run into. Our reasoning in perfect working order, we decided no problem, we will just jump out before we hit anything or go off the cliff.

We also decided the best way to start down the hill would be to run along side the canoe and then jump in, just as they do with bobsleds. Thankfully, this is easier said than done in two feet of snow after a lot of beer but we pushed on, running as fast as we could, then flopping into the canoe. We went no where. The snow was too fluffy. We did it again, same thing. Our reasoning ability just starting to be affected by the beer, we kept doing this all the way down the hill until we hit the propane tank.

Once we got to the bottom, we realized we had just compacted made a great track in the snow, and if we just get back up the hill, we would really fly. Fortunately, we were too exhausted from the first attempts, said f--- it and went inside to drink more beer as all of this exercise had ruined our buzz.

If we had just made it up the hill one more time, it would have been spectacular and we would have had no problems at all. The desire to get more beer ruined our chances yet again.

Sorry for the length, but this is much shorter than trudging up that damn hill.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 17:53, 1 reply)

Brilliant!
Snow canoeing is great fun, the trouble tends to be that steering just spins the canoe round whilst you accelerate in whichever direction gravity wants to take you. Just make sure there's no barbed wire fence at the bottom of the hill, it hurts.
( SteamedCleaner, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:57, closed)